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A Quintin Smith's funny facebook statuses

Updated on September 15, 2014

My best facebook statuses

I try to be a little humorous, sometimes downright funny, sometimes not so much but you will always be engaged when you read my facebook. :)

I find topics and write statuses that I think people will enjoy with there first cup of coffee of the day but be careful because sometime the coffee will fly if you are not prepared for what you might read.

Monster in the closet

People always tell me what great kids I have and wonder what my secret is. Well it's simple really. You know that moment in every child's life when you hear them crying and you go into there room and they say there is a monster under my bed or in my closet. Like a good father I look thoroughly under the bed or in the closet while yelling loudly monster are you in there. Then I come back to the child's bed and simply say, "You were right, there is a monster down there and it says if you ever misbehave again it will come out and take you straight to hell." But there are repercussions. I think this is the reason my oldest prefers to sleeps on the couch to this very day.

Life lesson

Some days I am a good example others I am a horrible warning, most days I am a lesson waiting to be learned.

Stalker

Remember when you are reading all my statuses and you are thinking to yourself, man this guy is an attention whore, but you come back day after day and and do it again, that makes you a stalker, doesn't it. ;-)

A New Year

A man on TV said most motor vehicle accidents on New Year's happen a mile from your home. I didn't know that many bad drivers drove around my neighborhood. Drive safe and stay away from my house. Happy New Years.

Another year of the Pig

Some people call it New Year's Eve, I call it the last bacon day of 2011. The Chinese say 2012 is the year of the Dragon but in my house it will be another year of the pig. :)

My body's not a temple - Theme park

some peoples bodies are temples, mine's a theme park.

The Devil is in the making - Boys just want to have fun

When my older two boys were much younger I heard this conversation from the back of the mini van on the drive home from church. One said, "What do you think about all this devil business we studied today?"

The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just Dad, too."

Death by toast - Stay out of toast infested water

Shocking I know but toasters kill more people in a year than sharks do. So when you're at the beach watch out for those killer toasters.

Girl and a pole - Fit for fishing

Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime, teach a girl to fish and she will need new shoes and an outfit to go do it.

Fake Flying - Feeling the TSA

I bought a pair of socks that look like shoes, a pair of pants that look like they have a belt and a shirt that looks like it has a chain around the neck. Ready for my next run in with the TSA.

Championship rings - Good workout

I have slowed down a little over the years, I breath a little harder when I workout but the good news is I still have as many championship rings as Lebron James.

Don't Drink and Drive - The talking horse

I was at one of those upscale neighborhood bars the other night and when I left to go to my car there was a horse and he told me not to drive home...it's all a little fuzzy and hard to believe but I think there was a cop on top of it.

Jog faster - Coming through

I don't run for fun! If you see me running past you, you better start running too because something is coming.

Status isn't everything

You don't have to like me, I'm not a facebook status.

Doing it the right way - Cash in on you

Doing what is right is subjective to the audience that it is presented too but doing what is profitable will always be critiqued on the value of the product given. I say do what is profitable the right way and you neither have to be prudent or politically correct to get a positive result.

Just Don't do it.

If you need to get something done fast, tell someone not to do it.

Couple advice - Crazy I know

My best relationship advice: Make sure you're the crazy one.

Do it Right

When trying to do the right thing, one needs to be sure they are not taking advice from the wrong people.

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