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A Real Canadian, eh?

Updated on August 29, 2017

How To Identify a Real Canadian

Some people have trouble identifying Canadians from Americans so it is with that in mind, that I present this Identification Guide. After you have carefully studied this guide, identification will no longer be a problem for you. If you are not completely satisfied, please return this product for a full refund.

General Appearance

We are hard to distinguish from Americans - however there are some clues.

We are on average not as tall - most of us come in under 5 feet 9 inches. No basketball players among us.

Neither are we muscle-bound as we can't find a steroid supplier up here. So there are not many weight-lifters or power hitters either.

After the age of 16, most of us have facial hair including the women. Our cold climate necessitates the need to grow hair in order to keep warm.

Generally, we are not overweight as most of us are hockey players and we need to be light-weighted and fast. Being light-weighted keeps the ice from cracking and being fast means we get a few of our own punches in during the fights which always break out.

If you see us at an airport, bus or train station - we never carry our belongings in a suitcase. We use kits bags - big ones - they carry all our hockey gear and a change or two of clothing, with a large Maple Leaf on the back.

Canadian Clothing & Fashion

In the winter, you will find us dressed in heavy parkas, thick fur mittens, and snowshoes on our feet. When indoors, we will remove our snowshoes, open up our parkas but leave our mitts on.

Summer, the clothing is not as heavy because our temperatures can get as high as 45 degrees Fahrenheit. Then, we just need to wear heavy flannel shirts (usually red and black checker-pattern) and a tuque.

You won't find many of us wearing designer jeans, patterned t-shirts nor running shoes. Our government has tight restrictions on these types of clothing.

Most of us wear watches on our left wrists as most of us are right-handed. The watches are of simple design and are usually the wind-up variety.

As for jewellery, the men wear none and the women are allowed to wear simple necklaces and earrings. None of the jewellery will be made of gold as all Canadians get a rash when gold is touched to their skins, following the Yukon Gold Rush.

As for cologne and deodorants - they are not generally used. Certainly not deodorants as it never gets hot here and nobody sweats. As we are a lazy breed, we don't even break into a sweat while exercising or working. Cologne is occasionally used depending on whether or not we have an excess of fish oil. This only happens when our winters are not too harsh and we didn't need to use all the oil to keep our igloos warm.

What Canadians Eat

In winter, we eat a lot of popsicles - generally vanilla and apple flavoured. Also, beaver tails and herring. Our main drink during the winter is hot soup and if lucky, a cup or two of tea.

Come the summer, we can sometimes get our hands on the odd squirrel meat and often you will find us drinking hot chocolate when one of us makes a visit to the USA and manages to smuggle the chocolate back. There is also coffee from time to time. Nothing really cold as, remember, it's still around 45 degrees even in summer.

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Our Educational System

Though we only have one university, it is one of the best in the entire world.

Most of use can read and write three languages - English, French and Russian.

At Bonehead Univeristy, we walk away with the best education possible.

Do you wonder if you could meet the grade? Go to my avater in the top right corner of this page and click on it. That will bring you to my other lenses - look for Bonehead Univeristy and take the first year's course free.

Comforts of Home

We live a simple life up here. We only have 2 radio stations - Canadian Broadcasting Corp. and Zut Radio. Zut Radio is by far the better of the two and it can be found on Twitter as Zut_Radio.

Only one television station here and it just gives weather reports so that we can determine if it is fit to go out and fish.

Recently, we have begun installing indoor plumbing. When ever Billy Bob comes in the area with an ice saw, we have him cut a hole in the floor of our igloos.

Transportation

We Canadians have 3 personal modes of transportation - our legs, dogsleds and bicycles.

I imagine the only one you might find odd is the bicycle but many of us have one as most of us cannot afford 6 dogs and a sled.

As you might well know, many countries send used bicycles to Cuba. When the Cubans are finished with them, they are transported to us by air once a year. When we get them, we remove the tires and with our sharp ulu knives, we make notches in the metal rims. This way, we get good traction on the ice.

Wildlife

Besides the crazy parties we occasionally have, the only other main wildlife you will see in Canada are the Polar Bear, the Moose and of course the Canada Kangaroo.

Please see the module below to view these magnificent animals.

Wildlife of Canada

Trade and Commerce

Being somewhat isolated as we are, we have learnt to become self-sufficent. However, there is some trade with Russia, as many of us can see Russia way off in the distance.

A very long heavy-duty clothesline runs between our two countries enabling trade without Customs interference. We use a large double-stitched canvas bag and send herring and iceberg lettuce to them. In return, they send back frozen orange juice and newspapers from Moscow. 83.7% of us are fluent in Russian.

Speech

Our speech pattern is quite different from Americans.

You will never hear us say, "Ya'all come back now, ya hear?". But you will hear us say, "You Guys" frequently and we always end our sentences with eh, eh?

"Bubba" is a word we do not use as the word up here is "buddy". No drawly accents from us but if you do encounter a Canadian from Newfoundland, you will have a real problem understanding him. Suffice to say, if you see someone who has all the other signs of being a Canadian but you haven't a clue what he said to you - chances are high that he is a Newfoundlander !!!

However, do not confuse Newfoundlanders with Newfoundland Dogs - they both come from Newfoundland but the dogs are the ones who can't talk at all.

Did I miss anything?

I tried to cover all the main differences between Canadains and Amerians. If I missed something, please bring it to my attention. Thanks.

Has this Guide been a help to you?

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    • profile image

      hi-kama-12 3 years ago

      Really! Only half of this is true! I have a proper car, school and The University of Toronto is a bus ride away!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      thats not a canadian you dumb***

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      This is not how a canadian lives you *****

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I couldn't read after a few lines...are Americans still so uneducated about North America in general. Dog sleds, come on. Travel and educate yourself people...

    • Zut Moon profile image
      Author

      Zut Moon 4 years ago

      @CrossCreations: Thank you so much for reading this lens of mine. My next lens will be all about Guns in America. The obsession, the lack of control and the tragedies that occur from it. I'll give you a heads up when I complete it. Have yourself a Super Great Day !!!

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 5 years ago from Canada

      I love your view of Canadians. Lol silly but oh so ridiculously true. Gosh but it gets hard to type with mitts on though....

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 5 years ago

      East coast Canadians ARE different - more educated, friendlier and trustworthy than . . cough, cough . . say other areas. Even a study was conducted on which province: where if you lost your wallet, it would most likely be returned. The maritime provinces came out ahead of everywhere else in Canada.

    • CrossCreations profile image

      Carolan Ross 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Very funny lens about Canadians, and yes the way they say 'ABOUT' sounds like 'A BOOT' or at least similar. When I hear 'A BOOT' and ending every sentence with 'EH???' I know I've found a Canadian.

    • Virginia Allain profile image

      Virginia Allain 5 years ago from Central Florida

      When we play with Canadian golfers in Florida, I usually can spot them right away. It's the way they say "about." Actually it is very similar to the way people from Virginia say it. A carryover from England, I think.

    • shellys-space profile image

      Shelly Sellers 5 years ago from Midwest U.S.A.

      Do you sleep with the sleigh dogs to stay warm?

    • CoeGurl profile image

      CoeGurl 5 years ago from USA

      Fun... and funny!... lens.

    • PromptWriter profile image

      Moe Wood 5 years ago from Eastern Ontario

      LOL I wanna know where you get them vanilla and apple flavoured popsicles eh?

    • Susan300 profile image

      Susan300 6 years ago

      Zut, you're a hoot! This lens is great fun. :)

    • Susan300 profile image

      Susan300 6 years ago

      @grannysage: "9 months of winter and 3 months of poor sledding"... giggled myself to tears over that one! :)

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Really funny...

    • TonyPayne profile image

      Tony Payne 6 years ago from Southampton, UK

      That was fun, nicely done, blessed.

    • traveller27 profile image

      traveller27 6 years ago

      Fun lens - blessed by a Canadian travelling angel :)

    • Zut Moon profile image
      Author

      Zut Moon 6 years ago

      @BLouw: Of course it's all true .... Why would I ever lie about something like this ?

    • BLouw profile image

      Barbara Walton 6 years ago from France

      Great fun - or is it the honest truth?? Would love to come and find out but only in summer. Blessed.

    • Zut Moon profile image
      Author

      Zut Moon 6 years ago

      @marigoldina: OH Man ... and I thought U were in Japan ... LOL

    • marigoldina profile image

      Heather B 6 years ago

      Yep, gotta love that squirrel meat! Mmm mmm. Hugs from a fellow Canuck!

    • debnet profile image

      Debbie 6 years ago from England

      ROFL!! I have tears of laughter running down my cheeks! loved the video and I'm so pleased the women are állowed'' to wear necklaces!!! Blessed by a happy Squid Angel ;)

    • profile image

      grannysage 6 years ago

      Aha, you Canadians think you are special but us Yoopers (from the UP of Michigan) look and sound just like you, eh? Hockey is king and snowmobiles are the preferred method of transportation. There is 9 months of winter and 3 months of poor sledding. I think we would get along fine, except I don't like snow any more.

    • RhondaAlbom profile image

      Rhonda Albom 6 years ago from New Zealand

      This was really fun. Blessed by a Squidoo Angel.

    • franstan lm profile image

      franstan lm 6 years ago

      Very enjoyable lens from one Canadian to another

    • Missmerfaery444 profile image

      Missmerfaery444 6 years ago

      I have a couple of Canadian friends and laughed so hard at this - brilliant!

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Enjoyed this much. I laughed and laughed...yeaahhhh Canucks.

    • profile image

      kariano 7 years ago

      Thanks for useful information!

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      Just looking around for information on apple juice recipes when I stumbled upon your page, excellent lens I must add, I'm more the wiser as a result.

    • ayngel boshemia profile image

      Ayngel Overson 8 years ago from Crestone, Co

      [in reply to Zut_Moon] Can't really blame you for not wanting to run to US, doesn't make much sense unless of course you are running to Hollywood...

    • Zut Moon profile image
      Author

      Zut Moon 8 years ago

      [in reply to boshemia] The reverse is not true in Canada. Nobody threatens to go to the US if the election doesn't go the way we want. We aren't stuck with the same leader for 4 years - if a minority government wins, we can have another election very soon.

    • ayngel boshemia profile image

      Ayngel Overson 8 years ago from Crestone, Co

      You are so silly... Perhaps you can answer this question... Why is it that every time there is an election in the US American's threaten to run off to Canada if it doesn't go the way they would like??

    • profile image

      poutine 8 years ago

      Funny.

      I'm a canadian and proud of it.

    • profile image

      marsha32 8 years ago

      funny stuff!

    • profile image

      PosterChildSmile 8 years ago

      A! This is funny! - Keep us laughing Zut....

    • SandyMertens profile image

      Sandy Mertens 8 years ago from Frozen Tundra

      Good stuff. So... the stereotype is true. LOL

    • Sarunas profile image

      Sarunas 8 years ago

      Nice one. Really funny lens.

      Maybe someone believe that it's true.. ;DD

      Nice bro, 5* from my side

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      you forgot to mention that we travel by dogsled most of the year....

    • profile image

      LadyExpat 8 years ago

      Laughing hard! (You know I could send some people here who would believe this!)

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      I want to move - I'de fit in real well - have the beard too although the wife will need to get started on hers.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      Wow. I can't believe you forgot to mention our four-legged mode of transportation!

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      Fun stuff! Looking forward to the visual presentations on this subject.

    • MartiLawrence profile image

      Marti Lawrence 9 years ago from Grain Valley, Missouri

      Great lens! Thanks for sharing!