ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Women: Top Ten Signs You Are Old

Updated on January 5, 2016


You've heard that old saying "you're only as old as you feel." And you've never felt old. In fact, you've always felt like a girl – maybe a working girl or a party girl or a girly girl, or even just the girl next door. But as the years creep up on you and the birthdays keep accumulating, you've started to get a nagging feeling in the back of your mind that maybe you're not so young any more. Sure, there are the usual signs of getting older – the wrinkles around your eyes, the hefty balance in your 401(K) account, being called "ma'am" by the bagger at the grocery store – but how do you know for sure when you are old? How do you tell when you finally cross that line between sweet young thing and woman of a certain age? Here are the top ten signs you officially are old.


1. The discussion at Girls' Night Out is dominated by menopause symptoms.

It's always been anything goes when the girls get together for drinks after work. Nothing is off limits, whether it's dishing about your love life or playing a rousing game of "do, date or ditch." But lately you've noticed the discussion has gone from raunchy to, well, just plain gross. Instead of gossiping about that hot new guy in Marketing you're talking about ... night sweats? Yes, when you find yourself comparing notes with your BFFs about hot flashes, fatigue, and Aunt Flo's increasingly erratic visits, you know you're old.


You know you're old when it takes more than one person to light the candles on your birthday cake.
You know you're old when it takes more than one person to light the candles on your birthday cake.

2. Those in positions of authority and trust are young enough to be your children.

There are certain people in positions of authority and trust to whom you always looked up, like your doctor or pastor or the quarterback of your favorite football team. But, is it just you, or have those people started to look younger and younger? Then one day it hits you, that nice gynecologist conducting your cervical exam was still toddling around in diapers while you were sneaking into bars at college. And that cute state trooper you're flirting with to try to get out of a speeding ticket tells you you remind him of his mother. Honey, make no mistake about it, you are O-L-D.


3. Hair today, gone tomorrow.

It started out with a single white hair sticking out of the top of your head. So you did what any self-respecting girl would do and pulled it. And then another appeared. So you pulled that one, too. Then another, and another. Now you're to the point where you can't keep up with all the white hair on your head and, besides, if you pulled them all out you wouldn't have much hair left. So you've turned your attention to more pressing matters – all those weird, wiry hairs that keep showing up on other parts of your body – your chin, your chest, your neck. You've even made a pact with your closest friend that if anything ever happens to you and you become incapacitated, she'll bring a tweezers to the care center to pluck all those errant hairs for you. Yes, you guessed it, you're old.


4. The clothes at Chicos are starting to look cute.

Let's face it, ladies. There are certain stores where your mom shops that you normally wouldn't be caught dead in, unless shopping for or with your mom. You know the type – the ones with the Mexican folk-artsy prints and long, flowing tunics like Bea Arthur wore on "Maude" (and if you remember what Bea Arthur wore on "Maude" that's another good sign you're old). But maybe the last time you were at the mall with your mom that zebra-striped jacket in wrinkle-free fabric she was admiring at Chicos actually looked kind of cute to you. You're clearly getting old. And when you finally break down and purchase your first crochet cardigan with a monkey appliqué (or any sort of appliqué, really), that's when you can be certain you've entered little old lady-hood.


5. You no longer see the point of high heels.

Remember back in the day when you got dressed up to go out? When you slid on your sexiest pair of stilettos you felt hot, hot, hot. Now the feeling is more like ouch, ouch, ouch, and that's if you even can manage to get them on over your bunions and heel spurs. When you do wear heels, you skip the Jimmy Choos in favor of brands like Easy Stride or Naturalizer. Even then, you can't wait to get home and put on a pair of Tevas or, better yet, your fuzzy slippers. When you select footwear based on comfort and not style, that's a pretty good sign you are old.


6. You no longer see, period.

Has this ever happened to you? You're having a romantic dinner with your honey at an elegant, dimly lit restaurant. The waiter hands you a menu and you can't read a word on it. And, damn, you forgot your reading glasses. You're too embarrassed to admit you can't see a thing without your glasses so when the waiter returns to take your order, you wing it and point to any old random thing. The waiter raises his eyebrows ever so slightly. "Interesting choice, Madame," he says. And you understand why when he brings your food. It seems you have ordered the tripe. Yum. If this has happened to you, you most definitely are old.


7. When you adjust the volume, it's to the left.

Of course, the eyes aren't the only thing to go in old age. Remember cranking the music and singing along with Madonna, Michael, and Whitney to all your favorite songs? Who knew the volume dial even turned to the left? But now when the music is blasting you can't hear a word anyone is saying. In order to avoid repeating "what?" every time someone speaks, you simply turn down the volume. Guess what? Yep, you're old.


8. You don't recognize anyone in People magazine.

You're at the doctor's office nervously waiting for your first colonoscopy (ding, ding, ding; you're old). You pick up a copy of People magazine and start flipping through it. You don't recognize any of the kids in it. You most likely are old. You actually think to yourself, "I don't recognize any of these kids." You are old.


9. You don't hesitate to leave the house without makeup.

There was a time when you would never consider running errands without looking your best. A cute outfit, makeup, and styled hair was de rigueur for any trip out into the public. But now? Suppose you're out weeding the garden. (Let's stop right there. You have a garden? That itself is suspect.) Suddenly you remember you're supposed to bring a snack to Bunco night at the neighbor's. (Bunco? Oh, honey.) So you brush off most of the dirt from your old work jeans, tie your greasy hair back into a ponytail, and head on out to the store, not caring who you might run into. I'm so sorry, dear. You're old.


10. Sexy negligee? What sexy negligee?

Remember your bachelorette party when your friends gave you all those silky, sexy negligees? Where are those impractical things now? You're certainly not wearing them to bed anymore. They've long since been replaced by cotton t-shirts and pajama bottoms (or flannel pajamas, depending on the season). And you're now looking into getting some of those wicking pajamas your friends have been telling you about so you don't have to get up and change three times during night (see item 1 above). Yes, there's no doubt about it. You're old.


No matter how old I am, I'll always be an American girl.

So what's the verdict?

Are you old?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, Crafty. I don't own crocs, but I have about 4 pairs of Tevas. : )

    • CraftytotheCore profile image

      CraftytotheCore 4 years ago

      Very funny! Thanks for the great laugh. I have given up my stilettos and replaced them with crocs. They look ugly but they feel so good on my tired feet. LOL

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks for reading again, Martie.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, onegreenparachute. Glad I helped you get a laugh. : )

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Effer, thanks for stopping by again. I'm glad I could make you laugh out loud. I hope you are doing well.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks for the birthday wishes, Jeannie. And for reading and commenting.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 years ago from South Africa

      I've read this one again, Deborah, and still thinks it is an awesome hub. Top 10 signs you are old - very well-stressed :)

    • onegreenparachute profile image

      Carol 4 years ago from Greenwood, B.C., Canada

      Oh good grief!! I actually checked to see if I'd commented on this hub after reading the above answer from fpherj48! I'm beyond old. But I did laugh out loud and I do thank you - I needed a good laugh after glancing in the mirror this morning. :-}

      Voted up and shared!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      HUH???!!! ROFLMAO!!! I read this a year ago....and commented, as well??! OMG. This is very scary.....because, as far as I'm concerned, this is a BRAND NEW HUB. (gulp)

      Deborah....I positively LOVE this hub. It's genius. I haven't laughed out loud in many weeks.....and I sincerely THANK YOU for this "picker-upper!" Oh..btw.....another wonderful (?) thing about getting OLD? You don't give a single damn, that you just admitted to being daffy and an old fool.......you just laugh your ass off. Personally, I'm lovin it!!...............This made my day.....and obviously will again, next year!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      I heard a rumor it is your birthday this weekend. Hope you have a very happy birthday... don't let it make you feel old... you totally aren't!!!!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks for commenting, Midget, Mary and Vellur. You're not old if you don't think you are!

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 4 years ago from Dubai

      I never feel old though I am running on 43. You feel young when you think you are young - young in spirit!! So technically I think I am not old!! Great hub, enjoyed reading and voted up.

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      Oh, dear, I have aged two months since the first time I read this Hub. I needed to read it again just to remind myself that I am getting older. I saw in one of your comments something about you are in your late 40's. I'll never see 4o again, or 50, or 60, or .....I'm not saying anymore!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      True Deb, coming in to say that I'm watching for these signs now. ;) Thanks for sharing, and I'm passing this on.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Oh my gosh, Stella. Twenties? Not even close to old. I am 47 and I'm still not old. : )

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Never admit it, time2rite! Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      You have many years to go, Amber. Thanks for the comment!

    • StellaSee profile image

      StellaSee 4 years ago from California

      My friends and I keep on saying how old we are, now that we're in our twenties and some of our acquaintances have started families..I think I will stop that now. I'm still young yay! Thanks for the laughs, Deborah :)

    • time2rite profile image

      time2rite 4 years ago from Navarre, Fl, USA

      Hahaha, Deborahneyens, I'm still laughing!! I should probably say I'm getting old, but you'll have to try and pry it out of me ;-) love this hub, Girl!

    • profile image

      alwaysamber 4 years ago

      I loved this! It definitely had me laughing and gives me something to look forward to -LOL!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, Mike and Vicki, for reading and commenting. Glad I was able to make you laugh. : )

    • Mike Robbers profile image

      Mike Robbers 4 years ago from London

      wow Deborah this hub is fabulously hilarious and so true! strange that I'm reading it for the first time

      Voted up and across and thanks for the laugh :)

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      Funny hub. I can't relate to all of them, so I guess I'm not totally OLD yet. haha. Enjoyed this hub--many votes!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks for the comments, ladies. I'm glad I was able to make you laugh, but hope I didn't make you feel too old.

      Justateacher, what a hoot! Yes, that's it. I'm 20! : )

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 4 years ago from Germany

      Very funny hub but so true. I can relate some of the symptoms of being old, like a must have reading glasses wherever I go. I´m definitely old with my 52 years but I don´t feel like I am old. I still go out with a light makeup when I go out of the house but I´m not fond of high heels. Thanks for sharing this hub. I enjoyed reading it.

    • Jennifer Stone profile image

      Jennifer Stone 4 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      LOL great hub! I'm happy to say I'm only halfway there.. well maybe more than half but I'm not menopausal yet! :-) Voted up and all sorts, Jen

    • justateacher profile image

      LaDena Campbell 4 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      I can't believe how many of these signs fit me...I am so sad...the last time I was stopped by a policeman for speeding, the young, young (I swear he was ten!) police officer told me that I reminded him of his mom so I needed to slow down and be more careful...it wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't have gotten the speeding ticket...

      My students - who are first graders made me feel really good the other day - one of our words was "old" - the students used this sentence to illustrate their knowledge of the world "Our teacher is OLLLLDDDD!" Then I asked them how old they thought I was....one little boy said "You're really old....you must be at least 20!" I gave him a hug....

      Voted up and across...this made me laugh!

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      I really enjoyed reading this hub. I love wearing my stilettos. I have worn them to dinner parties and other events without a problem. It never fails, on the day that you decide to throw your hair back in a ponytail and no makeup, you run into everyone that you know.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Thank you all for reading and commenting. Growing older is so much better than the alternative, don't you think? : )

    • janshares profile image

      Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

      Since I only got a 3 out of 10, I will say no, but I'm getting there. Very funny hub, thanks for letting me laugh at myself.

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

      This was just as funny the second time around (and I'm even older now!)

      Voted Up+++

      Jaye

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      This is great for a laugh! Yep...it's on the horizon for all of us although I hope not to give in to all these signs of old age. The Amazon capsule really cracks me up. Thanks so much!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 4 years ago from Virginia

      Good stuff, as Bill said, some of these apply both ways. Voted up and shared!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      Yes, I'm older than dirt! I have earned every wrinkle in my face. I had a sharp mind until I raised kids and grandkids. I can relate to all of your signs: my children don't want to drive at night (can't imagine why), I haven't worn heels in years, and I sure don't recognize those people in People magazine.

      Voted this UP, etc.

    • lrc7815 profile image

      Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

      Well written and a great hub. I'm right there are darn proud to have made it there. :-)

    • profile image

      Justsilvie 4 years ago

      Funny and so true!

      Voted Up and Shared!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks for your comments, Becky, Martie, dreamseeker, and Keith. Glad you enjoyed it! Keith, I apologize in advance if your mom slaps you silly. : )

    • profile image

      KDuBarry03 4 years ago

      If I show this to my mom, she'd probably slap me silly LOL. Very funny, Deb! I think my mom may agree with at least seven of these symptoms...

      Voted up and sharing :)

    • profile image

      dreamseeker2 4 years ago

      I have to admit, this one made me laugh. I could relate to a lot of the reasoning behind it. ; ) A great read and full of good humor. Voted up, awesome and interesting. Thanks for the share!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 years ago from South Africa

      OMGosh, what a lovely humorous hub, explaining the ten symptoms of old-age.

      I am ROFLMAO!

      Oh, of have most of the symptoms, but I still FEEL young... :))

      Thumbs up, Deb!

    • Rfordin profile image

      Rfordin 4 years ago from Florida

      Very entertaining although I must say my obsession with high heels stopped at age 20ish or so.... as a Floridian I've taken my shoe obsession over to flip flops :). Very cute hub....

      ~Becky

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Nope, you're not old, Sharkye. Flower gardens don't count (only vegetable gardens) and it's only when you can't read the close up stuff that eyesight is a concern. There, aren't you relieved? : )

    • Sharkye11 profile image

      Jayme Kinsey 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Oh no! I'm newly thirty and I am so guilty of some of these. I don't know who is on television. I've bought shoes for comfort since I was sixteen. Always been nearsighted...at twenty-five I wore my contacts no matter what. Now I wear my glasses because they are easier. I've never even owned a negligee! I won't mention my flower garden...

      This hub was fun to read! Voting up for other people who didn't know they were getting older!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      No worries, Rochelle. It's completely unscientific. I'm sure you're not old. Thanks for stopping by.: )

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 5 years ago from California Gold Country

      Well-- thanks a lot for all that. I never thought I was old until scoring between 7 and 9 yesses on your completely unscientific quiz. (It was unscientific, wasn't it?)

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Laughing is far better than crying. Thanks, Patricia!

    • 2patricias profile image

      2patricias 5 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

      This made me laugh and wince at the same time. I am now going to put on some makeup before anybody comes to the door, or I feel tempted to leave the house with all my wrinkles showing.

      (well, what can you do but laugh).

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Never admit you're old, Shasta! But at least I could make you laugh about it. Thanks for stopping by.

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 5 years ago from USA

      Oh my gosh, I am so old! I would be mad at you for breaking this news to me, but I am too busy laughing.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, Natural World. It seems like lots of people can relate to this one. Glad you enjoyed it.

    • Natural World profile image

      Natural World 5 years ago from Oklahoma 2012

      This was cute and probably anyone nearing 50 years old can relate. Thanks for the laughs.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks for stopping back, Jools.

      SilverGenes, there are a few perks. That's a good way to look at it! Thanks for the comment.

    • profile image

      SilverGenes 5 years ago

      I knew there had to be perks somewhere in this getting old business! And if one views flat shoes and being comfortable going grocery shopping after gardening as a perk, well what more needs to be said??? Loved this!

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 5 years ago from North-East UK

      Deb, this hub still tickles me even though I was the first commenter and not then 49 :o(....still laughing though!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, midget. I've never really been able to deal with high heels. And I get no sympathy from my husband when I have sore feet at the end of the day. So I'm only too happy to give them up for old age.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Happy Birthday, Kelley! Isn't it the truth? I think I'm better off not knowing or caring that Kristen cheated on Rob and other nonsense. : )

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, Linda and Daisy for coming back for a second look.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Loved it, Bob, and shared it with my followers. With your permission, I will link to it from this hub for the male perspective on growing old.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 5 years ago from Singapore

      Very funny, Deborah! And so very true, the older you are, the less you've to do with make up, and definitely the high heels! I'm already feeling it now! My turn for the white hair! Thanks for sharing this hub!

    • profile image

      kelleyward 5 years ago

      Very cute and funny hub. I just turned 38 yesterday and feel many of the things you listed. It's not so bad though I like not knowing everyone in people magazine and never wearing high heels again! Thanks for the laugh! Kelley

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 5 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      Deb,

      I came back to read your article a second time. There is a lot of humor in truth. Great Hub!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Just as fabulously funny as the first time I read it!! :)

    • Civil War Bob profile image

      Civil War Bob 5 years ago from Glenside, Pennsylvania

      Deb...here it is! Another HubPages offering of mine...

      "Growing Old Is Mandatory, Growing Up Is Not!!"

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Absolutely, Bob. Let me know when you've published your hub. I don't want to miss it! Thanks for stopping by.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, truthfonow. Now that you know the signs, you should avoid them for as long as possible! : )

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Lisa, it is quite the scam they have going, isn't it? It's just like at Target where they card everybody who buys alcohol, regardless of age. I used to be flatter; now it's just annoying because I have to fish my ID out of my purse. Thanks for the comment.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Wayne, I love it! Thanks for the comment.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, MsLizzy, for the comment, votes, and share. And, no worries, your secret is safe with me! : )

    • Civil War Bob profile image

      Civil War Bob 5 years ago from Glenside, Pennsylvania

      Good hub, Deb...voted up, funny, interesting. May I mention your hub in one that's now percolating in my brain for my gender? Have a great day!

    • truthfornow profile image

      truthfornow 5 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Very funny hub. I will be sure to stay away from all of these things.

    • Lisa HW profile image

      Lisa HW 5 years ago from Massachusetts

      According to Number 2 I'm old, and according to part of Number 6 I'm apparently old (the reading part - not the being called "Madame" part. For some reason, I'm still called "Miss" in a lot of places. (I think where I live , maybe, management tells store people to call all women "Miss" - but I'm not above pretending otherwise. :/ ) My verdict would be, I guess, that I'm perilously close to crossing the "old" line, but I'm apparently still on this side of it. :) I just turned 60, so that's not too bad. As for being called "miss", don't think I don't hang onto every last instance of that when it happens. (If I'm correct about store management instructing clerks to call all women "miss", I have to hand it to 'em. They really know how to win a "girl" over. :) )

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

      I see this one is very much written from the ladies' perspective. One thing I know for sure that is a register of age in men...If you know where a guy can buy a pair of those beige Dr. Sckolls shoes and also the place where you can buy the powder blue jumpsuits with the little built in waistbelt that attached with a gold clasp in the front....you're gettin' there! LOL! WB

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 5 years ago from Oakley, CA

      Oh, My Gosh!! The horror, the sheer horror of it! I have just read every single description, and realized that yes, I'm OLD.

      What's worse, is the realization that I've been OLD ever since I was in high school! :-O

      I've never worn makeup, put curlers in my hair, or had long hair for more than a couple of years: all too high-maintenance for me...I can't be bothered with all of that.

      As for clothing choices, it's always been about comfort, first, last and in the middle, and fashions be damned! I don't like high heels--they hurt my feet, and I twist my ankles. Thanks, but I'll stick to my sneakers or my slippers.

      Sexy negligees? Ok for the honeymoon, but I call them "15-second clothes," since that's about as long as you're going to be wearing them! ;-) I'd rather have comfortable pajamas, or t-shirts and sweats any day.

      Great, funny hub. Voted up, funny, and shared, from one old lady to any others out there....

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks so much, hecate-horus. Laughing about it is better than crying, right? Thanks for the comment and votes.

    • hecate-horus profile image

      hecate-horus 5 years ago from Rowland Woods

      Yep, I'm getting old...but at least I can laugh about it! Loved this hub! Voted up and USEFUL (for people in denial!)

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Ahh, yes, polyester stretch pants. Another sure sign you're old. But I'm with you, moonlake. I'm never giving up my jeans. Or my long hair! Thanks for the comment.

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 5 years ago from America

      From the comments on here everyone relates to getting old. I'm old but for the life of me I can't get out of my jeans as old as I am I have to wear jeans. My Mom never wore a pair of jeans in her life, she's 90. I keep wondering when should I stop wearing jeans. Do I have to wear those polyester stretch pants with the matching tops in all those pastel color. My other question to myself, do I have to cut my hair? I go to my sewing class and I look around at all the ladies and they all look the same with same short hair cut. When did women stop having long hair? My grandmother’s hair was down to her waist when she died. Enjoyed reading your hub all of applies to me.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, shalini and unknown spy. Glad I was able to give you a laugh! Appreciate the comments.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Annie, thanks for the comment and the share. Yeah, remember when you could keep up with the gray hairs by simply pulling them out. Oh, how young and foolish we were. : ) Have a great day (or night) there in Australia.

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 5 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      Hahahaha!! I love it! Thanks for the laugh!

    • shalini sharan profile image

      shalini sharan 5 years ago from Delhi

      this was so hilarious, i actually needed a laugh, thank you

    • Fennelseed profile image

      Annie Fenn 5 years ago from Australia

      Oh, yes unfortunately I relate to every one of these without exception. I like the idea of having a pact with a friend to bring along tweezers should ever I be incapacitated, I have wondered how I would get around that one - thumbs up for a great idea!!! I hate being caught without my specs and having to admit that I can't read - I have four pairs just in case!! If I had of read this 5 or 6 years ago I would have thought it was a whole lot of bunkum!! That was back in the days when I was still pulling individual grey hairs out of my head!! These 10 elements of aging seem to have descended on me so quickly! BUT - I can still laugh, thank you for putting the humour into aging. To be honest it isn't that bad, I hated getting around in high heels anyway. My votes and best wishes to you Deborah and sharing.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      LOL, Letitia. Sorry, didn't mean to make you feel old. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • LetitiaFT profile image

      LetitiaFT 5 years ago from Paris via California

      Eee gads. What a checklist, I might as well check them all. Err. What I meant to say is I'll never tell...

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Oh my gosh, RealHousewife, please clean yourself up before you got to Walmart! And stay out of the Chicos! Hahaha. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      This was fun:). I'm getting ready to hop in the shower - and was thinking I should just forget it and go! It's walmart! Haha

      I tell you - women get stuck with all the fun stuff! Oh well I'd still rather be a gal:) there's hooe for me yet - I have a Chico's very near me and I still never go in:) hahaha

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 5 years ago from Peru, South America

      It was just a figure of speech. I actually thought you were writing about me! : )

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, vespawoolf. But who said I was talking about myself? ; )

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 5 years ago from Peru, South America

      This is hilarious! It's good to be able to poke fun at ourselves...it eases the pain. : ) Voted up, awesome and funny!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, Tammy! Glad you enjoyed it.

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      This is funny, true, and adorable as can be. I am in my late 30's and starting to have these moments. I am turning to sweat pants and comfortable shoes.. and I don't dress up or put on make up to go to Walmart. Oh no! This was very clever and lots of fun.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      You are so right about the young-looking newscasters, DanaTeresa! Thanks for the comment.

    • DanaTeresa profile image

      Dana Strang 5 years ago from Ohio

      This is hilarious! I am far from old and I can still relate to many of these. It totally freaked me out one day when I started to notce that the newscasters look young. And heels? I can still pull them off on occasion, but it gets tougher every day!... Great hub!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, onlooker. Just keep thinking young and you won't have to worry about old age it for many, many years.

    • profile image

      onlooker 5 years ago

      It is inevitable that I too shall have my day, no mistaking that. I hope it will be graceful or at least in my head, lol. Thank you, surely this hub shall remind me someday. Good day!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      I'm sure you're not old, Ms. Dora. Sorry if my hub made you feel that way. : ) Thanks for reading and commenting!

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 5 years ago from The Caribbean

      Great hub! By point number two, I began to feel old; by point number six, I knew I was. The others just nailed it. Funny too!

    • nybride710 profile image

      Lisa Kroulik 5 years ago from Minnesota

      My 25th was last year, but I haven't been to any but my 5th. I still see my best friend from high school a few times a week.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image
      Author

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      Thanks, nybride. It's crazy how fast the years go by. I'll be coming up on my 30 year high school reunion soon. Where has the time gone?

    • nybride710 profile image

      Lisa Kroulik 5 years ago from Minnesota

      Very funny, and a lot are just plain true! I just turned 44 a few days ago, even though it seems like I just got out of high school. I even wrote what I hoped was a humorous hub about the trauma of turning 40. I supposed as I push 50, I will long to feel so young again!