When I Get Rich--30 Items I Must Buy
Money, Money, Money!
Some days I feel sorry for wealthy people. They aren't allowed to sit about and daydream about all the wonderful things they will buy when they are rich(er). Then again, there is a certain amount of satisfaction in knowing that I have at least one luxury that they do not.
Even so, I still like to make mental lists of all the neat stuff I will buy as soon as I come into the big money. Now, I know that money is "the root of all evil", and that it "can't buy happiness", but it can buy certain things to comfort me while I am being evil and unhappy.
In celebration of this being my 30th hub, I will divulge 30 of the items, from the outrageous to the practical, from my "Things to Buy When I Am Rich" list. What would you buy if you suddenly became wealthy?
Hot Air Balloon
This is first on my list, because I have always wanted a balloon, and that is exactly the excuse I will use for buying the newest, sportiest one on the lot. Hot air balloons are practical too. I can make back most of my money by selling rides on the weekends.
I can also spy on neighbors that live in the next county, and start a few UFO scares with the proper attachment of strobe lights. What's more, I will be the only person in the neighborhood who owns one, which will add to my "eccentric rich-person" reputation.
A balloon isn't always a practical means of transportation. I mean, I'm not going to go inflate it every time I need to run to town for a loaf of bread. It is very difficult to find appropriate parking for balloons too, and they have no alarm system.
So, I will need a new rig. Since I intend to have at least twenty children, cargo space will be much more important than fuel economy. Nothing says Oklahoma redneck stylin' like a brand new Dodge four door pickup.
With some creative horizontal stacking, I should be able to fit ten passengers into the cab and a twelve or more in the bed. This will make that trip for bread much easier on everyone, as the Beetle would be a bit crowded after ten or so kids, and the loaves would most likely get squashed at some point.
I"m not sure that I really need a full time butler, I would just like some lurking presence with an impeccable British accent to answer the door. Just the thing one doesn't expect to find in a small, vintage home in the middle of Oklahoma!
There might not be enough traditional tasks to keep the man busy, so I hope he likes gardening and pool-keeping as well. In his spare time, he will also have the priviledge of balloon inflation and waxing. (note that I am attempting to use the haughty tone of voice here. By law, anyone who has over a million dollars has to use a superior tone when speaking or writing.)
Even though television warns us that "hoarding", "collecting", and "obsessing over" items is bad and shows we have character weakness, I intend to take that risk and buy a multitude of certain easily-lost items. Never again will I have to search kitchen drawers or under the couch cushions for missing objects:
- Socks--at least a thousand pairs. That way, by the end of the year, I will have about ten pairs left that match.
- Scissors--I want a dozen pairs in every room.
- Sharpies--I must confess. I AM a Sharpie addict. And rather than seeking therapy for this, I will simply go out and purchase several of each color ever made.
- Plastic totes--A happy home is one with all the clutter stored in neatly labelled plastic totes.
- Meatloaf albums. Lifelong fan, never owned an album. Sad.
- Picasso Painting. Doesn't matter which one, he is my hero.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who dreams of having their own swimming pool. Don't even think my dream pool will be like your dream pool though. I want a nice, skinny pool that is twelve feet deep from end to end. It will be locked away in a windowless building where I can swim any hour of the day or night in any type of suit without fear of peepers. Or worse, people who think that I actually want them in my water.
Sorry, but I am not really the party person anyhow, and the thought of tons of people crowding my pool when I want to do laps isn't really my fantasy. Besides, in a world of sue-happy people also looking to get rich, I would have to play lifeguard day and night to make sure someone didn't try to drown themselves to get a chunk of my hard won money!
I am and have always been a Star Wars fan. As such, I desperately NEED a life size, autographed Darth Vader stand-up somewhere in my home. I don't really care who autographs it, I just feel that is important to have somebody's name on it somewhere.
If I am filthy, stinking rich, this will be a three-dimensional type stand-up that makes the appropriate emphysema sounds when you walk by, and will be made out of some valuable substance, such as plastic. If I am only a tiny bit rich, then heavy cardboard will suffice.
When I was eleven, I discovered this wonderful book by Robert Graves. It is a fictionalized account of the lives of the first four emperors of Rome. It is scandalous and captivating, as it details the 'real' lives of Rome's historical figures, all as supposedly chronicled by Claudius.
Not only is the book fantastic, the BBC mini-series was superb. It featured elaborate sets, and some wonderful performances by actors such as Sir Derek Jacobi, John Hurt, and John Rhys-Davies. I'm sure I have watched this excruciatingly long but never boring series hundreds of times, yet I don't own a copy. I have to borrow it occasionally from my mother.
Therefore, (and this may be what I buy on my trip home from the balloon store) I really need my own set of DVD's, as well as the book. Not owning it is just as sad, if not more so, than not owning my own Meatloaf album.
Forget a trip to the spa or salon--I'm headed straight for Barnes and Noble.
- Complete works of Edgar Rice Burroughs. Because I still don't know what happened on Mars.
- All the Star Wars and Star Trek fan novels.
- The complete Stephen King collection. Because I am still borrowing THAT from my mother too!
Since I will probably have a lot more social contacts once I am wealthy, I will need a better computer. I won't pick out a specific one just yet, because getting rich doesn't always happen overnight, and a better model may come out day after tomorrow
I do know, however, what requirements it will need. It MUST be able to boot up in less than five seconds. It MUST be hot pink (even the keyboard) with a personalized graphic design. It MUST hold ten gazillion gigabytes of data, fit into a small purse and weigh less than a paperback. It will also have the ability to connect with my wi/fi even if I am a thousand miles away.
Oh, and that reminds me. I will need new internet service. Something fast that never crashes even if the satellite is kidnapped by aliens. Impossible you say? Hey...this is MY daydream!
I will need a small house or other building moved to my vast (two) acreage to house my growing book collection. Like my pool, this library will be completely run by my own rules. I will arrange the books not by author or subject, but by how well I like them on a scale of 1-10. No shelves will be higher than five feet so I never have to stretch to reach anything. As well as books, the library will have to have:
- A comfy chair
- My own Coke Machine filled weekly with Diet Coke. ( I want one of the cool robotic machines that grabs the bottle and drops it through the door. Its very sci/fi.)
- Unlimited supply of paper to jot down notes and sketches as I am inspired by what I read.
Shop Til You Drop
I may as well add these shopping sprees to my list:
- Dollar Tree- (just because I will be rich doesn't mean I won't still love buying something for a dollar)
- Hobby Lobby-(where I will blow all the money I saved at Dollar Tree)
Toys R Us Shopping Spree
Remember those twenty kids? Even though I intend to take them along on the book buying extravaganza, and they will have access to all the caffeine they need to stay awake and finish reading, I want to do something kid-oriented with them too.
Don't assume I am being totally unselfish here. I love toy stores, and taking all the children to one is just a good excuse for my husband and I to play with the remote control helicopters. They can all pick out whatever they want, and while I am there I will stock up on some things I desperately need:
- Magic 8 ball (my mother really is getting tired of me borrowing everything.)
- Ouija board (to scare the neighbors that didn't see the UFO lights.)
- Original Tetris game. (there goes my Hub writing)
Good friends are hard to find for free, and some people might say that you shouldn't trust a friend you have to buy. I'm sure that as soon as my name hits the papers though, I will have scores of free friends that I didn't even know existed, as well as new relatives that I'm certain I didn't have when I was poor.
That is why I think it is very important to purchase at least one friend of my own choosing. I intend to look for certain qualities when purchasing this pal, such as pliability and durability.
They should be low maintenance and spontaneous, and come with a suitable return policy, as well as a guarantee of replacement parts. For their own comfort, they shouldn't have a fear of heights, water, fire, alligators, or children.
Free Time for Art and Writing
Now I am down to the most important part. Free time. Since my poor over-worked butler will handle cooking, cleaning, pool maintenance, landscaping, inflating the balloon and filling the truck with gas, I will have much more time every day. If he doesn't, then maybe that friend will...
Since life isn't a cell phone plan, I can't buy additional minutes, but I can pay people to do all the tasks that heartlessly eat away my fun time. I will be able to spend time with each of those rascally children, and still be able to turn on the computer without the guilt of knowing a pile of dishes is staring at me from the kitchen.
Rich, Rich, Rich
Do you daydream about the things you will do when you become wealthy?
Before I Go
So there is a little peek into my mind, and a promise of how things will be. I'm still not sure how I will acquire all of these funds, but I am pretty sure it is in my destiny. Naturally, the list goes on beyond thirty items, but I won't bore you with more insanity.
Lets meet again at the next tribute, Hub 50! And until then, don't feel shy. Tell me what you dream of buying when you too become wealthy. And remember, this is all for fun.
Of course we all want to use our money to make the world a better place for humans and animals, and I'm sure most of us would if given the chance. But what are the little, quirky things you would do just for yourself and your family? And remember, I will be taking applications soon for friends and/or butlers, so be sure to let your uniqueness shine.