Twilight Breaking Dawn: Part II. A review by a movie nerd.
Twilight: The Meat to the Bones
Twilight Breaking Dawn Part II is the final installment in a long line of movies based of the books by Stephanie Meyer. First it was Twilight, then it was Twilight something or other, then some more Twilight, and now the finale. Let's just say it has been a much overdone movie saga.
Twilight Breaking Dawn: Part II is directed by Bill Condon who is known for his intense visual sensuality in all his movies. Probably my favorite to date is Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh in 1995. Yes, I'm a horror uber nerd...but I digress.
This final installment is a mixture of fantasy mainly because well it has glittery vampires, action because there's fighting, adventure well because they go adventuring, and some sexuality well implied--nothing too hardcore.
Oh my GERD!
Okay, so I decided to go see it in the movie theatre by myself in true blown nerd fashion. Got myself a matinee ticket so I wouldn't embarass myself with incessant giggling, a large popcorn and happily skipped my way to the theatre in which it was showing. Keep in mind I am a grown woman and did all these things while other patrons were laughing at me. Did I care? Nope, my childish curiosity ruled the entire event.
The movie hadn't even fully started and the giggling began, mainly because I didn't read the final book all the way through. I stopped when people started dying. That alone made my whole reading experience. Yes, I love it when important people die in stories. Anyway, the opening scene came on and I sat in my seat tense--awaiting the "epic" finale.
Visually the opening scenes were stunning. The contrast of her pale skin against the vibrant surroundings kept me enthraulled to say the least. However, I got excited too soon and it slowly went downhill from there.
**SPOILER ALERT** If you haven't seen it and don't want to know, I suggest you stop reading now.
So Bella starts asking Edward how long she's been out and then she becomes all sexually aggressive towards him because apparently being a vampire made her want him more. I smacked my forehead in disbelief and sighed. Not even 10 minutes into the movie and I felt slightly stupid. So skipping a few scenes--especially the one where she apparently takes out a mountain lion. Yes she took out a mountain lion while Edward was teaching her to hunt animals, let us just say I busted out in hysterical laughter and received face melting stares. Seriously, they were face melting.
Hmmm, lets see. Bella and Edward have a very PG-13 sex scene. It actually made me feel really dirty and I'm married. Guess it's something with the glitter and spray painted abs that did me in this go round. That and seeing Kristen Stewart's leg. Bella arm wrestles Emmit to prove her strength or I guess importance. Maybe it was even fortitude who knows but I found it really really lame. Someone (the same woman from Lockdown) spots Renesmee floating in air gathering snowflakes and reported to the Volture because apparently making an immortal child is the evil of all evils. Then it really gets good--not really.
Anyway, the first 30 minutes or maybe even 45 minutes were full of horrible, and I mean absolutely horrible one liners. Perfect example, "You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness monster!" Really? Again, I laughed hysterically only to receive more face melting stares. Cheesy, actually I wouldn't even give the comedy portion cheesy; it was far worse than that. I know I'm skipping around, but it's so difficult for me to put into words the atrocity I watched and keep it streamlined. Okay so jumping again, once the Volture catches wind of a immortal child, the Cullins decide to start gathering "witnesses" and then Alice disappears--again.
So after about another 20 minutes of just randomly gathering people to "witness", it's then solely dedicated to all the other vampires powers. No plot whatsoever, and it was mind numblingly brutal. Don't get me wrong, some were pretty cool--but it doesn't change the mind numbing. Then everyone gathers for the Volture's grand entrance--in the middle of a huge snow filled field. Okay so then the head Volture guy calls Edward over after whats his face asks for a "peaceful" talk. He touches his hand and then OH MY GERD the truth is known. The best part of that scene was his incredibly odd laugh. I returned his laugh with one of my own, of course it was at him--only again to receive even more face melting stares. I don't think the Twilight fans appreciated his laugh as much as I did.
So then he calls the child over, she touches his face--there's some backtalking and then Alice appears--again. By this point I was looking for a pen to stab my eyes out. Alice gets blocked trying to state the child isn't a threat and then is let through touches his hand then WAR!
The fight scene between the Cullins, Wolves, and Volture was the best 12 minutes of the entire film. To sit and watch the Twilighters gasp and cry while people were getting ripped in two, heads severed, faces eaten was superb to say the least. Then they failed---because apparently it was only a vision. I threw my head back and sighed---receiving tear filled face melting stares. I was giggling immensly on the inside. Then the Volture back off and they all live happily ever after. Really? That happened...and as everyone stood up clapping I sat in my seat depressed and upset.
So what would I rate it: 3/10
Only because the fight scene was awesome. The movie could have done without everything else. Especially the 20 minutes of plotness nothing, the worse than cheesy comedy, and the horrible pain staking one liners.
Would I see it again: Only if to torture my husband
Would I recommend you pay $20.00 to see it: No, I'd wait for it to come out for rental.