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Why I Love the Pittsburgh Steelers (Top Ten Reasons)

Updated on May 11, 2012

10. No Cheerleaders

I don’t want nothing, especially not scantily clad extremely attractive members of the opposite sex, distracting me when I’m ready for some football. Hank Williams always did more for me than Faith Hill when it came getting up for the game. And then there is my obsession with fantasy football, a science not a game, which requires considerable intellectual acumen and multitasking dexterity (if you have more teams than one like me). I can deal with my other fantasies on days other than Sunday, Monday, and Thursday when there are no NFL games. The Browns don’t have cheerleaders either, but who would want to see a bunch of guys from the dawgpound in clown suits anyway.

Now, as far as why the Steelers don’t have cheerleaders. They once did, you know. Before anyone else. But there are so many beautiful women who are either Steeler fans/live in the Pittsburgh area, it became impossible to select only a few for the squad. If you don’t believe me, just search on “Steeler babes.”

9. Bad Hair Days

Like who has a badder beard than Brett Kiesel. And he shaves it off for charity every year. Then there’s Troy. Runway models drool over that bad do. Troy’s hair is so bad that it is insured for one million dollars. Remember that game against the Chiefs when he intercepted a pass and got tackled by the hair? The Head & Shoulders executives were aghast and demanded that the commissioner implement a rule prohibiting hair-pulling. But the commissioner, a fan of girlie guys, promulgated a rule against hitting wide receivers with long pretty hair like Larry Fitzgerald.

8. Hypocycloids

No, that’s not people from Cleveland. Hypocycloids are what are on the helmet. Who else displays such originality in terms of costume design? Not the Browns, surely. They, quite appropriately, have nothing on their helmets. The nothing must represent the number of Super Bowl victories they have attained. You can also find the cloids on The Diesel's uniform once you get past the beard.

7. Taylor Lautner Is a Steelers Fan

This scores me some points with my teenage daughter so she manages to tolerate all the Steelers memorabilia I have lying around the house. Like those Steeler bad call bricks I throw at the TV when the zebras screw up. And the Steeler blankets I cover the furniture with. And all the Steeler games I record that wipe out her favorites such as “Pretty Little Liars” and “The Bachelor.” Actually, she is more of a Penguins fan than a Steelers fan. I think she likes hockey better because fighting is discouraged in football.

6. Versatility

Big Ben punts. Our owner is Ambassador to Ireland. Terry Bradshaw appeared naked in a movie. And let me tell you, that really ticked off his mother who was 76-years-old at the time. After church she took a busload of her friends to see the movie, and Terry hadn’t told her what they would see. I was thinking about including the picture of Bradshaw’s butt, but the rules for this site state the following are prohibited: “Nudity and lewd, obscene, or provocative images (including strategically covered nudity, see-through or sheer clothing, and close-ups of breasts, butts, or crotches). So even blacking out that big butt would have been dubious. Who hasn’t seen it anyway.

Yeah, and can Hines Ward dance or what?

Since I can't show you the pic of Terry's behind, here's a pic of the cup he drank all that booze out of before he took off his clothes.

5. Nicknames

What better name for a defense than Blitzburgh or The Steel Curtain? I even like the nicknames of our divisional opponents, the Bungles, Clowns, and Ratbirds. Remember the time Deebo aka Silverback body slammed the Clowns fan? The Chief, Art Rooney Sr., founded the team and the Rooney family hired coaches like Chuckie (did you know that Joe Paterno turned down the job before Chuck Noll accepted it) and The Jaw and rode to championships on players like Da Bus. Pittsburgh is notorious for great food, and player nicknames with culinary connotations amuse me the most. You know, like The Big Snack (Casey Hampton). Who remembers Dobre Shunka (Polish for great ham)? Wasn’t it Dracula (Jack Lambert) who first suggested that quarterbacks should wear dresses?

The greatest single play in the history of the NFL also has a nickname. Who can’t explain the Immaculate Reception?

4. The Stadium

Heinz Field. Why does the name Heinz bring to mind? (Hint: something red) Right, blood! Steelers make the opponents bleed. Do you really believe that’s ketchup in those bottles? Think about it. Night of the Living Dead, Martin the Blood Lover, Sorority Row, and The Silence of The Lambs were all filmed in or around Pittsburgh.

I might also mention that the seating capacity of Heinz Field is 64,450, and the drinking capacity is 64,450 x approximately 134,250 16-ounce beers.

3. No Drama Queens

The Steelers get rid of them. New York likes to rid us of our drama queens. Plaxico Burress left, shot himself in the foot with his Glock in a New York City nightclub, and went to prison. Santonio Holmes criticized his quarterback, saying Mark Sanchez needed to get the ball to the playmakers (meaning himself) and the only thing Sanchez did right all season was Kate Upton.

2. The Terrible Towel

Seriously, what good is a rally monkey? You can’t wear it as a miniskirt unless you skin it first. Proceeds from the sale of Terrible Towels have raised millions of dollars for a charity benefiting people with mental disabilities (and not just Browns fans). What I like best about the Terrible Towel is when Lady Gaga brandishes it during one of her concerts. It distracts me from looking at her. I have to give a shout out to the late great Myron Cope (triple yoi!) for inventing the Terrible Towel. Myron once said, “If that boy billionaire thinks he can shut me up, he should stick his head in a can of paint.” He said that after Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder sent someone into the broadcast booth during a game to tell Cope to stop referring to his team as the “Wash Redfaces.”

1. Bling, Baby, Bling

Lombardi Trophies and Super Bowl rings. What team has more. And very soon it will be seven and Steeler Nation will be in heaven. The reason we didn’t get there this past season is not because Tim Tebow prayed more than Big Ben. God stays out of football. The Bible is more about baseball. “In the beginning (In the big inning) . . .”

Incidentally, in light of this talk of heaven and such, my next hub entitled “Why I Love the Bible (Top Ten Reasons)” is forthcoming.

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    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

      I don't know a whole lot about sports or this particular team but you have a great sense of humor. I got a kick out of your fun hub. I hit every button. Glad to be a new follower.

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 5 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Well, aren't you just too sweet, Minnetonka Twin.

      I might write a few more like "Why I Love Teenagers (Top Ten Reasons)" and "Why I Love Marriage (Top Ten Reasons)." The number one reason for the latter will be: 1. I'm not married!

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

      I can relate to both of your top ten lists and would especially love the one about teens. I'm helping my twin sister raise her two kids that are 14 and 15. I am anxiously awaiting more from you...

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 5 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Hey, well we can compare notes on teenagers. I'll be posting on some of your hubs soon. I can't post on the forums now because I got banned for 3 days. I'm not sure why, other than it was on a "religious" thread, and I was kicking some atheist butt. Satan and his minions got pissed I guess.

      Speaking of butt, I think could have gotten away with posting a pic of Terry Bradshaw's butt. Maybe not. You probably have seen Failure to Launch and Terry's butt, right? If so, what did you think about it?

      In another hub I'm going to write, "Why I Love Supermodels (Top Ten Reasons)" I'm going to post a pic of Tom Brady wearing a bra and panties in that Victoria's Secret commercial he did with his wife Giselle, the supermodel. I hate the Patriots because they cheated the Steelers out of a Super Bowl. I know, we have more than anybody else, but still. God divinely inspired Eli to get even for us. Twice.

    • IzzyM profile image

      IzzyM 5 years ago from UK

      Brilliant effort for a first hub even though I know nothing about football, I still enjoyed this hub and look forward to reading the new ones you have planned!

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

      I would love to compare notes on teenage angst-We could start a support group. LOL Seriously, there are times where I am pulling my hair out. I use to be hormonal, way back when but now I just don't get some of the teenage behaviors and attitudes. Don't get me wrong, I love my niece and nephew but it can be challenging. About the Terry Bradshaw pic. I haven't seen it but now I want to google it and see what's going on. Had to laugh about your comment regarding being kicked off the forums. I have heard that the forums can be a tough crowd. I have made a few comments on the forums when it pops up on my email account. I've heard many say they've quit hitting the forums because there is too many there that have a need to be right and too much arguing. That doesn't sound like my kind of thing. Hope you have a great evening :-)

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 5 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Yeah Izzy, you knew so much about the Homeland Security guy, I can just imagine how many names you recognized in my hub (Izzy is a Scot now living in Spain, for those of you who can’t guess).

      Ladies (Izzy and Minnetonka Twin), you both have a recipe hub that interests me, and I will be commenting on those hubs soon.

      Food is very important when you are watching football, and you need to have it ready before the games begin. And not just food for me, either. I get visitors on Sundays because I don’t just get the Steeler games, I get all the games. Thank God for NFL Sunday Ticket.

      So from 12:30 pm to around 7:30 pm, I’m watching all the games on the TV, plus doing my fantasy football thing on my laptop. Then you have some free time from 7:30 pm (unless some games go into overtime) to around 8:30 pm, at which time the Sunday night game begins.

      Now the beer, I just put that in a big cooler in the living room.

      A bathroom break can be a problem, especially for number two. Number one is no problem, because I keep a piss jug handy. Some women have frowned upon this practice, but they get used to it. I suppose they are just jealous because they can’t use it

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

      You are such a riot! A pee can? You are serious about your football.

    • profile image

      B&G Jack 5 years ago

      Can't seem to get my password to work at the moment. I think some Patriots fan hacked it. You know, like how the Patriots cheated the Steelers out of a Super Bowl.

      Minnetonka Twin, of course I'm serious about my football. I can't believe that you are not. I mean, what's the meaning of your life then?

      Actually, these women I play fantasy football with are more wild and crazy than the guys. You should hear the smack talk coming out of their mouths.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

      Oh, I totally believe that. Women can be just as nuts or nuttier than guys. I do like to watch football during the football season. Our team pretty much sucks. The Vikings has some major work to do to get a better team for us Minnesotan's.

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 5 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Hey Minnetonka Twin, get Peyton Manning!

    • profile image

      shaker heights sam 5 years ago

      yeah i hate the squealers but this was a hoot.my brownies biggest play of the season was the hit that hurt big ben

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 5 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      I don't hate you, shaker heights sam, I just feel sorry for you. One of my best friends is a Browns fan. I just saw him today and he was whining again a about the lack of a team in Cleveland.

    • mts1098 profile image

      mts1098 4 years ago from InsideTheManCave

      Well I do not know about the Steelers but the Penguins and Flyers should make for some good hockey...cheers

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Hey mts1098, of course I love the Penguins too and maybe I'll do a hub on that.

      The Flyers and Penguins will be a war, starting Wednesday night. I can't wait.

    • mts1098 profile image

      mts1098 4 years ago from InsideTheManCave

      This series will be an absolute war...I do not think the Flyers will win

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Hey mts1098, what's blue and orange and does down the toilet faster than Liquid Plumber?

      Right, the Philadelphia Flyers.

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 4 years ago from West Virginia

      AWESOME ARTICLE! I am a fan of the AFC North. I must admit, I am a Bengal fan, but I respect Pittsburgh. The Steelers are a special breed of players. I can't help but root for a team that plays hard 100% of the time. The Steelers are that and more. Year in and out, the Steelers are there with a chance to go all the way. Class An organization.

    • Johnyy Rock profile image

      Johnyy Rock 4 years ago from Mcadoo Heights, Pennsylvania

      The only thing I disagree with is the first one. There's nothing better than a sexy girl wearing black and gold. Wait. A sexy girl wearing nothing is better, but lets keep it PG. LOL

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      thelyricwriter, condolences on being a Bengals fan. I think Johnny Rock might agree with me here. We would like the Bengals to get better. Good enough to beat the Ratbirds but not the Steelers.

      At least you're not a Browns fan. The Browns need to get a whole lot better to beat 3 teams not 1 team to win the division. That must be really depressing.

    • billd01603 profile image

      billd01603 4 years ago from Worcester

      Great article. Funny And I agree with you. The Immaculate Reception is the greatest play in football history

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Well billd, at least your Pats made it to the Super Bowl. The highlight of our season was putting a beatdown on you.

    • LisaMarie724 profile image

      Lisa Stover 4 years ago from Pittsburgh PA

      Loved this hub, I was borned and raised in Pittsburgh and we love our Steelers!

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Yeah, I bet you wear black and gold, LisaMarie, and look dang good in it!

      I have another hub about the Steelers entitled "Pittsburgh Steelers 2012 NFL Draft" where I'm adding comments when anything is new with our Steelers.

      I had a cool pic of a Steeler babe wearing a terrible towel as skirt but it got banned. Say what? Must have been a Browns fan who complained about it.

    • LisaMarie724 profile image

      Lisa Stover 4 years ago from Pittsburgh PA

      Hahaha People hate on the Steelers!! But I guess that's the price of being the best!

    • Johnyy Rock profile image

      Johnyy Rock 4 years ago from Mcadoo Heights, Pennsylvania

      "If you don’t believe me, just search on “Steeler babes.”

      Best thing I ever did in my life. hahaha

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Hey LisaMarie and Johnyy Rock, I just noticed your comments. For some reason I didn't get any notification of new comments.

      LisaMarie meet Johnyy Rock. You should read each other's hubs about Big Ben.

      I see another Super Bowl in our future this coming season. Oh yeah.

      I got a Steeler Super Bowl story, but I'll tell it tomorrow. Right now I got to take my Steeler dog for a walk. The Browns dogs from the dawg pound are out this time of night. Walking their dogs. Not for long. They run when they see Steeler wearing his terrible towel. Steeler always goes to the yard of the mentally challenged football fan who has a Cleveland Browns mailbox and takes a dump.

    • teddi20 profile image

      teddi20 4 years ago

      Great Hub!! I am a big Steelers fan and loved how you included about the hair. How tough is Troy to get tackled by his haid and it doesn't slow him down.

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Hey thanks, teddi20.

      I just noticed this comment. For some reason, I don’t get a notification when there is a comment on this particular hub.

      I saw an article today indicating that, according to Forbes, the Steelers are the 21st most valuable sports franchise, worth $1.02 billion.

      Manchester United is 1st at $2.23 billion and Real Madrid is 2nd at $1.88. Wow, and those two teams don’t even play real football. The Dallas Cowboys are tied for 3rd with the Evil Empire (Yankees) at $1.85 billion.

      I wonder how much Troy’s hair increased the value of the Steelers. Lol.

    • prettydarkhorse profile image

      prettydarkhorse 4 years ago from US

      Why did I miss this! I just love Steelers! I voted AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      You are just too sweet, prettydarkhorse!

      Yeah, I'm getting excited now.

      Less that 2 weeks until the first game, albeit an exhibition game, but it's against Philly in the Battle of Pennsylvania.

      Steelers and Eagles would make a great Super Bowl!

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      I am glad this popped up! I am a Pennsylvania raised Steeler's fan. I bleed black and gold too! In just a few more weeks it will be football season! This is one of my most favorite hubs of all time. :)

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      I'm a Cowboys fan living in the Pittsburgh area for about 4 years now, but my husband won't let me wear my Cowboys Jersey outside of the house (just kidding). I have to admit that I'll cheer for the Steelers when my boys aren't playing. Loved this hub!!!!

    • GoForTheJuggler profile image

      Joshua Patrick 4 years ago from Texas

      Nice hub, made me smile - voted up. Now, if only the Steelers would take care of this Mike Wallace situation....

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Oh, you just too sweet, tammyswallow.

      I just published a new hub entitled "Pittsburgh Steelers 2012 Exhibition Games -- Starting with the Battle of Pennsylvania" mostly for black and gold fans:

      https://hubpages.com/sports/Pittsburgh-Steelers-20...

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Now listen, Glimmer Twin Fan, the Cowboys are going nowhere fast.

      You need to get with the program and become a diehard Steelers fan.

      The Steelers will be playing the Cowboys this season. No, not in the Super Bowl. The Cowboys won't even make the playoffs, I don't think.

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Right, GoForTheJuggler, the Steelers have to resolve the situation with Mike Wallace.

      I can't believe it's gone on this long, and I sure hope it gets resolved soon.

      The Steelers have a new offense and a new offensive coordinator, and everybody needs to on the same page of the playbook.

    • mts1098 profile image

      mts1098 4 years ago from InsideTheManCave

      Hey BlackandGold - Just popped in to say hi and what a terrible year for cowboy and steeler fans...well hockey is back so who cares...cheers

    • BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image
      Author

      BLACKANDGOLDJACK 4 years ago from Blitzburgh area

      Hey mts, just noticed this comment. Yeah, the Steelers and Cowboys were close, but no cigar. If only the Cowboys had beat the Redskins. If only the Steelers had beat the Bengals. Maybe we would have seen another Steelers vs. Cowboys matchup in the Super Bowl. Not this year.

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