ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Ultraviolet just stole 90 minutes of my life

Updated on February 14, 2012
Source

Try this and other Milla Jovovich movies

Ultraviolet (Theatrical Cut)
Ultraviolet (Theatrical Cut)

Just in case you don't want to take my word for it.

 

Where's Leeloo when you need her?

Okay, so I'd heard not-so-flattering things about Kurt Wimmer's Ultraviolet and I have a morbid curiosity about bad movies (remind me to tell you what I think about Catwoman one day, okay?) so this week I finally watched it.

Going in, I didn't have high expectations but here's what it had going for it:

  • Milla Jovovich as a sexy, donkey kicking heroinne
  • Vampires
  • A mutating virus
  • Did I mention Jovovich?

Replace Vampires with Zombies, and you have the Resident Evil movies. Now, I'm not saying they're great, but there are times that's what I'm in the mood for and they scratch an itch for me.

This turd, however ... doesn't.

The movie follows a woman (Milla Jovovich) named Violet (*nudge* *nudge* get it? Because the movie's called Ultra ... eh, never mind) who, the opening narration tells us, once had a husband and a baby on the way. (The baby was on the way. She already had the husband.) But then she got sick with a virus that turns regular humans into what they refer to as "hemophages". Basically, Vampires. Not traditional vampires, but at least they don't sparkle in the sun.

Violet is sent to retrieve a "weapon" that turns out to be a young boy named Six (Cameron Bright). Apparently there's something in his blood that might either cure or kill the hemophages.

I had serious flashbacks to the third X-Men movie about that. Especially since (a) both movies came out in 2006 and (b) Cameron Bright also played the mutant Leach who's blood provided the "cure" for mutants.

Now, I can understand and respect that the film makers were intentionally trying to make a movie that looked literally like a live-action graphic novel. A bit odd since this is an original story by writer/director Kurt Wimmer, who actually wrote the part of Violet with Jovovich in mind. The problem--and maybe it's a bigger problem for me than others--is that the movie stinks.

Overall, they seem to feel that it's okay to just spray a bunch of random images onto a screen, vomit out a sprinkling (eeew) of character development, assault your audience's eyes and ears with loud colors and noises, then stand back and look at your work smugly.

There are moments here and there where I start to think "Okay, here we go. This oughta be ... what?" Yeah, before I can even complete the thought, I'm disappointed. There are several special effects that are just absolutely laughable and the fight scenes have so much going on that you can't even work up a real care-what's-happening.

Now, I understand that there was a longer version (about 120 minutes) that the studio had pared down because they wanted something that would focus more on the action than the characters, but the result here is that you just don't care about any of the characters. And if I'm going to watch someone important to the movie almost die, I'd darn well better care about them.

Now, from time to time, I was reminded of The Fifth Element. It makes sense. Both star Jovovich. Both have very unique world views. Both have a very artistic flair to how they were designed and filmed. But at least I am entertained for much of The Fifth Element. It's not a perfect movie, but there's humor while this one takes itself waaaaay to seriously. The action and effects are more believeable. And it has Bruce Willis.

Now, admittedly, that last one isn't a guarantee of a good movie, but it certainly don't hurt.

Anyway, if you've seen this one, you have my sympathies. If you haven't seen it, please, don't bother. That is, unless you're like me and have a morbid curiosity about bad movies.

(Personally, I'm an aspiring author and I find I can learn a whole lot by seeing how others have completely ruined their own films.)

I give this one 4 / 10.

Ultraviolet is rated PG-13 for violence, language, and female nudity.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Garlonuss profile imageAUTHOR

      Garlonuss 

      6 years ago from Saratoga Springs, Utah

      Oh, and you notice that I referenced at least three movies (more if you count Resident Evil as 4 in stead of one) in my review or this one. It's not a good sign if I'm constantly reminded of other movies I'd rather watch than the one I'm watching right now. Especially when one of those movies is the nadir of the X-Men franchise.

    • Garlonuss profile imageAUTHOR

      Garlonuss 

      6 years ago from Saratoga Springs, Utah

      Yeah, she's fine. More or less. It can be hard to separate her performance from the rest of what's happening in the movie, but her performance here isn't particularly different from other performances I've seen from her. The movie just lets her down in a major way.

    • CyclingFitness profile image

      Liam Hallam 

      6 years ago from Nottingham UK

      I agree this is one of Jovovich's weaker films however she plays role well in my opinion.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)