I've honestly never felt video games or movies were violent. Even when they have horrible depictions of torture (mostly movies in that case) or warfare, I feel like that isn't really the point. I'll admit that for some movies it is a point, but I dislike those. I watch movies for a story and whether it contains violence or not I'm good with it.
As a long time gamer it's a different story. I was playing Halo recently and i realized that in a regular situation, concentrating on shooting something in the head is considered violent, in the video games its not about violence, it's about skill and motor control, timing, the exhilaration of pitting your skills against something and winning.
On a final note I think I'll point out another aspect. In movies especially violence is not realistic. It ceases to be sickening and instead becomes ridiculous. Take any action movie, like James Bond, people liked those cause James was portrayed doing physical feats that are totally impossible for a regular person to do. This appeals to our sense of wonder and imagination
That was long, but I find this question very interesting... :D