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Villain, Stupid Villain: Why are James Bond Villains so stupid?

Updated on March 5, 2013

Of Villains and Saving Bonds

Few movies get under your skin as much as James Bond films. So much of these movies are well imagined, visually stunning, extravagantly produced, and yet they bug the heck out of you. Wonder why? Here is one reason: Mentally challenged villains. There are countless things wrong with these villains. Let's discuss some of these bad guys.

One of them (Stavro Blofeld) is so clever it takes 3 movies to finally defeat him. In every one of them he has surgically altered his face so extensively he's beyond recognition. He's bent on world domination through the most elaborate schemes. He's so powerful that he repeatedly evades and tricks both cold war superpowers. He has such huge technological capabilities and financial resources that he can send huge crafts into space to capture spacecraft of the superpowers and bring them back to Earth, fully intact with the astronauts still inside, something no government can do even today. He has the ability to steal nuclear bombs from USA and USSR. And he is certainly so superior he repeatedly captures James Bond. So, one can safely assume this guy a genius on an unprecedented level.

Yet, as soon as he meets James Bond suddenly he takes a stupid pill. Even though James Bond is equally so stupid as to introduce himself by his real name (really??? since when do spies give out their real names?) and leaves no doubt the world powers are after him, instead of putting a bullet in his head at the first opportunity, he invites Bond to his headquarters, takes him to the heart of his operations, and then like a little drunk teenager with no self control explains his entire plan in full details. This entire time he keeps giving Bond full respect by addressing him as "Mr. Bond". In every instance, James Bond is free to move about, observe the entire operation from up close, with every opportunity to cause sabotage with little or no restraint. His hands are untied and he's always within reach of the most important button. Our super-villain has thought of every contingency except this. And in every case Bond easily overpowers everyone around him and proceeds to sabotage the plans of the villain who has told him everything, including what button to press to abort the key step of his plan.

Furthermore, these super villains always have set up elaborate traps at their headquarters. I'm thinking if I'm a villain and have a very important headquarter, would I spend so much in resources on setting up a huge laser weapon and a bed to strap an enemy spy to and fry up his privates or would I use that precious office space for more important things, such as maybe a coffee station for my beloved henchmen so they wouldn't be so tired as to be easily overpowered by James Bond? Why wouldn't I simply have my henchmen quickly and efficiently do away with these spies anyway? If I'm a villain and 2 minutes from starting WW3 by setting up a nuclear bomb in someone's capital, would I be spending 1:50 seconds of that on explaining the fine details of my plan to a lowly spy I'm about to get rid of or would I concentrate on the most important part of my plan for which I have worked for years?

And why does this happen in every single movie? Why don't these super villains learn that the previous "Number 1" met his demise because he didn't shoot James Bond and instead gave him free access to the nerve center of his operation at the most critical part of the plans?

Apparently Bond villains don't watch movies.


Did you know that...

The role of James Bond at different times was offered to Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, Burt Reynolds, Clint Eastwood, Will Smith?

That about half of the Bond movies have the words "die", "kill", "live", "love", "gold" in them?


Moore... Roger Moore

As I was in the middle of writing this hub I came across a story that Roger Moore has died of a snowboarding accident (link supplied below). At first I found the coincidence both sad and eerie. But after I contacted his PR agent I discovered this is a complete hoax. His agent indicated that actor does NOT snowboard, has not died and is ready to do more James Bond movies. Sigh of relief.

James Bond in.... Gold Flinger

Comments

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    • RonHawk profile imageAUTHOR

      Ron Hawkins 

      5 years ago from California, United States

      Hi Meredith. I haven't watched Skyfall yet because I'm still trying to figure out Quantum of Salads. What the... After the movie me and my friends were going "did you understand it?" The one thing I like about these movies they go so way overboard with everything that they actually become fun in their absurdity. The Daniel Craig Bonds seem to have been designed to be more complicated and serious than the previous ones, and now that you say it, maybe they got their inspiration from the Dark Knight series to look more "sophisticated" despite their campy-ness. Thanks for you comment!

    • Meredith_A_Iager profile image

      Meredith_A_Iager 

      5 years ago from North Carolina

      lol great hub :) a really stupid villain was Javier B. in the latest bond movie... even though he's a decent character actor... i just couldn't stand his weird joker like portrayal.....

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