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A Peek At Poo

Updated on January 21, 2013

Welcome To A Peek At Poo

This light-hearted lens pays tribute to a taboo table talk topic: "poo" or "poop" (in polite circles also referred to as "excrement", "voiding", or "waste").

Known by scientific synonyms such as bowel movements, discharges, or stools, not to mention entertaining euphemisms such as "my daily dump", "number two", or perhaps even "horse apples", there is a certain "je ne sais quoi" behind the word "poo".

Those with inquiring minds and fickle funnybones will appreciate a few facts mixed in with a mirthful if not modest dose of fiction about fecal matters. Meanwhile, everyone else will at least get all the poop on poo they've ever wanted. Just be careful to avoid stepping in deep doo doo next time you're out taking man's best friend for a walk on the wild side!

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Image Credit: macmcrae.com/doggy poo.jpg

A Few Facts About Fecal Matters

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The average human being excretes more than 400 pounds of solid waste a year.

Feces or turds are comprised 1/3 water, 1/3 dead bacterial matter, and 1/3 undigested food (like cellulose or fibre).

Most fecal material is brownish in color which comes mainly from bilirubin, a pigment that arises from the breakdown of red blood cells in the liver and bone marrow. Of course they can also come in other hues varying from yellow, to green, and pale gray and occasional dark black depending on the health of the individual and the foods digested.

Stools often have a distinctive fragrance as a result of bacterial action that produce smelly, sulfur-rich organic compounds such as indole, skatole, and mercaptans, and the inorganic gas hydrogen sulfide (which are the same compounds that give farts their odor).

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Image Credit: Poo cartoon - northdevon.gov.uk/poo_web.jpg

Pesky Pet Peeves - The Self-Cleaning Super Dooper Pooper Scooper

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I don't know about you, but in the overcrowded urban jungle where I live, there are far too many Fidos and Fifis, either on or off-leash, who think nothing of depositing their droppings on the sidewalk, on the grassy patch where I want to sit and enjoy a picnic in the park, or the spot on the sandy beach where I wish to recline on my bathtowel and soak up the sun.

Goodness knows that in a world full of cutting-edge technology and scientific tinkering with the genetic code of plants and animals, you would have thought by now that some bright light would have come up with a solution to my pesky pet peeve -- horrid horse apples on the street, corpulent cowpies in my pasture, and dreadful doggy droppings on my front lawn.

Since it's clear that it's impossible to train a homo sapien to use a little plastic bag to pick up after one's pooch upon doing its daily business, why not consider breeding crapless canines? Better yet, why not enhance man's best friend by incorporating a brand new feature: the self-cleaning super-dooper pooper scooper?

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Image Credit: Ron Leishman cartoon - clipartof.com/1045643

Waging War on Waste ... - The Dilemma of Diaper Dads

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The world may have evolved over the last millions of years, but one thing is for sure, the courageous caveman, the super sportsman, and the winning warrior have usually run in fear of a fate worse than death ... having to change a nappy belonging to a bouncing bog-bound bambino.

Whether their bundles of joy drop a few pellets, or heaven forbid, let loose a liquid load of leftovers -- these diaper dads take all manner of measures to reduce their exposure to the wafting winds of changing time including the donning of gas masks, rubber gloves, and waterproof aprons.

Perhaps mankind could significantly reduce the incidence of conflict and war, if every male was required to perform a self-sacrificing public service for a period of five years -- say cleaning toilets and wash-basins, washing nappies by hand (to reduce the size of land-fills), and changing the diapers of little ones, and teaching the younger generation the time-honored rituals of personal hygiene.

Diaper Dads Unite In the Spirit of Clean Fun & Clean Living!

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Image Credit: clipartpal.com/NewDad_tnb.png

My Bearded Dragon hasn't pooped for several days, what should I do?

Well, according to the experts try the following:

1. Do not put sand in his box, (he'll lick anything -- not good); use newspaper, shelf-liner, or ceramic tiles.

2. Bathe him (up to his shoulders) in warm water (95 degrees); it will keep him well hydrated.

3. Feed him some mineral oil, olive oil (with a syringe) or unsweetened apple sauce (plus kale and spring greens avoid lettuce!)

If this fails to do the trick, then take your constipated dragon to the vet.

Lord of the Long John - In days of old...

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"In days of old,

When knighst were bold

And toilets weren't invented,

They left their load

Along the road

And walked off so contented."

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Image Credit: Chud Tsankov Illustrations@flickr.com

Poem Credit: a childhood ditty; author unknown

Getting the Poop on Poo!

Entertaining Euphemisms For Evacuating or Expelling One's Excremental Effluvium

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According to the authors of "What's Your Poo Telling You?", there are more than 60 euphemisms for "number 2", and probably only one entertaining expletive if the toilet paper roll dispenser is empty!

So, here are a few to get you started. Maybe you can add a few more?

christen the comfort station; call a Code Brown

defecate; do a number two; do the doo; do one's daily duty; drop a load; drop one from the poop deck; drop a wad in the porcelain god

enjoy an Easter Bunny's present

lay a turd; leave a deposit; let loose some looloos; lose ten pounds in a minute

make a desposit in the drop box; make caca; make poopie, perform the poop shot; move one's bowels

pinch a loaf; pitch a log; plant potatoes; plop a load

relieve oneself; respond to the call of nature, ride the porcelain pony

see a man about a dog; shit a brick; shit on a rock; sit on the crapper; spend a penny; squat and push, squeeze some scat;

talk to a man about a horse; take care of one's business; take a crap; take a dump; drop some turds

unhitch a load; visit the - bog house - the can, - the John, - the Powder Room, - the throne room

The Power Of Poo - If engineers rule the world, how come they can't convert caca and compost to heat my house, fuel my car, or run a factory?

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Image Credit: Toilet compost - media.economist.com D0110ST1.jpg

Toilet Training -- The Potty Poll

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Assuming you are a toilet training "survivor", how much do you recall about this hilarious if not hellish period of your potty personality?

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Image Credit: Toilet training cartoon - abryan.aupairnews.com/0511-0901-0417-2545_b.png

Should the Geneva Convention cover the humane treatment of little tikes in the toilet training trenches?

See results

Are you running regularly? - Are you making friends with fiber?

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Fred Flatfoot, a charter member of the Constant Constipation Club hasn't yet mastered the art of running regularly or moving his bowels frequently, which is why he needs to "make friends with fibre" if he wants to live a long, happy, and rewarding life!

So here's a list of the TOP TWENTY FIBRE FOODS that you and Fred should put on your daily "to doo" list:

1. Dried beans, peas, and other legumes (including baked beans, kidney beans, split peas, dried limas, garbanzos, pinto beans and black beans).

2. Bran cereals (and here you have a lot choose from including one's with added raisins, yogurt, or almonds).

3. Fresh or frozen lima beans, both Fordhook and baby limas .

4. Fresh or frozen green peas (it doesn't matter whether they're the gourmet "petite" size or "odd" sized)

5. Dried fruit (take your pick: figs, apricots and dates).

6. Raspberries, blackberries and strawberries (nice on a bowl of bran buds or bran flakes).

7. Sweet corn, whether on the cob or cut off in kernels (popcorn doesn't really do the trick).

8. Whole-wheat and other whole-grain cereal products. (Toast is great but watch the butter and sweet stuff you add on to it). Rye, oats, buckwheat and stone-ground cornmeal are all high in fiber. And, bread, pastas, pizzas, pancakes and muffins made with whole-grain flours which are also healthy for you).

9. Broccoli-very high in fiber! (Going green just got a whole lot easier!)

10. Baked potato with the crispy skin left on. (By the way, if you're a carb counter, mashed and boiled potatoes are good, too-but not french fries, which contain a high percentage of fat.)

11. Frozen or fresh green snap beans, pole beans, and broad beans. (Wanna play "Jack and the Bean Pole"?)

12. Fresh plums, pears, and apples (the skin is edible, and are all high in pectin).

13. Raisins and prunes (not as high on the list as other dried fruits (see #5) but very valuable.

14. Greens (including spinach, beet greens, kale, collards, swiss chard and turnip greens).

15. Nuts, especially almonds, Brazil nuts, peanuts, and walnuts (consume these sparingly, because of their high fat content).

16. Cherries (yes, if life is a bowl full of cherries -- you'll also have to do your part by spitting out the pits!)

17. Bananas (just watch where you throw the peel...life can be a slippery affair when you least expect it).

18. Carrots (they're recommended by Bugs Bunny, the Easter Bunny, and the March Hare!)

19. Coconut (dried or fresh-but both are high in fat content).

20. Brussels sprouts (c'mon I dare you to try them...just a bite or two!)

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Image Credit: Ron Leishman cartoon - clipartof.com/439420

Information Source: http://www.chpnyc.org/healthinfo/dietaryfiber/index.html

Scat Facts - Time to laugh and learn a little

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Often wild critters leave all sorts of calling cards behind just to let you know they've marked the territory and relieved themselves at the same time.

Before frolicking in the hollyfuds or responding to the call of nature, it's always best to check and see who's been there so you won't be surprised to find out with whom you are sharing the big potty outside.

Scat (animal feces) is a big help to backpackers, hikers, and naturalists interested in detecting the presence of animals in the wilderness.

If a scat specimen looks like that of a cat, but you're not sure, consider the color and size. Is it 8 inches long? Then it's likely to be from a bobcat but more likely a cougar or maybe a coyote.

On the other hand, if the poop comes in the form of round pellets, they probably belong to a rabbit, or maybe you've stumbled upon a depost of deer "berries". If the scat is slightly elongated, it might be from a sheep. If it's tubular, like your friend Fido's, and approximately the same size, it's likely the scat of a coyote. And, if it's larger but dark and tarry it may belong to a cougar.

Are you ready for a career change ...perhaps to hone your newly acquired doo-doo detective skills?

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Source: www.tpwmagazine.com/archive/2006/feb/skillbuilder

Image Credit: clipartguide.com/0511-1005-0622-3231.jpg

Tinkle Pantry Tomes & Topics

Toilets of the World
Toilets of the World

What's not to like about taking a tinkle pantry tour of the globe?

 
The Big Necessity: The Unmentionable World of Human Waste and Why It Matters
The Big Necessity: The Unmentionable World of Human Waste and Why It Matters

This book could have been dubbed, "The Big Dump" or "Does Deep Doo Doo Matter?" -- through humor we can learn all there is to know about human waste and how we're going to deal with it.

 
2012 Toilets of the world Wall Calendar (English, German, French, Italian, Spanish and Dutch Edition)
2012 Toilets of the world Wall Calendar (English, German, French, Italian, Spanish and Dutch Edition)

A terrific walling calander -- keeping you up to date on toilet treasures of the world.

 
Poop Culture: How America Is Shaped by Its Grossest National Product
Poop Culture: How America Is Shaped by Its Grossest National Product

A fun romp through the politics of poop, and the history of human waste with oodles of humor and wit not to mention all sorts of interesting fecal facts.

 
What's My Pee Telling Me?
What's My Pee Telling Me?

This is certainly no piddling project -- a great guide for potty training parents and professionals!

 

Only the best dressed guys poo in blue!

"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking."

-- Jerry Seinfeld --

Getting The Scoop On Poop! - Or, Getting the Poop On Poo!

What's Your Poo Telling You?
What's Your Poo Telling You?

A marvellous manure manual for those with inquiring minds and fickle funnybones!

 
Kama Pootra: 52 Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop
Kama Pootra: 52 Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop

Exercising one's sphincter muscles is a healthy activity!

 
Everybody Poops 410 Pounds a Year: An Illustrated Bathroom Companion for Grown-Ups (Dirty Everyday Slang)
Everybody Poops 410 Pounds a Year: An Illustrated Bathroom Companion for Grown-Ups (Dirty Everyday Slang)

Everybody poops whether rich or poor which begs the question if there is a Guiness Book of Records for the person who has unloaded the most in one year.

 
Where's the Poop?
Where's the Poop?

A handy aid for toilet training. All animals have to evacuate -- if the tidy tiger does it in a jungle, the finicky fox does it in the forest, does the platypus do it in a pool?

 

Frankly, if the small green pea of happiness doesn't seem to be coming your way today ... - May the big, boisterous bunny of happiness ...

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Poo pellets - vimrod - flickriver.com

Celebrate The Crazy Christmas Spirit! - With A Reindeer Road Apples Poem

"I woke up with such a scare when I heard Santa call...

"Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

I ran to the lawn, and in the snowy white drifts,

those nasty reindeer had left "little gifts".

I got an old shovel and started to scoop

Neat little piles of "reindeer poop."

but to throw them away seemed such a waste,

So I saved them, thinking you might like a taste!

Reindeer Gift TagAs I finished my task, which took quite a while,

Old Santa passed by and he sheepishly smiled.

And I heard him exclaim as he rose to the sky~~~

"Well, they're not potty trained, but at least they can fly!"

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Image Credit: soadahead.com/56urweyuerwhyrtfh.jpg

Poem Credit: http://christmas.organizedhome.com/gifts-crafts-gift-tags/reindeer-poop

Reindeers Know How to Keep Regular!

Reindeer Pooper Candy Pooper Dispenser
Reindeer Pooper Candy Pooper Dispenser

For those with keen interest in keeping the Crazy Christmas Spirit alive!

 

Surely you have a toilet training tale to share, provided of course that you're not a party pooper or a grand poo bah.

Feedback From The Front-Lines Of Fecal Matters - C'mon don't be shy ...

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    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I was curious enough to type it in. Thanks for a good laugh and new tidbits of info!

    • KimGiancaterino profile image

      KimGiancaterino 6 years ago

      Wow ... 26 feet long! Thanks for helping me laugh and learn.

    • RhondaAlbom profile image

      Rhonda Albom 6 years ago from New Zealand

      LOL - I love your peek at poo lens. Really well done. Blessed by the humor angel. Feel free to add a link to the plexo on my humor angel lens. (/humor)