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Why Can't CNN And Other News Organizations Spell?

Updated on March 20, 2011

Illiteracy Reigns Supreme In Newsrooms Everywhere!

It is quite obvious that CNN must issue a literacy test to all of its prospective onscreen crawl and web headline writers, and hire all those who fail. They have set new (low) standards for complete kneeslappers such as War On Dugs, Michael Jackson's ex-wide, access to untelligence, Suger Bowl, and a very damaging typo that they had to extensively apologize for:Senator Barack Osama.

Journalistic standards are plummeting all over the world, so this is not a phenomenon exclusively restricted to CNN:

Queen Elizabeth has 10 times the lifespan of workers and lays up to 2,000 eggs a day - Reuters

The New York State Departmentportationion and Finance - New York Times

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Marshall McLuhan's "The Medium Is The Massage." - New York Times Magazine

Rebecca Romijnlandsinaprime-timecomedy. - Newsweek

Sentenced to 5 Years, 10 Months for Frau. - ABC News

Night To Remember For Team Titantic - New York Post

...voluntarily recall 94,400 pounds of frozen ground beef panties. - New York Times

... in a New York hospital with hepatitis C, a collapsed lung and a heart infection and suffering a collapsed lung. - E! Online

The Reverend stated "you never know what the impact of your semon is going to be." - Lockhart Post Register

Gen. Robert E. Lee was one of the great hores of American history - Lockhart Post Register

...and one that says it all...

How Low Can Press Standars Go? - Human Events Conservative Weekly

Some other famous typos include:

This contract shall be effective as of the singing of this agreement.

He used his wench to pull his truck out of the ditch.

I know judo, karate, jujitsu and other forms of marital arts.

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Our massage treatments help relive your pain.

The penis mightier than the sword.

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One of the most historically famous typos was included in 1641 when a broadly distributed Bible's Exodus 20:14 stated "thou shalt commit adultery."

The most carefully crafted and insightful article can be blown apart by just one of these typos so it would certainly behoove the writer to go through their copy with a fine toothed comb prior to releasing it as you don't want to be marked as one of the thousands of web illiterates who gunk up the internet with their massacres of the English language, such as About.com's Heinz Tschabitscher, a fully paid Official Guide who has had to undergo a complete training regimen:

Since Outlook Express has just lost even the rest memory of which mail it has already seen, expect all mail still on the server to be retrieve the next time you click Send/Recv.

When you realize About.com is part of the august New York Times organization, you really do wonder if the About.com training should include an English as a Second Language course. As a writer, you certainly don't want to be on the receiving end of the abuse which is legitimately reserved for the originators of these crackups so check your copy!

If you really want to witness the ultimate in modern typo-ology, Monday night has to be Jay Leno night since he always has some fantastic typos from clippings his viewers send in on his Headlines segment:

Revolutionary Teet Alignment Process

1993 Pontiac Bonerville

The Needle In The Gay Stack

Lovely Home at 10741 Pig Turd Alley

Carpet Tunnel Syndrome

Privates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Dogs & Cats On Menu At Shelter Adoption Luau

Wolf To Speak To Sheep Producers At Banquet

Church Festival Of Scared Music

Global Worming Threatens Yukon

Geek Orthodox Church

Kraft Barfaque Sauce

Fried Rice (Rice is not included)

Dr. Joel Kaplan's Penis Pumps: Gain 103 Inches

Boneless, Skinless Amish Breasts

Women's Whine & Cheese Party

Ingeanerd & Archtaet Blueprint

Autumn: Chilly Hummers & Noisy Peckers

22 NFL Quarterbacks Have Felt His Sack

The following aren't typos at all, but they certainly deserve honorable mention. These are from the jaw-dropping and all-too real wedding announcement clippings featuring the surnames of the happy couple that Jay Leno holds up to the camera. They are absolutely classic:

Traylor-Hooker

Beaver-Wetter

Wang-Holder

Pecker-Paradis

Lusty-Johnson

Small-Husband

Strange-Slappey

Rather-Grim

Sharp-Payne

Busch-Rash

Best-Lay

Crapp-Beer

Outhouse-Burns

Looney-Warde

Coke-Head

Maus-Krapp

Duer-Early

Poore-Sapp

Widener-Moore

Large-Tinkey

Hole-Drilling

Tune-Narup

DeMoney-Hyder

Fite-Stabb

Brest-Mash

Pickel-Ryder

DeVine-Ho

Gross-Pantti

On that note, beedeah, beedeah, That's All Folks!

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    • Stacie Naczelnik profile image

      Stacie Naczelnik 

      11 years ago from Seattle

      Amusing, in a sad way. Of course, I'm considered the grammar police in my family.

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