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Why I Wish They Would Clone Kurt Cobain From Nirvana

Updated on September 15, 2012


Kurt Cobain, R.I.P.
Kurt Cobain, R.I.P.

Reminiscing about the man who introduced us to grunge.

If you are Generation X, you probably listened to Nirvana on your car radio as you drove to college (or whatever else you were busy with post-1990). I was determined to be unique in my Gen-X crowd and listened to KXLU... 88.9 in LA. It played "alternative" music and was run by cool folks at Loyola Marymount University. I even drove one of the DJ's home after his radio shift from the Santa Monica station to his apartment. For the life of me, I could not remember his name-- I've always had a bad memory. But he was tall, skinny and had crazy, dark curly hair. I think he liked me, but I was smitten by an emotionally unavailable guy (story of my life) I went to college with-- let's just call him "Roy."

I remember that I took such a fancy to Nirvana-- before they became "mainstream" that I called the station and requested "Grandma take me home." The DJ kind of laughed and said, "Oh, you mean 'Sliver'..." Yeah! Whatever, just give me a fix of my favorite song....

Oh, by the way, Mr. Radio DJ set me up with a free T-shirt with the radio station's logo and I got to hang out with him and his buddies at a hip LA party. I was 19 and made the mistake of bringing "Roy" with me. I remember there were some cute guys hitting on me, but I stupidly was staring at the guy who could care less about me-- yes, "Roy."

Well, I had a crush on the singer of Nirvana, Kurt Cobain. But I was realistic that no rock star would go for a 19-year-old college student from El Camino College in Torrance. I was nobody. Studying psychology, art and journalism. I had just received 2nd Runner Up and Most Photogenic in the Miss Hawthorne Scholarship Pageant, but in my 19-year-old eyes, I didn't have a thing on women like Courtney Love. Shoot, I was actually hoping to score with River Phoenix, but I'll leave that for another article.

Now back to Kurt.

When I saw him in videos, my heart skipped a beat. I'm not one who goes for blond guys-- especially with a cleft. But dang! He was a fine-looking white guy from Seattle. I immediately had impure thoughts-- and I was a virgin at the time.

Then, I moved to Hungary for several years, met an [emotionally unavailable jerk who wore masks] that I fell head over heals for, and had a kid with. I was terribly saddened by the news that he was found dead with a shot to the head. My days of musical pleasure had become history.

Some days, I'll pull up a Nirvana song on YouTube to fit my mood. "Negative Creep" has helped soothe me on days when I otherwise would have liked to punch someone. Not a nice thing for a lady to do, so wise choice.

I became more fascinated with his story as the decades rolled by. I learned he was a sensitive kid that loved to draw. He grew up in a single parent home and lived on the street as a young man. He was intense-- his lyrics reflected his deep thoughts and emotions.

So what do I miss? Well, for one, the carefree days in college were nice, and Nirvana's music will forever bring me back to those glory days. But I think the world needs more guys like Kurt Cobain. He didn't have to be macho, successful (although he did end up that way because of his talent), or follow the masses. He had his own opinions and beliefs about the world-- and didn't care if they were different. That was so grunge of him.

Here's to you, Kurt. You are not forgotten. Your music lives on as well as your memory.


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    • ParadigmEnacted profile image


      5 years ago

      For some reason, I can't help but come across stuff about him today. There's definitely a lot of dicey stuff going on there. Much like Jimi Hendrix he understood that the times weren't quite right. Honestly though I think his worst nightmare came to fruition, because we know how much he grew to disliked his celebrity, but his status as a cultural figure seems to exceed his success as an artist.

    • wonderful1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Sheila Varga Szabo 

      5 years ago from Southern California

      I don't know what happened at the time-- I was living in Hungary when news broke of his "suicide." It hit close to home for me because of my many fond memories listening to the earliest form of grunge. The more I learn about KC, the more I feel like a mystery has been left unsolved and a legacy continues. Otherwise, why would we be so intrigued with news of his daughter, Francis Bean? Thanks for stopping by with a comment, ParadigmEnacted.

    • ParadigmEnacted profile image


      5 years ago

      Interesting perspective from somebody who grew up in the thick of all that. I have a question. Do you think KC made a greater personal impact as an artist or is more noteworthy because of timing?

    • wonderful1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Sheila Varga Szabo 

      6 years ago from Southern California

      Oh, I forgot to mention that my ex is a narcissist and doesn't care for his kids. I wouldn't even think of men from my past, present or future if I didn't divorce a guy who can't sympathize with me. Or our kids.


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