Zombies: Pros and Cons
This lists som eof the postitive things about zombies. it advocates for zombie tolerance and supports zombies. This section is written on the basis that zombies should be able to live (or unlive) their lives regardless of their level of undeadness.
Zombies are good specialty type blood donors at the blood bank.
Zombies are great make over candidates for reality shows like TLC's "What Not To Wear."
Zombies have higher food standards than vampires. Zombies will only munch on humans when better fare, like chicken fried steak, is unavailable.
Consider a zombie roommate. They won't hog the shower.
Zombies are energy efficient. They don't drive, or use heat or air conditioning. In fact, they are very biodegradable.
Zombies don't put a strain on emergency medical services, dental clinics, or dermatologists.
Zombies don't have annoying dog. In fact, they may improve your neighborhood by eating the horrible, barking dog next door.
Zombies are not worriers. They don't care about aging, obesity, or the IRS. Can you say that?
Zombies are cheap to take places. They almost always qualify for the senior discount.
When you're around zombies, your blind date goes from a 4 to a 10.
Zombies are healthier than some of the living. They are non smokers as it's hard to keep up the habit undergraound. In comparison to zombies, the rest of us are always having a good hair day.
This section is written from the standpoint that zombies ar bad and that you should be very afraid.
Zombies should be feared at all times. They do not improve our community and are a threat to our way of life.
They do not contribute to pensions, mutual funds, or the lottery.
They do not pick up after themselves, sometimes leaving limbs and decomposing materials behind.
They do not cross the streets in the crosswalks.
They do no support bikeathons, walkathons, or bake sales.
They don't knit sweaters.
They let their tombstones crumble, lowering property values.
No one will touch their orange fluff jello dessert.
Cadavers so do not equal chic.
They aren't involved in any professional sports.
They don't wear reflective clothing when they roam at night.
It's easy to confuse barbecue and zombie limbs.
They don't floss.
They are embarrassing to take home for Thanksgiving.
Sorry, but no one wants to see them in a swimsuit at the local pool or water park.