What's Your Hitchcock?- What Your Favorite Hitch Film Says About You

If you haven't seen an Alfred Hitchcock film, let me just start by saying that I feel very, very sorry for you.  You must lead a very wretched and pointless life, and for that you have my sympathy.  The good thing is, this problem can be easily remedied!  And how so, you may ask?  It's actually very easy- all of Hitch's masterpieces are available on DVD and, with a little digging around here and there, you can find the more noteworthy ones at your nearest Blockbuster.  His entire works are located on Amazon, so praise the internet gods for your luck.

Moving on, if you have been fortunate enough to see at least one of the films created by this legendary director, give yourself a pat on the back.  You've done yourself a great service!  You've exposed yourself to great, classic film from the Golden Era of Cinema.  They just don't make them like that anymore. 

After much thought, I've compiled a list of Hitchcock's most famous contributions with a little, handy synopsis to go with each.  Also, if one of your favorites is listed, I've got a theory about what that may mean about you and the fascinating life you lead.  With that said, here we go:

Psycho

This 1960 thriller made cinematic history for being so goshdarn terrifying.  There's not much I can reveal about the plot of this movie without giving away the twist, which if you're lucky enough to not know the twist at the end of this movie, you are in for a real treat.  Unfortunately I've found that knowing the end of Psycho seems like something everyone is born with.  Everyone knows the ending to Psycho like everyone knows the ending of The Sixth Sense.  Bruce Willis is dead.  Oh...sorry.

What this means about you:  Well, you've got a flair for suspense at its finest and love a good, shocking ending.  You may also have mommy issues.

Rear Window

Ah, yes.  My personal favorite.  That may or may not have something to do with my unnatural obsession with the Great Jimmy Stewart.  Regardless, it's another example of great Hitchcock.  This 1954 suspense/thriller is about a photographer (Stewart) who's limited to a wheelchair after an accident.  Because of this, he spends a lot of his free time watching the other neighbors in his complex doing everyday things.  Things start to go all wrong for him, though, when he thinks he's seen something he shouldn't have: a possible murder.  The lovely Grace Kelly co-stars as his suspicious girlfriend.

What this means about you: You like a good, suspenseful build-up with a worthwhile, explosive ending.  You like to watch people, too.  Maybe a little too much?

Vertigo

Another classic Hitchcock film starring Jimmy Stewart.  Vertigo (1958) is about a man afraid of heights, a woman who thinks she's possessed, and the obsessive nature of love.  Like Psycho, it's not one I can go into too much without revealing things that'd spoil the experience.  Of all Hitch's films, I'd say Vertigo is the most complex and layered.  It really is a rich story that twists and turns until the very end.

What this means about you: You like a good mystery that leaves you guessing until the end.  You're pretty deep, too.  Just stay away from tall buildings and the San Francisco Bay, alright?

Strangers on a Train

My favorite Hitch film that doesn't star Jimmy Stewart.  Strangers on a Train (1951) is about a famous tennis player who meets the wrong fan on a train ride to see his soon-to-be-ex-wife.  And he wants to make a deal with him- one he basically can't say no to.  Strangers on a Train is an amazing film, and in my opinion it stars one of the great movie villains of all time, Bruno Anthony, played perfectly by Robert Walker.

What this means about you: You like movies about a character's struggle.  You like to walk through a character's shoes as they confront moral dilemma after moral dilemma.  Yelling at the screen may be involved.

Dial M For Murder

This 1954 suspense starring, once again, the beautiful Grace Kelly, is about a man's intricate plot to kill his wife.  The problem is, he didn't suspect her to be so darn smart!  Dial M is a perfect example of Hitch's mastery in the genre of suspense...rather than shock us with the fact that it's been her husband that's wanted to off her the whole time, we know from the beginning.  The entertainment comes from the fact that we know Kelly doesn't know, and we wonder when exactly she'll figure things out.  When you think about it, Dial M is just about the polar opposite of Psycho...instead of being shocked by a surprise ending, we get to watch the main character struggle to figure it out themselves.  And that's really all the fun!

What this means about you: You like to watch people squirm, or rather, you like to be all-knowing when it comes to movies.  Forget shocks and twists, that stuff's for sissies.