ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Why Cows Can't Fly

Updated on April 27, 2020
jimagain profile image

Jim is an accomplished writer with many great literary achievements, most of which he simply made up.

Apparently somewhere along the process of time, evolution categorically bypassed cows when it came to the prospect of flight. Perhaps this in some way contributed positively to the survival rate of mankind as I'm sure cows falling out of the sky would be a survival hazard in any epoch of time.

And there are other potential problems airborne bovine could have caused. For instance, could the branches of most trees support the weight of one cow, let alone a flock of them? Not to mention other problems like cows getting stuck in trees or otherwise perching on power lines which would not have been invented for another billion years or so. This is probably why you seldom hear distress calls like, "Help, my cow is stuck in the tree and I can't get it down!" I don't have any statistics to back this up but I'm relatively certain there aren't many emergency calls for that. This problem was therefore left to cats who are quite adept at climbing up trees but tend to balk at the prospect of climbing back down them, leaving little old ladies in frequent duress. I'm certain the local Fire Department doesn't have ladders big enough to carry a cow down out of a tree if one were to get stuck. Of course this is also a good thing in light of the mess that just a few birds can make on any unfortunate items parked underneath their perch. Imagine the mess one cow could make on Ground Zero! Yechhhh!

Why shouldn't cows fly? They put monkeys in rockets and sent them into the cosmos in the early days of space exploration. Snoopy had his flying Sopwith Camel doghouse. And don't forget those huge pterodactyls large enough to fly off with a cow. So if a dinosaur could fly, why not a cow? I'm not sure if cows had their civil rights violated but I hear Congress is investigating.

So why can't cows fly? ...besides a few obvious problems with the laws of aerodynamics, I have compiled my list of other factors I believe may contribute to their inability to fly;

  • they couldn't pass the test for their pilots license.
  • their ears aren't big enough --look at Dumbo.
  • their butts are too big for the pilots' seat.
  • they can't make it through airport security.
  • they can't afford the price of a ticket since most earn relatively little income.
  • restrooms on planes are woefully inadequate to accommodate bovines due to size limitations.

...which is why you've probably never heard of Rudolph, the Red-nosed Holstein!

© 2011 Jim Henderson


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)