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Why I Will Never Have A Pet Dragon...

Updated on September 25, 2012

I'm Serious.

Dragons. We all know them.
Some fear them. Some love them. Some do LSD and write magical songs about them.But in the end, we can all agree...
Dragons are awesome.
Is it wrong that I want a pet dragon? I mean... There is so much stuff I could do with a pet dragon that I can't with any other pet. They're cute when they are young, can keep me warm in the winter, and yup, they can fly. How much does gas cost? Oh yeah, I don't care, I own a dragon. The only downside is that everyone who owns Skyrim would totally try to kill the little guy. Then I would have to kill them. and mind you, these aren't total strangers, these are some of my closest friends. So now, I've murdered my best friends over my pet, and I'm a wanted fugitive. I would have to flee the country, but where could I go? You've gotta think the government would notice a dragon crossing the border, and they wouldn't be pleased. Best Case Scenario is we outfly them and go live with all the other mythical creatures in the bermuda triangle, but the more likely realities are that my dragon gets kidnapped and experimented on or tortured, or they just shoot us down on sight. I don't even know if I could get him (or her, I'm not picky) onto a plane or a train. It isn't like I could put a little hat on him and pretend he's a dog. His epic freaking wings would be a dead giveaway. So we would have to stay in the United States. And where could a dragon live? Maybe Vegas. If we could just leave the country, Amsterdam would be the perfect place to have a dragon. They are so high over there that a dragon is the least of their hallucinative worries. The yeti with the chainsaw is most definitely more interesting in that moment. But Vegas is probably the next best thing. Everyone there would just assume it is some high budget trick dreamed up by Criss Angel or Hugh Hefner. Something like that. So I would probably have to get a job as a stripper or a blackjack dealer. Which would mean I would be working all night and sleeping all day, while my Dragon just aimlessly wandered the deserts of Nevada. But eventually SHE (So open minded) would get restless and start eating tourists... and probably Criss Angel. Just saying. And we would enter a classic King Kong scenario where my beloved beast gets shot down in front of everybody while I weep, frantically clutching the pinky claw of my once adorable baby dragon. So. Yeah.I think I might adopt a Pomeranian.


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    • Ryan Daniel Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ryan Smith 

      6 years ago

      Thanks Domenick!

    • profile image

      Domenick Dicce 

      6 years ago

      Great humor. Loved the pop culture tie-ins.


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