You Know That Your Theater is in Big Trouble When . . .
Movie Theater Plaza Theater in Atlanta serves popcorn with nutritional feast for vegan visitors.
Man, What a
time we had back when we were first introduced to the drive-in theater. I can see it in my memories and even remember the smells of freshly-popped popcorn, coffee, hamburgers, hotdogs, it almost drives me nuts, near nirvana, when I dwell on this perfect time in our lives.
The economy was booming, bursting at the seams, and America was great. Kids back in my time respected their elders (pretty much), stayed in school, and went to college then to teaching, research, military positions and some chose to get a job on the assembly line up North in the auto plants and have families.
The weekend was special back in my day. We all looked forward to Friday evenings, quick dinners, a quick bath, grabbing the car keys and heading to either our walk-in cinemas or drive-in theaters. Either one gave us a great night with lots of fun and memories to talk about in years to come.
Before Moving Forward
let's look at both venues, the walk-in cinema and drive-in movie theater.
Walk-in Cinema Pros:
- Protection from the rain, cold, and hot summer nights.
- Easy access to the bathroom facilities.
- Seats in a walk-in sat so well that a lot of us fell asleep if the film was boring or our date was not responding, or both.
- No having to negotiate small hills with your car whereas in a drive-in, you had to find a good place on an elevated place to get near a speaker pole.
Drive-in Theater Pros:
- More seclusion if you were with a hot, pretty cheerleader or majorette.
- You could literally disrobe in your car or truck without anyone calling the cops.
- You could smoke all of the cigarettes that you wanted. Not so in a walk-in cinema.
- You could talk as loudly as you wanted to anyone you wanted as long as their driver's side window was rolled down.
- It was a bit more sexier for us to be ladies men at a drive-in than a walk-in cinema.
Do you prefer a cinema walk-in or drive-in theater?
do not have a preference of which of the two I prefer--the walk-in's or drive-in's. If pressed, I would say the drive-in, Ford Drive-in, located on highway 278 east, Hamilton, Ala., to be exact, because it was here that guys (our age) learned the taboo's of life, secrets about girls, and how to smoke cigarettes. What a great time to be alive. Note: I was more intrigued by the secrets about girls than learning how to smoke. Writer's note: this paragraph was the truth. Kenneth.
Last week I was dwelling on both the walk-in and drive-in theaters for some mysterious reason, and I had this idea surface: You Know That Your Theater is in Big Trouble When . . .
- On opening night (big premiere) of the nation's most-advertised film, audiences are having arm wrestling matches in your viewing area.
- Audiences are having inside yard sales in the aisles of your theater viewing area.
- People find it easier to grab a long nap in your theater than to nap at home.
- Each Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night, audiences storm the projection room taking it over to show their vintage stag films which are more popular than the selections you have made to show in your theater.
- Boxing matches are common place down in front when it's time to show your latest film purchase, but you are the boxer who "Teddy 'Bear' Taylor," a retired Golden Gloves heavyweight boxer is beating up in the night's matches.
- Your theater makes a perfect place to showcase local talent in your hometown. "Rowdy J.W. Jones," cowboy singer is a crowd favorite.
- Shadow puppets take the place of "Another Star Trekk," film you lost your behind on when it was released. But it's not all your fault. You didn't see the spelling 'Trekk' that kept the film's producers from being sued by George Lucas and Steven Spielberg who made the real Star Wars.
- Local factory employees who work the second shift (3 p.m. to 11 p.m.) use your theater seating area for breaks and dinner time. Local cops find a certain restfulness and quiet when they all pile into your theater.
- You have a brilliant idea. You leak a fake story to the local newspaper, radio, and television stations about a gang of foreign terrorists who have taken over your theater and you thought that this brainstorm would stir up public interest, but it only backfired when the local police, F.B.I. or Homeland Security never bothered to show up to arrest these blood-thirsty heathens.
- You threaten to shut your theater down by placing an expensive full-page ad in your local newspaper and no one complains or disagrees with your decision.
- You are now growing frightened by the weekend for your theater losing lots of money on poor films, but what really made you blow your top was the weekend that a traveling rodeo company took over your audience area and held a national bullriding competition in your theater.
- You are at your wit's end. You try to sell your theater to get back the dough that you sunk into the business that the former owner said was a gold mine. You advertise your theater for sale in your local paper and even put it on every billboard outside of your town.
- Then as a last resort, you change your ad to "Free! One walk-in theater to the first person to show up at 8 a.m. in the morning."
Sadly, now years later, you are still waiting.
Good night, Yuma, Arizona.
© 2017 Kenneth Avery