Which TV Shows Grind Your Gears?
Where ego meets pride - meet Dave Hester
"Yuuuuup" and other utterances deserving of the death penalty
Is Storage Wars' Dave Hester the Most Horrible Reality TV Personality? (hint; yes - yes he is).
"Uh, Alex; What is one of the more irritating sayings on "reality" television for $400?"
"Uhm, what is, Yuuup, Alex?"
"No, Sorry dumbass - there's 5 'u's' in yuuuuup".
So, who is Dave Hester, and why is he deserving of being called "The Most Vile Reality TV Personality"?... Don't forget that Snooki from Jersey Shore, all of the "Housewives" - including "Mob Wives",
"Yes, you're right and you're the new winner of Asshole Jeopardy!"
There are at least a few people on TV that everyone just wants to crawl through the TV and pummel, just turn their faces into hamburger meat. There are also some utterances that make your blood boil.But every now and then, a TV character comes along who embodies all the worst of TV, of greed, of stupidity, and even of humanity. "Storage Wars" own Dave Hester is just one of those rare phenomena that makes hate-TV all the more enjoyable!
Dave, the Storage Wars bully who outbids people just to make them bid higher, then gets caught with the worst possible lockers in doing so, decided to try and sue the host TV series "Storage Wars", its producers and the carrier channel "A&E" because, he claimed in his lawsuit, that they were colluding and placing good items inside of the lockers that everyone but him were buying. Yes, that's right - the bully tried to bully the show that was paying him to do his everyday job.
The problems really started when Darryl and his son found over a million dollars worth of art in one locker that Dave "let him buy" and stopped bidding on, saying "dump that worthless locker on that loser"... and that was the same season that Dave did the same thing, to the same person, and that locker yielded Darryl over $250,000 worth of collectible comics and toys! The two-time loser blamed the network and the producers for letting him let Darryl outbid him, and he was looking for over $10 Million! WTF??? Well, he settled for them allowing him to come back on the show, at 1/2 of his previous salary!
How do you spell loser" -D-a-v-e-H-e-s-t-e-r-...
If you, like many people these days, like to watch TV just for the bad personalities, like everyone who watches "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" (on my spell checker, "Kardashians" is suggested to be traded with "Guardianship"... WTF is that all about??? -- true, try it if you use Word 2010!) or "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" or "My Gypsy Wedding", there is a real King of Hatred TV... the one and only Dave Hester of "Storage Wars" fame. Yes, the only show on TV where a bunch of people come by just to watch a bunch of mean-spirited dolts bid against one another for other people's garbage, and maybe once in a while find a treasure trove from a deceased or insolvent collector.
When the storage locker buyer, he of the annoying "Yuuup" and the mean little piggy demeanor befouls his polluted air with that lame-duck phrase (which he had painted on his new 5-ton truck, his store, website and clothing line! All massive failures financially) just as the hammer is about to be laid down on a previous bid, you know that it was done on purpose. All other bidders make their bids in timely manners, but Hester has to wait for the last possible second to squeal his "Yuuup" out and watch as everyone cringes. He even thinks they cringe because they fear his prowess! It's his piggy smell they fear...
Let's take a look at some of Dave Hester's other actual squeals on the show, "Storage Wars"...
1) "Everything I touch turns to gold". Must hurt when he pees, but rest assured it is only him that is afflicted. He made the least of all the buyers in the seasons he was allowed to be in the show!
2) "The young guns come and go, I will always be the best". Really? The best what, Dave? He has nothing but bad to say for others who attend the garbage sales, and he sure does miss out on a lot of good paying lockers. Like, all of them. Yup - thus the lawsuit he filed!
3) "I'd rather die than let you make a profit". Oh, please keep your word! He said this to Darryl, just weeks before he "let" Darryl outbid him for that million-dollar art locker!
4) "I don't want that locker, but I'm going to make whoever wants it pay a lot more than what it's worth." He usually ends up stuck with these lockers, which is the only time that his presence on the show is good for the fans and other buyers. See "the million dollar art locker"... Dave "dropped" that $1.5 million treasure trove of art on Darryl with this bomb.
5) "I don't know why they even try". Conceit is very similar to diarrhea of the mouth, and Dave needs a few Costco-sized Pepto bottles! Besides, the pink suits his piggy little self.
Make your child shake their booty for your own ego?
Toddlers Shaking Their Tiarras
Is there anything worse than "yuuup!" on TV?
Other than the ingratiating and conceited Dave Hester on "Storage Wars", there is a group of people on another reality TV show that deserve to be hung, eviscerated, given a Bolivian necktie, then tarred and feathered. This is where the mothers and, seldomly, the fathers of the little girls on "Toddlers and Tiaras" come in to the picture. Aside from pedophiles, these people are the lowest of the low.
Many of the parents on Toddlers and Tiaras are, well, full-figured (if full is a water barrel, overflowing with human flesh) and self-consciousness is non existent. The fathers generally are either out of the picture or out of their bloody minds.
These people dress their babies, their 2-8 year old babies, up as street hookers, complete with the appropriate dress and makeup, as well as the sultry eyes, blown kisses and wiggling bottoms. Kisses are blown to the judges while winking. And, the parents are egging them on from the crowd, which consists solely of parents and other family members of entrants.
Now, one episode showed a 24-yr. old former beauty queen, competing against the 1-8 yr old crowd. She won all of the major categories, and in her acceptance speech, told those who didn't win that they shouldn't cry, they should just try and practice harder. Practice what, bimbo? Competing against toddlers so that you might have a chance at the talent and swimsuit portions?
The people who put these shows on and the TV stations that broadcast this show should be charged with promoting kiddie porn! And Dave Hester should be right there with them, his failed lawsuits in hand...
Are there any shows that just grind your gears? Any utterances that make you want to jump through your TV to kill them, let me know through a comment for an upcoming post!
The Utlimate Reality TV Prize
The Runners Up?
Some other "reality TV" shows that are just either ingratiating or cause bile to build up in your throat include;
* Storage Wars, Texas. Really? It's more fun because it's in Texas? Maybe if they had gunfights to decide winners, it could be a winner.
* Storage Wars, Texas. Man sized version of Storage Wars, with pretty much the same characters.
* Hogs Gone Wild. Here Dave, Daviddy Dave Dave. Here Dave.... Bang!
* My Favorite Addiction. Really? Here we see people who sleep with sheep (plural, and yes, for that reason), snort baby powder or moth balls (she did admit getting their little legs apart is a challenge...) and other people who obviously will do anything, and I do mean anything, to get on TV.
* Drug Wars; Laredo, Texas. What's up with Texas?
* Shipping Wars. Really? Up next; Blogger Wars!
* Dog the Bounty Hunter. Aww, Dawg! Ya caught a skipper!
* Jersey Shore. If ever there was a reason to legalize mass murder...
* Big Brother, Survival, Amazing Race and all other prime-time reality TV shows. Okay, some shows are worth watching once in a while, if only to skip commercials on other shows with,
Really, what's wrong with people these days?
Did I miss your favorite, or the one show/person who makes you want to kill?
Leave your suggestions as comments and they will be included in future posts!
© 2012 Marc Babineau