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Witty Television Series Quotes

Updated on April 27, 2010

Gill Grissom


What we are never changes, but who we are never stops changing

By the way, the definition of "retard" is "to hinder" or "to hold back". I think your life is about to become "retarded".

I don't trust people, they tend to lie. Evidence nevers lies.

Anybody who is great at anything, does it for their own approval.

Grisssom to Sara: 'Do you believe theres intelligent life on other planets?
Sara: I'm not even sure theres intelligent life on this one'

I believe in God, in science, in Sunday supper. I do not believe in rules that tell me how I should live.

Men are never as mysterious as women wish they were

Samuel Johnson once said, "Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble."

(Looking at the body of a woman who fell down the stairs)
Catherine: What are you thinking?
Grissom: Led Zepplin. Stairway To Heaven.

Gregory House


“Like I always say, there's no "I" in team. There's a "me" though, if you jumble it up.”

“You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.”

Quotes on Lies by Dr. Greg House

* "Everybody lies." First said:later this is referred to in almost every episode and also has the following corollaries:
o "I don't ask why patients lie, I just assume they all do." 
o "It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what." 
* "Truth begins in lies." 
* "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask."
* "You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat." 

Sayings about the World, Reality, People

* " the philosopher Jagger once said, 'You can't always get what you want.'" This is backed up with the song by the Rolling Stones which plays at the end of the pilot and the first season finale.
* "Humanity is overrated." 
* "Reality is almost always wrong."
* "We all make mistakes, and we all pay a price."
* "...there's no I in 'team'. There is a me, though, if you jumble it up."
*"Everybody does stupid things, it shouldn't cost them everything they want in life."
* "People like talking about people. Makes us feel superior. Makes us feel in control. And sometimes, for some people, knowing some things makes them care."
* "Men are pigs. [They will] pretty much have sex with anyone, fat, skinny, married, single, complete strangers, relatives." 
* "It's one of the great tragedies of life — something always changes." 
* "I was never that great at math, but next to nothing is higher than nothing, right?"

Jason Gideon


Einstein once said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."

I am unhappy. I'm tired of people using religion... to justify the terrible things they do.

"No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips. Betrayal oozes out of him at every pore," Sigmund Freud.

The author, Francois de La Rochefoucauld said, "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves."

Carl Jung said, "The healthy man does not torture others. Generally, it is the tortured who turn into torturers."

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth." - Oscar Wilde


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