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What the Candidates are Really Saying: Romney, Obama, Paul, Santorum, and More

Updated on February 2, 2012

Thanks Goodness for Democracy!

It's time to hear some positive speech from the candidates.
It's time to hear some positive speech from the candidates.

Other Things to Consider

Bear in mind, these are the end times. Here's proof why:

5 Reasons that 2012 is the Last Year I made up the facts to prove it, just like everybody else.

More Reasons that 2012 is the Last Year I found some real facts, twisted them, and added them to the pile.

The Candidates In Their Own Words

I heard that 92% of the political commercials run in Florida before the primary were negative. I'm sick of negative commercials and I haven't even seen any yet.

I thought it would be fair to let you see what each of the candidates have to say for themselves. View it as a HubPages Debate sponsored by Doug Berry.

Unfortunately, Newt Gingrich as so far failed to participate. The Libertarians and Green Party both thought that this was some sort of government plot and fled the room. If any of them change their minds, I'll let you know.

Some of you may try to tell me, "But so-and-so has already dropped out of the race" or "Obama's not in the primaries," but I don't care. You can write any name in that you want. In Crayon. They'll be impressed by Crayon down at the precinct office.

Ron Paul, "I'm a Leprecaun Farmer Who's a Gambler"

Rick Santorum, "I'm Crazy, but I'm Right."

Mitt Romney "I Will Force Spiders and Badgers On The Enemy"

Herman Cain "Everybody Needs Toucan Stubs"

Michelle Bachman "I Hope You Don't Come Shoot At Me"

Rick Perry "What's Good Is To Get These Goats For Our Computer Industry"

Barack Obama "The Hulk Would Smash My Windows; It's Crazy."

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