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Transformers 3 Dark of the Moon Movie Review

Updated on June 28, 2012

Movie Poster and yes, they're looking at you all concerned, please come to see this movie...

The tiny humans fighting the giant evil-bots
The tiny humans fighting the giant evil-bots

Transformers 3 WTF?

Transformers 3 WTF? Yes, you should ask WTF is director Michael Bay thinking with Transformers: Dark of the Moon, the third movie about Hasbro Toys' cute cars and trucks and the miracle twists and turns that turn them into robot warriors. Michael has rowed the good ship Transformers adrift with this battle between good Autobots and evil Decepticons, elevated from children's fantasies of car crashes into a world conflict to enslave humans and merge our planet into a resource feeder for their home world. Yes, in Transformers 3, everyone dies or becomes slaves. Yes, you see people get disintegrated. Whole cities get trashed. As well, we really see the greatness of America gutted by Transformers 3, this sad and hopefully last sequel to the first, surprising okay adaptation of these toy characters. However, our stars Shia LaBeouf and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley escape to kiss slowly at the end, oblivious to the carnage all around them.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon Tralier

Apollo 11, Chernobyl and the Kitchen Sink

It really proves how a bit of success gets amped up in Hollywood to cinematic excess of the worst kind. There is no story, just links to past historical events like the Apollo 11 moon landing, the nuclear disaster at Chernobyl and the Challenger Space Shuttle tragedy. Add in a supermodel (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) love interest (God, every character in this movie is interested in her), a humiliating job hunting effort by our hero Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) and the huge government bureaucratic insanity which smothers any logical plan of attack and you have a lifeless, frustrating and soulless movie. Several characters in the PG movie ask WTF? but we need to ask why so many people tried so damn hard to bring this ridiculous story to our theaters.

hasbro toys: are these next for Hollywood?

Absurdicons and AutostoryBots Battle Plot to Enslave Us

From the first shots of the robot wars to the last slow-motion kiss, this movie is truly a battle between the Absurdicons and the AutoStoryBots. All the characters should have been killed about fifty times, yet the key characters all survive with just a few scratches. Shia LaBeouf spends his time acting pissed off, probably more at his role than the enemy robots and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley runs around the action scenes with a pout on her sensual lips and a glorious toss of her fabulous hair. She's Megan Fox's replacement and she'll do nicely as a back-up. Too bad her role is even worse in Transformers 3 than the previous love interest/damsel in distress from the first two Transformers movies. However, Rosie makes one of the best entrances in years as the camera follows her ass up the stairs to wake up Shia LaBeouf asleep in bed.

One small step for Man, one giant step backward for Hollywood Sequels!

Back to America's greatness, which is portrayed in words and pictures in amazing clarity as the eagle lands in Tranquility Base and Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong take their first walk on another planet. It is the proudest day of our lives and the great kicker opening to a movie, just not this one. You see, we've all be deceived into thinking the race to the moon was a noble pursuit, but it was really to investigate an alien ship that had crashed on the dark side of the moon (way before Pink Floyd set it to music). The Absurdicons just pile up from there, all building to the one great moment in the film when John Turturro reprises his rogue agent role with an over the top performance that is a delight.

Shia Labeouf Movies

Shia LaBeouf is a Brave Actor Indeed

The greatest credit goes to actor Shia LaBeouf for throwing himself so enthusiastically into the machinery of Hollywood's sequel grinder. He tries his best to make his character work but all his screaming and frustration is mild compared to the audiences watching Transformers 3. In reality, these movies ignore him and focus on the female lead, in this case elevating Rosie Huntington-Whiteley into super-stardom, just like Megan Fox. Apparently Steven Spielberg had a hand in dropping Fox and adding Rosie Huntington-Whiteley so he hasn't lost his eye for what the camera likes to dawdle over in slow motion.

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