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What if Santa Clause was Santa Bob?

Updated on April 22, 2011
This is a real picture of Santa Bob.
This is a real picture of Santa Bob. | Source
The originators of Rudolph considered calling him Reginald
The originators of Rudolph considered calling him Reginald | Source

Brilliance, thou art a child.

What if Santa Clause had been named Santa Bob?

My daughter, known for her brilliant questions, asked me this the other day. It made me think.

What if Santa Clause was named Santa Bob? What if Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer was actually Reginald with the mild allergies Reindeer? What if Jesus Christ had been named Gilbert Dorfman? So many traditions would be different. For one, it wouldn’t be Christmas, it would be Dorfmas; also, the songs would be a little different.

I can hear the Dorfmas carolers now…..

Here comes Santa Bob,

Here comes Santa Bob,

Right down Santa Bob Lane….

Followed by….

Reginald with the mild allergies Reindeer

Had a very loud sounding sneeze,

And if you ever heard it

You would yell shut-it-up please .

And wrapping up the caroling would be the famous…

Oh Dorfmas Tree

Oh Dorfmas Tree….

It's Dorfmas time in the city..

Wow, this name thing could have deep implications. People would be visiting Santa Bob at the mall while picking up Dorfmas presents. People would be waiting by the window hoping their loved ones returned in time for Dorfmas.

There would be Dorfmas traditions including a Dorfmas turkey with all the trimmings, Dorfmas cards sitting on the mantle, and an annual family Dorfmas picture.

In the background of every home you would hear strains of “I’m Dreaming of a White Dorfmas” coming from the radio. When people stubbed their toes while bringing in Dorfmas presents from the car, they would yell out Gilbert Dorfman ! Names, it seems, are important.


What's in a name?

I remember when our daughter was born and we were trying to find the perfect name for her. We must have looked at every name in every name book ever written. The name had to fit her . The meaning had to be beautiful . Finally, when she was twelve we gave in and named her Chelsea. It means boat port, but we were tired. She’s a little miffed that her name doesn’t mean “grace” or “kind hearted“ or “she-who-will-be-queen-of-the-universe” but she is happy we stopped calling her “hey you”.

The Pimpleboogersnot salute.
The Pimpleboogersnot salute. | Source

All Hail Pimpleboogersnot

There are tons of names through history that I believe make the person-or animal memorable. If the names of famous people throughout history had been different, we would be calling them different names today. Or, in the case of some, perhaps not even noticing them at all.

What if Joseph Stalin had been Johnny Rosebud? What if Adolf Hitler had been Bernard Finklestein? Well, actually with a name like Finklestein, it wouldn’t have gone well for him. What if he had been named Pimpleboogersnot? Can you imagine people lining up, saluting in unison and chanting Heil Pimpleboogersnot !?

Yeah, that doesn’t work for me. Odds are, it wouldn’t have worked for the Germans either.


Snow Yellow and the Seven Little People

If Bambi the cute little deer had been Barney, if Barney the purple dinosaur had been George, and God forbid, if George the monkey had been Bernice, I believe there is a movie, a TV show, and a book that we would never have the pleasure (or horror) of knowing (or having to deal with). I only wish Tele Tubbies had been named Rolly Polly Unintelligible Guys That You Don’t Want To Emulate. Age 3-6 with my kid would have been much easier.

There’s the childhood classic tales that may not have been so classic had they been named differently. Would anyone have bothered to read Snow Yellow and the Seven Little People? If Cinderella had been named Bootsie, would anyone have cared about her plight? If Aladdin had been Chad Wadingsworth III would we have been happy or sad that he found the Magic Lamp?

Then, of course you have Mickey Mouse, (god forbid he’d been named Ethan), Daffy Duck (Gerald) and lord help us all if Bugs Bunny had gone with the first draft of Insect Rabbit .

Wow. This Santa Bob question is certainly a tough one. The implications are endless. I think I’ll just go listen to some Dorfmas music and sleep on it.


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    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Chris- it's really true. I still believe my life would have been richer and more wonderfuller if only my name had been Pop-gosthe Weasel. I wanted to name Chelsea, CORD. Her full name would have been Cord Anita Roy-making her cord-a-roy.

      Mike, who doesn't fully get the profoundness of a name on a life, wouldn't let me call Chelsea Cord, OR change my name to pop-gosthe weasel. I would have settled for Suzie pimplebooger, but that wasn't to his liking either.

      I have SUCH a picky husband!!

    • ChrisLincoln profile image


      7 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California


      Loved this, I mean what is in a name? You were named after a Johny Cash song right?

      Chelsea is an awesome Soccer team...

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Tammy- Welcome fellow twisted mind! Yee Haa! Yes! I love it.

      What if Big Ben were Big Alfred?

      What if The Leaning Tower of Piza was The Straight Tower of Hamburger and French Fries with no trans-fats?

      This is fun!! Thank you for playing! Welcome to the land of the twisted. If you haven't already, check out Chris Lincoln's top 10's and Stan Fletcher's newest series about the super-hero Harry Manboobs.

      I think your twisted sense of humor will find itself right at home with these guys!

    • Tammy L profile image

      Tammy L 

      7 years ago from Jacksonville, Texas

      And what about historical places and events? "Remember the Alamo" has a better ring to it than "Y'all remember that place where Davy Crockett got killed". Bonnie and Clyde were called Harriet and Chester.

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Jane- Scarlett O'hara's original name WAS Blanche Sump. The story of her life "Gone With the Blowing Air" did not go over well, hence the name changes.

      It's funny you should say that about eovery's avatar, my daughter and I were just talking about how cool her avatar is! I want one of whatever that is, it's too cute.

    • Jane Bovary profile image

      Jane Bovary 

      7 years ago from The Fatal Shore

      Very good questions Sue.I'm not sure sure about that 'a rose would smell as sweet stuff'. If Scarlett O'hara had been called Blanche Sump would she have seemed as desirable...?

      I laughed over that comment about waiting until your daughter was 12 to find the right name..haha.

      eovery's avatar is so cute.

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Eovery- I hope that wasn't over the top?? If you keep reading, I'll keep hubbing! I love your hubs, by the way!

    • eovery profile image


      7 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

      Snow Yellow? That got my attention.

      Keep on hubbing!

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Drbj- Thank you. You are the first, I will remember this with fondness the rest of my life. ~sniff~. Sorry about that, the emotions are overwhelming. Merry Dorfmas to you too!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      7 years ago from south Florida

      I hope I'm the first to wish you, "Happy Dorfmas." I dunno, somehow it doesn't just sound the same. Funny, funny hub, though. Thanks.


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