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Weird and Funny Singles Ads--Women on the Hunt

Updated on October 1, 2013
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Funny Personals That Women Post

Dating, love, marriage...all of these things are very serious, and very important. But that doesn't mean we can't have a good laugh every now at the expense of the lonely and desperate.

Especially those who advertise themselves on the public market with such an amusing array of humorous, weird, and shocking words.

In another article, I highlighted some of the most bizarre, arrogant, and downright creepy ads posted by men. Here, we will see what the ladies have to say.

As before, remember that hubs are meant to be educational, so take these following ads as examples in how not to advertise yourself when dating.

The Woman Who Knows What She Wants

Who says that women don't know what they want? Sure, some women's opinions and needs may change every few minutes...but there are some females on this planet who know exactly what they want.


SW-looking for solid relationship. I am 32, college educated, smart, fun, and sexy. I seeking a man who is ready to commit. You must between the ages of 30 and 45 and meet these requirements:

  • You must own your own home
  • You must have a steady job
  • Your income must meet or exceed mine ($49,000)
  • You must have your own automobile
  • You must be single, preferably never married
  • You must not have any kids
  • You must not have any pets.
  • You must enjoy reading
  • You must be healthy
  • You must not do drugs
  • You must not have a criminal record
  • You must be willing to respect me.
  • You must be well-groomed
  • Looking a little like Brad Pitt would be a big plus in your favor.

( See? And she is definitely a goal-oriented woman!)

  • I know you are out there. My hero. My cowboy. You are 23-30 years old, youthful, lean, rugged. You have sparkling blue eyes, sandy hair, and a great smile. You are quiet and shy. You spend time outdoors, you love your family. You like dogs, kids, home-cooking, romantic nature walks, comedies, indie music. You can sing, play an instrument, and kiss like a dream. You have a horse, a home in the country and a real job. You want a good woman and beautiful kids. Wherever you are, I'm yours.


  • Needed quick! Date to family reunion. Three days, all expenses paid. Looking for man who is 30-45, tall, healthy, and smart. Must be comfortable with strangers, able to play endless hours of frisbee, and not a vegetarian. Must be either Christian or willing to pretend, have a good job, and like animals and kids. Please be well-groomed, too. Ironed clothes are a big plus. I am a 31 yo athletic brunette with brown eyes. Please don't respond if you don't think you can pretend to be my boyfriend.

Perfection

Arrogance is a valuable asset these days:

  • SF--28, All I want is someone who is perfect. Or as close as humanly possible.


  • I consider myself the perfect woman. I'm smart, fun, witty, pretty, enthusiastic, the best cook, a great housekeeper, and an ideal citizen. Don't believe me? See for yourself.

Looks Are Almost Everything

It is pretty much understood that mean are visual creatures. They like to look first. What one guy finds attractive may be a major turn-off for the next guy; each one has his own individual idea about beauty. Here are some ladies who claim to be simply irresistible;

  • Hi! I'm Allison. I am 24 and really cute. I am a college student, getting my degree in education. I have blue eyes, blond hair, and am 5'6''. I am sporty, athletic, pretty, and attractive. If you are looking for someone who will love to look at, call me. (we get it. You are cute.)


  • SWF, 27 seeking cute guy. My measurements are 40-29-38.


  • Super pretty, fun, flirty woman with piercings in all the best places. Looking for fun guy who likes piercings! i have black hair, green eyes, and like to dress-up. I will never be that woman who meets you at the door wearing pajamas and a sweatshirt.


  • BBW seeking chubby guy. Yes, I am heavy at 385 pounds. Im also 5'6. I don't wear makeup, i wear comfy clothes. My mom says i am a slob. whatever. I won't judge you on what you wear either. looking for guy between 20 and 60, with good teeth, maybe curly hair, and good hands. (what are good hands?)


We also have women that set very high standards about the looks of their future boyfriends:

  • H. J., seeking athletic, well-groomed (manscaping a must) man between 24-30. Sharp dressers prefered. I'm 23, active and healthy. I work-out twice a day, eat a strict diet, and spend a lot of time on grooming. I demand someone who cares as much or more about his appearance.


  • SF-seeking tattooed man. No skulls, crosses, names of exes, or flowers, plz. Symbolic tats only, sleeve or back.


  • Here are my fave celebs. you look like any of them? Give me a call!


  • 62 widowed once, divorced twice. Looking for man 60-72 who looks 50-55. No long hair, facial hair, tattoos, piercings, kids, debts, serious health conditions, or mental disorders. Bikers prefered.

Source

Kind, Loving, Charming...

Many men want to settle down with a woman who is sweet and nurturing, Someone who will support them after a hard day. Someone who will be a role model to their children as she extends a loving hand to those in need. Here are some women who probably don't fit that vision:

  • I hate men. At least most men. I am looking for the man who can change my opinion.


  • SW--28 tired or dealing with love. Looking for a man who is NOT a retarded, crazy, stupid, ugly, short, fat, drunk, jobless, mean, depressed, lying loser.


  • My name is Willa, I am 35, divorced, attractive, and lonely. I am looking for a LTR with someone who is honest and conversational. I will be honest too. I hate kids, so don't even bother me if you have them. I hate in-laws (bad experience so don't expect me to love them. I hate cats, so get rid of it or don't bother me. I hate sports, so if that is your thing, either bring your own television or find someone who likes them. I am curvy, 5'7", brown hair, brown eyes, and have a great job.

Young Love

Dating ads presented by the younger women of our world can be very interesting too:

  • Single (again) 18, cute, 5'7", 130 pounds. Black hair, blue eyes. my heart has broken hundreds of times over the years. I need someone mature, (18-19 1/2), pref. a Leo or Aries.


  • hi! Im Mindy--Im 19, (almost 20) Im tall, kinda curvy. Im fun and spontaneous, very outgoing. Love to hang with friends, go to parties and dances. I like meeting new people, watching movies, singing in the shower. Im also very shy and sweet so if you are nice guy, maybe I am right for you.


  • Natalie--21, petite nursing student. Totally into blood and guts movies. i don't really have time to date. but we can chat while i'm doing homework. im hoping to be a brain surgon someday so expect an ambitios girl and convos about medical stuff.


  • 21, pretty, freckled, kind. Love outdoors, art, reading, television, poetry, writing, animals, kids, my family. I work as a nude model for art classes so please no men with jealousy issues. My dream is to go on to be a Playmate.

Love and the Older Generation

Women typically live longer than men. Gone are the days when widows had to live out the rest of their lives alone. Older women get divorced too. That's okay. It is healthy and normal for these ladies to seek out new love lives. Sounds like the future men for these ladies will have their hands full though.


  • Active, healthy, octogenarian seeking handsome older man for committed relationship. must healthy, polite, and very good in bed.


  • 76 (look 65) DW, being pushed relentlessly by granddaughter to find a new boyfriend. Looking for mentally stable, nice looking man of any age, race, style, and background that is willing to put up with me. Please like pets, gardening and nosy grandchildren.


  • Janet--79, widowed twice. Not looking to marry again, just want to date nice gentleman close to my age. I hold a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and am currently training in Judo. I know how to defend myself. So no perverts.


  • 81--Had enough commitment. Seeking someone for casual dating and romance. If it works you can move into my spare apartment. Both free to date others. Please be clean, kind, and have no criminal background. Be willing to be tested for drugs/STD's.

Love Poll

Have you used or thought about using singles ads?

See results

The Weird and Indecipherable

I think we all get a little irked when we see messages on social networks that are garbled, and unreadable We can forgive typos, a little bad spelling, even some incorrect word use. I definitely forgive people who are making an wonderful effort to type or write in a second language.

However...I firmly believe some of the messages such as the ones below were written by people from Mars. Or maybe Neptune.

  • hot gurl needin agrate man. Be nice, smart and good looking no weirdos. 19 busty nedd someone to hang with.


  • Pretentious. No crime. Beautiful. Not a sin. Vain. With good reason. Real. Why then?


  • 18, single could be anything.


  • SWF (yg-)No pps, no ds. Looking for Sm (ar)/(aa). Ints incl. bting, fshing, mm. Hlth chk, plz.. YPGMP. (um...okay.)


  • onions make me cry, so do boys who lie...i need some one who cares, not someone who stares. Thanks todd you broke my hart, and now we are apart. I can't believe you cheated, my hart is deafeated. Im sexy and im hot, if your with someone who's not, i need someone whose new, call me if its you. (19, bl hair, bl eyes, pretty, fun need someone who is not TODD. who better not call me.)

All You Need Is Love

The world is full of lonely people looking for love. Why does dating have to be so hard? Well, the good news is that experts say that there is someone (or more) for each of us.

No matter what you look like, or unusual you seem in your ads, that perfect someone is out there waiting for you too. Happy dating!

What Do Men Want In A Woman?

Man
Most important
Least Important
D.J.
Pretty smile
Popularity
Y. D.
Nice body
Hair color
A.A.
Good personality
Race
L.C.
Looks
Hobbies
L. F.
Attitude
Education
M.M. P
Sincere
Past relationships
T.P.
Eyes
Weight
S.H.
Interesting
Race
S.M.
Sweet
Past
D. A.
Nice
Everything else
I polled ten guys about the MOST important and LEAST important thing they look for in a woman. Least important being something that has no influence on their choice.

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    • gags3480 profile image

      GAGANPREET SINGH BHATIA 4 years ago from Kanpur, India

      Unique & well written hub. Passing it on.

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 4 years ago from Florida

      Sharkye11.....OMG....I am still in awe ! and laughing as I write.. I know exactly of what you speak...my daughter ( single mom) and many of her friends fall into this category..and the stories you related are not far off...I have heard many that are almost unbelieveble...I however have a solution.." Want a perfect man ?/..PLANT one ! " seeds available .....

      although avoid overwatering...loved your take on subject...

    • VirginiaLynne profile image

      Virginia Kearney 4 years ago from United States

      This is just hillarious! I love the "future brain surgeon" who can't spell and doesn't have time to date but can chat with someone while doing homework. Voted up and pinned.

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      What a great subject matter for a hub! I enjoyed this immensely and want to tell you what a great sense of humor you write with! This also serves as a perfect example toward my staying clear of singles adds! LOL

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      These are definitely...interesting. Some brought a smile, and others brought laughter. But, there is someone for everyone...

    • janetwrites profile image

      Janet Giessl 4 years ago from Georgia country

      This is absolutely funny! A very great and well-presented hub.

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thanks ggs3480! Glad that you read and enjoyed.

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @kj force--I hear the seeds can be very expensive. But worth the price if you are absolutely picky! :) Single moms look to have a hard time at dating--either they attract weirdos or they get ignored. So I definitely wish your daughter luck! As for the rest of us, we can just sit back and laugh at some of the antics in dating ads. And what is even scarier? These were the NICE ads. Some were too awful to put on here! Thanks for reading and I am glad you enjoyed!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      What strange creatures we are! This was a great hub to read...gives insight into what's going on out there. Some very funny, some very sad. Nicely done.

      Voted up, funny, and interesting.

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @VirginiaLynne--Scary huh? We can only hope her grades kept her out of med school. Pretty sure she could still be a brain surgeon with bad spelling...but really worried about that homework that didn't get done while she was chatting to blind dates! Thanks for reading and commenting!

    • Alecia Murphy profile image

      Alecia Murphy 4 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

      I did a study of personal ads on Craigslist in college, let me tell you, it was all kinds of crazy. From married and looking to people who just wanted to have a hot hookup. But it was one of my favorite projects simply because it helped me understand why people say they hate dating- it's like the most competitive sport not on ESPN.

      I have to imagine some of these people got no responses- especially Willa- since she doesn't even like cats or kids. Not to mention she can't even deal with sports. Thanks for the chuckle!

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      Jayme,

      This is such a fun article! Thanks for all the time you spent gathering the material / doing the research.

      Your "Love and the Older Generation" section is the best. Those older women certainly know what they want!

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 4 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      LOL...liked really your take on the issue. Thanks for sharing. Shared and votes up.

    • Gypsy48 profile image

      Gypsy48 4 years ago

      Entertaining hub, well done. Some women seem to know what they want, I just wonder what kind of person they actually end up with. Voted up.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 4 years ago from USA

      The personal ads are always entertaining. I really liked the older generation one, especially the judo black belt lady.

    • vandynegl profile image

      vandynegl 4 years ago from Ohio Valley

      Wow! I cannot believe what some people write! Thanks for sharing this! Very entertaining!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @shiningirisheyes--glad it made you laugh! Don't discount the singles ads though...they are a great rainy day read when you want a giggle! Thanks for reading!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @aviannovice--Indeed. I think that is what makes these ads so great. Gives a whole new perspective to the concept "someone for everyone"! Thanks for reading!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @janetwrites--Thanks! Glad you enjoyed! :)

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @tillsontitan--singles ads are definitely a look into human behavior. I noticed a big difference between the older ads and the more recent ones as well. People seem more irritable and blunt as time progresses. And then if you read the ads listed online today...well...they are just outrageous. Thanks for reading and commenting, and I am glad you got a good laugh!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @Alecia Murphy--Wow...that would really be an interesting course! I peeked at a few Craigslist ads while writing these articles and I was pretty amazed. Those ads are certainly....blunt. And sometimes very, very weird. I'm not sure if they are all real, or if someone thought them up just to see if they got any responses. A much too competitive sport with too many rules for my taste!

      Yes. Poor Willa. Honesty is a good thing though. Maybe she found someone with no relatives, kids, cats, or sporting interests! Glad you got a laugh from it! Thanks for reading and commenting!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @Daisy--I loved the older women too. I found that ad about the lady with the Judo training years and years ago in a small Arkansas newspaper. I thought it was so cute and hilarious. Thanks for reading, I am glad you enjoyed!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @dghbrh--thanks! It was fun to research and write!

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 4 years ago from Taos, NM

      This is hilarious! My uncle always said, "There's a lid for very pot." So, single women do not despair. I enjoyed reading this and it made me laugh.

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @Gypsy48--my thoughts exactly. I wonder if these ladies are still single and disgruntled? thanks for reading!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @Flourishanyway--Glad you read and enjoyed! I think we could all learn a lesson from Judo lady! :)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Wow Jayme you rock Epi-man's world with your screamingly funny hub presentation and I look for the yin and yang in everything and on the flip side it's kinda sad about human nature isn't it - going through all of this just for a little slice of happiness in a short life and to try to find your perfect soul mate which ironically most of us never even find, lol.

      Thank you for this late night or early morning laugh fest though and congratulations on your perfect 100 score - your eclectic choices of hubs look fantastic - sending you warm wishes and good energy from Colin on his birthday along with his cats Tiffy and Gabriel at lake erie time ontario canada 3:02am

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @vandynegel--Thanks! Yes, people have a way with words and thoughts, for sure!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      @suzette--Absolutely correct. And maybe these women are on to something. By being 100% honest they have a better chance of culling out the wrong types of partners! Thanks for reading and enjoying! I certainly hope these ladies met their matches!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      Aww--thank you very much Epigramman! It is a shame that people waste most of a good life looking for the 100% perfect partner. because really, if you find that person, chances are you two will be so much alike that you bore each other to tears! I will take my relationship with my husband anyday...we grumble,we laugh. We compromise, we lock horns, but we are rarely bored.

      Thanks for reading and leaving such a splendid comment. And I hope that birthdays with cats are as wonderful in Canada as they are in Oklahoma! :)

    • Gail Meyers profile image

      Gail Meyers 3 years ago from United States

      This is a cute hub, Sharkye11. I chuckled most of the way through reading it. Voted up.

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