What Would Happen if Snow White got the LOTR Dwarves Instead?
Middle Earth is such a wonderful place! Exotic and magical lands, strange creatures, homicidal beings, wizards, you name it. For me this is isn’t just any fantasy world you will find in children’s book. This is a well-crafted, living, breathing realm brought to life by the genius we call Tolkien. So popular are J.R.R Tolkien’s works that succeeding stories will bear the influence of his masterpiece. Yet some fans try to extend its mythos and we saw countless fan fictions, and fan theories somewhere in the net. Some are amazing. Others are silly. And lately I saw a compelling read saying that the popular fairy-tale Snow White is an LOTR sequel.
Now I won’t get deep into this one. Yet it would be interesting to see Gimli and his race take on the role of the seven dwarfs (or dwarves as what Tolkien referred to them). How cool is it for Snow White to walk around with this epic (if not comical) bunch? And if they did, Snow White and her wicked mom is in for a shock. The children will be shocked. The story will be different. The ending will be different. Her wicked mom’s end will be different. Just how different? Just read below.
But First, Tolkien Never Liked the Disney Dwarfs
Long-time fans probably knew it, but for those who don’t this might surprise you. The Master of High Fantasy and The Father of Middle Earth holds no bar on blasting Snow White’s dwarfs. Somehow he never liked the goofy, jolly and playful (and odd at some point) characters that Walt Disney presented. We all know that Tolkien has his own brand of dwarfs, and for the sake of difference we will refer to his’ as dwarves. His creations came from the wild world of Nordic myth; a grim race which will be discussed later on. The Disney dwarfs on the other hand is a nod from Grimm’s fairy tales, and this pissed Tolkien off. He called them vulgar and he complained that the art was hopeless. To add insult to insult, Tolkien wrote that the effect is disgusting.
And Tolkien is not alone.
A fellow writer named C.S. Lewis, the creator of Narnia shares his disdain to the goofy dwarfs. And somehow I agree with them.
Dwarf vs Dwarves
As what’s mentioned above, Tolkien and Disney took a different approach in crafting their characters. Again Disney came up with this cute, playful miners based from Grimm’s tales while the dwarves of Middle Earth was born out from the Nordic myths. And if you’re familiar on both, you too will notice how:
- Unlike the cartoonish dwarfs of Snow White, Tolkien’s dwarves are more rugged, warlike, fierce and strong.
- Both are miners, though the dwarves are metal workers and warriors. They ditched the pointy hats and wore cloaks and armors.
- The dwarves are bigger than Snow White’s dwarfs. Though both are smaller than humans, the dwarves were never the size of stuff animals. At four feet, six inches, they are the same height as a human preteen, and twice more heavily built.
- The LOTR dwarves are known for their greed.
With that said, we will have a different outcome if Snow White stumbles upon the Middle Earth dwarves instead.
Snow White will Have a Hard Time Finding Them
Assuming that the Middle Earth dwarves already regained the Lonely Mountain, then Snow White will need some serious leg power. In the Disney film she came across the dwarf’s lodge after some walking in the forest. And to reach the Lonely Mountain Bilbo Baggins engaged in an epic journey that ended by the beginning of winter. She might meet dwarves that gone out to do leisure though, but by then Snow White’s story will be different.
The Lonely Mountain is not the only dwarven strongholds, but being underground and fortified, Snow White should learn how to hike first. And speaking of fortified…
She will Find a Fortified or Underground Home
Nope, she won’t find a cottage or a house. Dwarves will either have a fortified mountain or a network of underground complex. Dwarven kingdoms consist of Moria, Lonely Mountain, Mount Gundabad, Iron Hills, Orocarni, Grey Mountains and Amon Rudh. If they have one thing in common, they are underground mountain kingdom, and Thorin and his line was often referred to as the King under the Mountain.
Snow White will have to adjust, but she will be well cared there. For one thing she will be protected. Eventually the protection of an underground complex will change her story as…
Her Evil Queen Mom will be Cautious
Even if her magic mirror confirmed her survival, good luck if the evil Queen will go there by herself. Bilbo Baggins and the rest had a hard time trekking their way to the Lonely Mountain, and a Queen will never ever walk by herself towards dangerous territories. Her ploy of disguising as an old lady will never work in this case. Maybe she could send an army. But sending her armed force for the sake of killing a stepchild will caught the attention of neighboring kingdoms. Now she will face the wrath of dwarves, elves, men, even Eagles for starting a war unprovoked. An assassin will be a better choice though the queen will stay away from huntsmen for good this time. But the assassin must be a special kind of idiot, because…
The Dwarves Are No Joke
The Middle Earth dwarves are sometimes presented as comical. But you heard what they did to the goblins. You saw how Gimli fought the orcs. They are a race of expert warriors. Their underground homes are enough of a defense. But if you are an intruder consider yourself lost if you meet a mattock wielding dwarf along the way. Based on Tolkien’s description they are miniature ground dwelling Vikings.
The Dwarves Will Scare Snow White
And now that our princess got an armed and armored consorts instead of a bunch of cartoonish fellows, I’m not sure if she will like them at first though. We could imagine how by ill luck several dwarves went to hunt, saw the princess lost and running, they tried to help and she freaked out at the sight of several ugly and armed little people. She might even think that they are hired mercenaries in league with the Queen. It will take someone as wise as Balin or someone as comical as Bombur to calm her down.
The Queen will Meet a Grim End
With everything said you might have realized how things aren’t going right for the Queen. Not only that she failed to be the fairest, but Snow White has pretty powerful allies by now. An assassin won’t be the best choice; she could bribe her way and take advantage of the dwarves, avarice. She might find a few corrupt guards but even if she succeeded, murdering your stepdaughter over vanity won’t be taken lightly by the surrounding kingdoms. There will be wars and her people will leave her for bringing them into this mess. And what if Snow White acted first and her dwarves went hunting for the queen instead. I mean the evil queen is not much of a witch. If all the magic she did are asking an enchanted mirror and making poisoned apples, she is in very deep water now.
How the Story will go Now
The odd mix of characters will result in a very different Snow White story. We will see fewer fairy-tales here and everything will go grimmer. Things will start the way it is; the story opens with Snow White’s birth before her evil step mom steps in. After she escapes her mom’s fury, things will take a different turn now.
Let’s make things easier for Snow White and from here we assume that she meets a platoon of dwarves in a hunting trip. After freaking out she calms a bit and was taken to the safety of the underground kingdom. The evil Queen then freaks out upon learning that her step daughter is still alive in the formidable stronghold of the dwarves. If you prefer a darker ending, let’s say that the Queen bribes a corrupt dwarf and murders Snow White. The scandal in the dwarven kingdom leaks and they trace the murder to the evil Queen. Furious, they executed the traitorous dwarf and sent their army to punish the Queen. The neighboring kingdom learns of the crime and a force consisting of men, elves and Eagles joins the dwarven army. The threat of war made the Queen unpopular and her people left her; hence she committed suicide as the dwarven army takes her kingdom.
But not all people are in to tragedy so let’s make things lighter here. For an alternate ending let’s assume that as the Queen lays her assassination plan, Snow White acted first and informed the dwarves about her. Furious, they send their forces and the allied kingdoms join in. Again the combined armies of men, elves, dwarves and eagles (with a strong probability of a wizard joining them) scared the Queen’s people so much that they left her to fend for herself. I mean it is her fault that got her into this mess anyway! With no one left to defend her, she committed suicide and Snow White took over as the new queen.
And they live happily ever after!
And as you can see, we have no need for any cheesy Prince Charming. And I think I should do a fan fiction on this.