WWE April Fools Day List Wrestlemania 32
Ryback vs Kalisto WWE United States Championship
What else to say but Ryback can come in and literally squash Kalisto! That's right. What a hell of a way to start Wrestlemania on USA Network the a real squash match. I mean we all hear it being called a squash match but then get let down when nobody actually gets squashed! Ryback off the top rope frog splash style onto Kalisto over and over until you need some butter and syrup for a Kalisto pancake! Bring me the Buttersworth!
Andre the Giant Battle Royal
The battle of the big men. Have Titus Oneal come out to a huge pop. Braun Strowman, Kane, Big Show, Eric Rowan are all left in the ring. A brawl breaks out! Titus starts cleaning house by giving each superstar a kick to the nuts then throwing them out by there massive genitals. The hole time screaming and pointing at the back to hell with Vince McMahon! After he cleans house and thinks he has won the Real American music of Hulk Hogan plays. He comes out and does his hand to ear stuff to a chorus of boos. He points at the ring and yells "I am going to get rid of the stupid guy then hump his wife on camera! He gets in the ring and Titus kicks Hogan in the face breaking his jaw and sending him to the floor. Now he does his gator call! Fans are loving it. NO chance in hell comes on and Vince is in his stupid sweatpants ring gear. He struts to the ring and gets in Titus' face. Titus then proceeds to beat the holy hell out of Vince for real. No one comes to save Vince because they think it is a work. Vince is now bloody and beaten up for real. Titus grabs a mic and yells " I Quit ". He proceeds to urinate all over Vince until security takes him down and pulls him out in cuffs.
The Usos vs The Dudley Boys
All four members drag tables to the ring and declare this a tables match. The much bigger Dudley boys start giving the Usos a massive beating. The Dudley Boys pull out kendo sticks and proceed to whipping the Usos. Rikishi comes out of the crowd and clotheslines both Dudley boys . Both Dudley Boys just happen to fall in the corners of the ring. Rikishi rips his pants off to a skid marked white thong and gives each Dudley a massive stink face. Tommy Dreamers music hit and he comes running out. A massive ECW chant breaks out. Tommy is immediately hit by dual Uso super kicks. Sandman comes stumbling to the ring drinking beer and slams a beer can into Rikishi! Louder ECW chants. The Dudley Boys recover and beat The Usos up and 3-D them both through a table. They set Rikishi up in the corner with a table and Rhino comes out to gore him through the table. Paul Heyman comes on the stage and smiles and claps his hands.
Total Divas vs Team BAD and Blonde
The ladies come out in nothing but lingerie. The crowd immediately chants "This is awesome!". Jerry Lawler on commentary is screaming about puppies! This match turns out to be a wrestling classic. Each lady besting the other. Lana and Brie finally face off. The crowd is electric! Yes! Yes! Yes! The crowd is going crazy as these two icons of women's wrestling clash. Brie immediately kicks the crap out of Lana. Her nose is now bleeding onto her white lingerie!! Brie rips off Lana's top and the crowd goes nuts! Lana lays there while Brie does a moonsault onto her for the pin!
Charlotte vs Becky vs Sasha WWE Divas Championship
Charlotte comes out in full Flair robes pink and sparkly. The lights are dimmed and the spotlight is only on her as she walks down the ramp. She gets in the ring and her dad removes her robe. Charlotte stands in the ring gracefully with Divas Championship around her waste. Becky comes out with Hornswoggle at her side. All of sudden the stage swarms with photographers and a red carpet rolls out. Security guards step out and to the side. Then out comes the boss Sasha Banks! As the girls are in the ring the Hell in a Cell is lowered and out comes Stephanie McMahon. She claims to make history with the first ever Divas Hell in a Cell! All the participants look very nervous and shocked. Sasha cracks a smile and goes after Charlotte. Becky joins in and they beat the heck out of Charlotte and throw her out the ring. Ric Flair gets in the ring and starts yelling at the Becky and Sasha. They take turns flair chopping Ric. He drops to his knees and puts his hands up. Then stands up as Hornswoggle nut checks Flair and he rolls out of the ring. Charlotte has recovered and dives off the ropes on both women. Eventually the brawl goes outside the ring. Each girl slamming each other into the cell. All three women are now busted open! Charlotte gets thrown into the ring steps and Becky and Sasha end up in the ring. After multiple near falls Sasha finally gets Becky with the bank statement. The Hell in a Cell rises and Stephanie walks out and hands Sasha the new Women's WWE Championship!
New Day vs The League of Nations
New day came out on Unicorns! Full on Horses with Unicorn horns strapped to their head. Funny as hell with rainbow colors and rainbow confetti coming down.The League is out next. After they are all in the ring Big E grabs Shemus and proceeds to grind on his butt. Shemus runs and Big E smiles really funny. The New Day all give each other a smooch and announce they are gay! What a shocker! The League forfeits the match refusing to work with three gay guys. A gay pride parade breaks out blocking the League from leaving and the New Day and the gay pride parade surround the League of Nations all dancing.
AJ Styles vs Chris Jericho
Chris Jericho has his band Fozzy on stage actually dressed as Fozzy bear. Not Jericho just the band. Geez he can't wrestle in a Fozzy outfit. AJ Styles comes out, grabs a guitar and starts beating the hell out of all the Fozzy bears. Jericho runs away to the ring and AJ smashes all the equipment. AJ Styles runs to the ring and the match stars. Great match. Cool spots. Jericho loses then gets on the mic screaming he can't believe this. No one respects him. He is the best in the world at what he does. Goldberg comes and and spears Jericho to a huge pop.
WWE Intercontinental Ladder Match
All the stars make their normal entrance except Cody Rhodes! Cody Rhodes is back in his normal attire. The crowd goes crazy! The ladders come into play immediately. Kevin Owens destroys everyone in the ring with a ladder. Cody hits the ring and drop kicks Owens. All the guys have crazy spots. Dolph grabs a 12 footer in the ring and Kevin Owens is on the Spanish announce table. he leaps form the top to drop an elbow and takes himself and Owens out of the match. Kalisto climbs the ladder but Zack Ryder throws him to the floor. Cross Rhodes by Cody Rhodes to Ryder. He climbs the ladder to reach the Championship but Sami Zayn jumps off the rope and Heluva Kick to Rhodes! Sami Zayn grabs the Championship and does a back flip off the ladder to celebrate but misses and breaks his ass bone.
Brock Lesnar vs Dean Ambrose
Both Brock Lesnar and Dean come out wearing pink dresses for cancer awareness. Paul Heyman is wearing his old ECW clothes. Fight starts with both men beating each other up with pocket books. Make up and tampons are flying every where! Then they start girly slapping each other! This is awesome chants break out, then ECW! They then start chanting for Dean Ambrose and Paul Heyman moons the crowd! People start barfing on each other! Once the barfing stops people start screaming Holy crap! Next Dean and Brock grab some water balloons from under the ring and start hurling them at each other. What a match. Dean rips off Brock's dress to expose his purple bra and panties. Brock tries to cover up but it is to late. His twig and giggleberries are hanging out! Bell rings to a confused crowd. Lillian announces this was actually a bra and panties match! Crowd chants shrinkage city as Brock leaves in a hurry!
Roman Reigns vs Triple H
Triple H comes out dressed as Batman. The 60s era series music is playing over the speakers. He comes to the ring and grabs a sledgehammer. Then Reigns gets brought down from the rafters in full Superman gear. 80s music Christopher Reeves Superman music plays. He lands in the ring and the bell rings. Triple H beats the hell out of Roman with the sledgehammer. Pins him and wins. The end. (What? Nobody cares about this match anyway)
Shane vs Undertaker Hell in a Cell
Shane comes out with his shirt off and jeans on. He looks like a wrestler. He is holding lighter fluid and a lighter? He comes to the ring and pulls a table out from under the ring. He puts lighter fluid on the table then lights the lighter behind his ass. He farts and the table goes up in flames. Dong. The Undertaker runs to the ring making the production crew fast forward his music while he is running. He leaps over the flames and nails Shane with a clothesline but catches his manhood on fire. They use fire extinguishers to put all the fire out while Taker is slapping his tombstone trying to put it out. They roll out and then the Cell drops. Undertaker and Shane climb up and fight on the cell. Shane tries to dance and punch. Taker just stands there. Shane punches Taker again and he looks at him and just does the throat slash. JR comes from the crowd and hits Michael Cole with chair knocking him unconscious. Good old JR shoves Cole to the ground and takes his headset just as Undertaker throws Shane off the Cell. Shane lands neck first and dies instantly. Taker seeing this jumps from the cell and commits suicide but doesn't die because he is already dead. The police grab Taker and arrest him for murder. Best show ever.