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Violent Vegetables, Gotta Love Them!

Updated on June 13, 2018

"The carrots had a pea up against a wall....."

 Several years ago I was browsing for a greetings card in local shop when I came across the "Violent Veg" series of greetings cards. I was instantly enchanted by the brilliant wit and humour that had been present in the personality of the person or people designing these cards. You can imagine my delight when I found out tonight that they have an online website where you can buy the full range of their cards, many of which I hadn't seen before. I decided I would share these with you as I am sure you will love them as much as I do, plus they make a great alternative to conventional greetings cards as well as being very reasonably priced.

"Kevin spent the entire day downloading corn on the internet....."

"Barney was in no doubt...... They were now looking for a cereal killer...."

"The plumber was called in when they found....a really bad leek in the bathroom"

"Tom swam for his life..... but the currants were too strong for him"

"Hazel handed in her notice because she was tired of working for peanuts...."

"The blind date and his faithful cauli..... became inseparable companions"

"The carrot got past the peeler..... but grater danger lay just around the corner"

"Rosemary is delighted with her new doctor, because Thyme is a great healer..."

"Everyone was excited when the Asparagus sisters..... got their tips out for the lads"

"Eddie misunderstood when Edwina said....her bush could do with a prune"

"The carrots, the onion and the bayleaf....made a complete laughingstock of themselves"

"The Couch-Potatoes choked in horror.....when they realised they had inadvertently been eating crisps"

"Melonie looked into the mirror...... and noticed a rather nasty coleslaw"

"She may have been a wrinkled old prune....but at least she still had all her marbles"

"The Boss walked into the meeting room and reiterated that BUDGETS must be slashed..."

"Eddie went to the dentist and unfortunately had to have three fillings..."

"Finally she left him, as she wanted more.....than just a knob of butter"

"The au pear gave Mr Bramley a special 30th birthday tickling his plums"

"They held an identity parade..... in a bid to find the security leek"

"A Dad as brilliant as you....deserves a pat on the head"

"On Christmas morning the sage and onions were looking at a fate..... even worse than a fate worse than death"

"Eddie went out one night and got really hammered...."

"When the prisoner found his cell door open, he decided to make a bolt for it..."

"At 30, it's amazing how thyme flies"

"The agency hadn't properly explained.... that she would actually be meeting a blind date"

"At 50, he found that thyme was starting to catch up with him"

"The Cox's shopping trip to New York was a disaster when they couldn't actually find the Big Apple..."

"Bungee jumping was one activity.....the watermelon should probably not have attempted"

"The parsnip got more than he bargained for when he asked for a bit off the top..... from Swedey Todd"

"Your leaving date....has finally arrived"

"To the players surprise, at 12 o'clock precisely....their coach suddenly turned back into a pumpkin"

"It was a bit embarrassing when the figs..... asked for their leaves back"

"Under pressure.....the banana split on his pals"

"The credit crunch was hitting so hard.....she was forced to sell herself on the street"

"Mummy carrot warned the baby carrots.... if she caught them playing with the peeler again, she'd skin them alive"

"Driven mad by the thought of identity fraud....Colin decided to shred himself"

"The peas suddenly realised.....the promised package trip to Iceland was a con"

"Jeremy preferred trying his GM Courgette rather than the Alfalfa GT or the Lettuce Elise..."

"It was early evening, and the Alley Carrots were hanging around on the street, killing thyme..."

"The Greens weren't readily living up to their name.... when they bought a new 4 x 4"

"The young raspberries were rather rude....and kept blowing themselves"

"At 60, as thyme passed by....Basil was beginning to feel his sage"

"Rod was persuaded to get his tackle out...and pose for the Naked Veg calendar"

"Eddie failed to impress his wife...with his newly acquired six pack"

"Barry still struggled to come to terms with the fact that his son had turned out..... to be ginger"

"The vegetarian could never understand why, no matter how much he chewed.... the sweetcorn always came out whole"

"After a brief struggle, the Couch-Potatoes' widescreen TV was the bayleaf"

"The best thing about Eddie's new job was the huge celery..."


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    • mistyhorizon2003 profile imageAUTHOR

      Cindy Lawson 

      7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      I find them hilarious to Emily :)

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      These are hilarious especially the asparagus ones!!!

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile imageAUTHOR

      Cindy Lawson 

      8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOl, I agree quicklysilver, and the wit used to come up with the ideas and the captions is brilliant.

    • quicklysilver profile image


      8 years ago from wexford, ireland

      very mad and funny, the carrots seem to have anger issues

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile imageAUTHOR

      Cindy Lawson 

      8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Cheers Marlin, I love them too :)

    • Marlin 55 profile image

      Marlin 55 

      8 years ago from USA

      I thought this was hilarious and genius.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile imageAUTHOR

      Cindy Lawson 

      8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Jolly, sounds like you are living up to your name LOL :)

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      They are blinkin funny, lol, it is makin me laugh so much hahahahahahhahahahahahahha

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile imageAUTHOR

      Cindy Lawson 

      9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Pamela, I am pleased you too find them hilarious.

    • Pamela Laird profile image

      Pamela Laird 

      9 years ago

      These are a hoot. I dare anyone to look at these and not laugh. Makes one like veggies more!!

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile imageAUTHOR

      Cindy Lawson 

      9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      I just love these too Trish, they never fail to make me laugh :)

    • trish1048 profile image


      9 years ago

      Absolutely original! great cards, a nice change from the everyday ho-hum variety :)

    • mythbuster profile image


      9 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

      OMG oranges do the full monty! I wont be able to peel an orange for a long time, without thinking of this hub and the pictures.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile imageAUTHOR

      Cindy Lawson 

      9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      I never get tired of the witty comments added to these images Mayhmong, glad you liked them too :)

    • mayhmong profile image


      9 years ago from North Carolina

      Looks like someone's been playing dolly with their veggies?! That's so creative!

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile imageAUTHOR

      Cindy Lawson 

      9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Ladyvenus, yep, I reckon children will really identify with this kind of humour, as well as adults :)

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      haha I love those funny cartoon photos with vegetables stories too. Children will love reading them too.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile imageAUTHOR

      Cindy Lawson 

      9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks B.T. they are really witty and clever aren't they! I lay in bed last night trying to come up with similar ideas of my own for cards, but the best I managed was the old joke about the "Damson in distress, who was in a bit of a jam...."

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile imageAUTHOR

      Cindy Lawson 

      9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Christoph, I just love them too :)

    • B.T. Evilpants profile image

      B.T. Evilpants 

      9 years ago from Hell, MI

      I've never seen these. Funny!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 

      9 years ago from St. Louis

      These cards are great! Very funny! Thanks for sharing!


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