Yummy (2019) Movie Review
Lars Damoiseaux and Eveline Hagenbeek
In compliance with all CDC and GHB and RTYH guidelines, this review is wearing a face covering and all authorized PPE equipment. And even some PPE equipment that’s really not necessary and just there for show. Also to impress the judges who are grading for both style and functionality.
The writer of the review (Me!) and the review itself are wearing masks with cool designs and a couple of large gaping holes in the middle because they’re not very well made. Probably by some elves in ______ (insert 3rd world country here). They’re not very effective, but at least they’re inexpensive.
Except for the actual letters that you’re reading, this review has been soaked in bleach, hence the white background. That’s also why you’re feeling woozy and there’s a heavy ammonia smell shooting up into your brain. At the end of the review Jello-based hand sanitizer will be provided for you to disinfect your digits and make rainbow gelatin cubes for that get-together you’re not having.
Forgive me if I’m being overly cautious. I haven’t written a review in a while because one of my regular readers Bradley Cooper died right after reading my previous review of Dreamland.
Bradley Cooper is dead! The famous actor and director of a Star is Born?
No, not Bradley Cooper the famous actor and director of A Star is Born. Bradley Cooper, a regular reader of these reviews and follower on all my social media.
Well, not anymore because he’s dead. So that’s one fewer view I’ll get from this review.
Did he die from the virus?
Yes. He was reading this review on a tablet in the middle of brackish water somewhere n South Florida. A crocodile swung down from the branches, holding a taut vine, and tore Bradley Cooper in half. The crocodile then ate part of Bradley Cooper’s torso and fingers. The crocodile virus killed him hours later.
It’s such a shame that Bradley Cooper won’t be able to read this review because he’s dead.
It’s insane how fast that crocodile virus spreads to people who have just been ripped apart by crocodiles.
I hope another reader takes Bradley Cooper’s place and doesn’t get torn apart by a crocodile while reading it.
I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.
Is that from The Shawshank Redemption?
I hope the crocodile found Bradley Cooper…yummy.
Yummy opens with a bunch of pervy guys staring at, and then catcalling our heroine Alison (Maaike Neuville). They’re not very subtle and Alison longs for a time she doesn’t have to deal with the looks and the disrespectful behavior.
You see, Alison, her mother Sylvia (Annick Christaens), along with her longtime boyfriend Michael are heading to an Eastern European clinic they found on the internet to get breast reduction surgery.
Just to clear, Alison is the only one getting breast reduction surgery.
Sylvia is getting more plastic surgery. Something she does on a regular basis.
Michael is tagging along to provide support. He says he loves her even with B-cups. Alison (and the audience) believes him. After the procedure he’s even planning to propose to her.
A proposal after breast reduction surgery? Classic. Everyone knows that’s the absolute best time to propose, especially in shady European clinic that you found on the web.
They get to the clinic. It looks pretty skeezy and definitely does not match its profile picture. They should turn around now but then we wouldn’t have a movie.
Alison doesn’t care. She just wants to get it over with. But the doctors are a little loopy, speak almost an entirely different language, and seem preoccupied with something else.
It’s only invasive surgery with a scalpel. I’m no doctor, but you probably don’t have to have your full attention for that.
Alison preps surgery with a doctor who initially thought she wanted her F-cups enlarged. Honest mistake. Could have happened to anybody. We’re sure he’ll be fine with a knife.
Michael will wait for the surgery to finish. He used to study medicine but couldn’t stand the sight of blood so he quit. He did notice a lot of irregular procedures taking place, a lot of protocols not followed. You get what you pay for.
Mike follows a creepy orderly named Daniel (Benjamin Ramon) as they take an impromptu tour. Mike asks Daniel questions about the facility. Daniel is reticent to answer.
Daniel takes Mike to a more restricted part of the building.
Mike finds a topless woman with her face covered strapped to an iron table. That’s some social distancing for you. Mike takes the cover off her face…
Her mouth is all torn up and she’s growling. Mike is startled and falls. He accidently cuts free topless zombie in the confusion.
Topless zombie is on the run!
Mike has a huge gash in his head and blood is gushing out of it. It’s safe to say Mike is dead.
Or is he?
It’s also safe to say that in such a well-run facility such as this, there’s no doubt that the clinic personnel will know what to do with zombie on the loose. They’ll follow proper procedure, engage all safety measures so that before you can say One Cut Of The Dead, all the nurses, doctors and patients will be safe and the surgeons can go back to surgery-ing.
Or will they?
No. Probably not.
What Works With Yummy
- More gore than you can mop up in one trip. Excellent practical effects and sound design make for the squishiest splattered parts you’ll see in a Dutch film this year. Or in your life.
- A hilariously gory sequence involving a man and his member. As previously stated, it’s not for the squeamish, but it sure is funny.
- The best performance of the movie goes to Burt Hollanders for his deadpan delivery of Dutch as the put-upon boyfriend Michael. The things one does for love.
- Director/Co-writer Lars Damoiseaux has made a pretty standard but entertaining zombie movie, but nothing to distinguish itself from the dozens if not hundreds if not tens of zombies movie you see each year. Except for the ending. This ending you’ll remember.
And congratulations to Lars Damoiseaux for having all five vowels in his last name!
What Doesn’t Work With Yummy
- It’s not a slow first act, but it does take some time getting what you paid your ticket for, and by “What you paid your ticket for” I mean “What You Paid Your Subscription for”. It’s not boring, but there are times when you wonder if you’re watching the correct movie. Don’t worry. It’s worth the wait.
If you find brains, breast reduction surgery, blood, and more blood yummy, then by all means, Yummy is the movie for you. Actually, Yummy is the movie for everyone. Our sight-impaired friends can enjoy this too as you can lovingly hear guts being ripped out. #Yummy