What do Cockroaches Want? Do Roaches Bathe themselves?
The Cockroach is Vermin, But What Does it Want?
The hostess should never invite a cockroach to her tea party, cotillion, or elegant ball no matter how charming that cockroach may at first appear. Cockroaches are not social animals, preferring to run screaming for cracks and corners before they would ever engage in conversation or a round of gin rummy. In fact, the only thing a cockroach will do is head straight to the sugary treats on display and nibble on the sugariest, juiciest bits, along the edges, ruining every single sandwich, snack cake, and hunk of cheese you have placed out for your guests.
What do these atrocious vermin want with your house, and why are they always trying to break in to pester your otherwise thrilling events?
Cockroaches are Excellent Athletes
The noble cockroach is actually an excellent athlete. They can run faster than any other similar-sized creature with a thrilling, breakneck pace. Some can soar gracefully through the air on wings as large as crackers. Despite being an atrocious, hideous vermin that is a blight upon any host or hostess' party, the cockroach is an impressive sight in the right context. For instance, from far enough away, on an open track, a cockroach race is an amazing sight, where the nervous, excitable insects will lead into action at the rapport of the gun, racing to the finish line in a dazzling display of speed and fortitude. As long as they are far down on the racing track, it is perfectly appropriate to enjoy the sight of cockroaches, gracefully leaping to the finish line!
Cockroaches are Dirty!
Nobody likes a cockroach, but unlike other vermin like rats or mice or lobsters, cockroaches will never strike out at anyone or bite or scratch or pinch them. Instead, a cockroach will engage in something far more pernicious. A cockroach will spread all sorts of filthy diseases wherever they go. Cockroaches are very dirty, because they do not have time to bathe or wash themselves. Instead, they use their filth as a natural defense against their enemies, leaving a trail of filth and disease behind them wherever they go to make anyone who tries to catch up with them (which you probably can't: they're very, very fast) extremely sick!
The last thing you want at your party is a cockroach filling the establishment up with germs and filth!
Never invite a cockroach to your party! They only want to eat all your food, run about the place, lay some eggs, and spread disease!
Cockroaches Raise Big Families!
There are about 4,500 cockroach clans in the world, and they are all dedicated to their families and clans, producing an amazing number of children, up to 400 to 500 per lady cockroach. (Nothing ruins a party faster than a lady laying 100 eggs behind the punch bowl!) These impressive abilities mean cockroaches are always on the lookout for anything that might help their children. Imagine how difficult it is just to raise a family of four or five! Four or five hundred little cockroaches would be a troublesome brood! It is no wonder cockroaches are such terrible party guests. They want to take what they can while they can and rush back to their families, carrying whatever free combustibles they are able to sneak away on their backs for their huge families!
Sometimes they Hiss!
Cockroaches are terrible guests at operas and recitals. They never clap or cheer. They only hiss. In South America, cockroaches are famous for their unfriendly hissing. No one ever invites a cockroach to a school play, because they are so rude!
If hissing wasn't bad enough, they don't really seem to stay through the whole event. They often scamper off into the walls, searching for food, because with their busy life of running races and raising families, they want nothing more than to steal all the sugar from the kitchen and scamper off to their busy life.