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Anti Jokes | Non Jokes | Anti Humor

Updated on November 17, 2014

You already know one Anti-joke!

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side, see you do know one! The funniest part about Anti-Jokes is telling them to people who are baffled!

Non or Anti jokes sometimes expose the fact that ordinary or real jokes have a dark side, read my collection of the best anti jokes below and you will gradually understand!

See below for the Anti-Joke chicken Meme which has another explanation for the origins of the Anti-Joke

>>> The Most Popular Anti Jokes >>>

>>> Best Anti-Jokes List >>>

>>> Chuck Norris Anti-Jokes List >>>

And while you are reading this I'm off to look for my camouflage jacket which I've lost in the woods.

Best Ever Anti-Jokes

The first time I ever heard of Anti-Jokes the one that both stunned me made me laugh was The Tractor Anti-Joke.



  • Q) What did the farmer say who'd lost his tractor?

    A) Where's my tractor?


  • Q) How many boring people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A) One



  • Q) A man walked into a bar

    A) His alcoholism is really worrying his family


  • Q) Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

    A) Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest



    A) Real Joke : Because the parrots-eat-em-all



  • Q) What's worse than getting a parking ticket?

    A) The Black Death



  • Q) How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A) It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair color.



  • Q) How do you get 100 midgets into a Mini?

    A)You have to manufacture a Mini large enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 100 midgets into a Mini is solved.



  • Q) Did you hear about the two guys who wanted to go to Paris?

    A) They didn't go!



  • Q) Why did the boy throw his Television out the window?

    A) Cause it was completely broken.



  • Q. What's the difference between a duck?

    A. An orange. <<< This is the ultimate tough anti-joke



  • Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?

    A: Red paint.



  • Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas?

    A) Nothing



  • Why can't Dinosaurs Talk?

    Because they are all dead.



  • Did you know that Towels can cause Dry Skin?



  • Two Chocolate Biscuits walk down the road

    One say to the other "Where do you live?" . The other replies "I'm not telling you, you might come round and steal my washing!"



  • Q) How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A) A fish



  • Q) Why did the plane crash?

    A) A loaf of bread was driving it



  • See more Anti Jokes below

Anti-Knock Knock Jokes

  • Knock-knock.

    Who's there?

    Doorbell repairman.

  • Knock Knock

    Knock Knock

    Knock Knock

    Knock Knock

    Drat no-one there!

  • Knock Knock

    ...

    ...

    Come in!

Anti-Joke Chicken Meme
Anti-Joke Chicken Meme

Anti-Joke Chicken Meme

This lens got a welcome traffic surge recently on March 3rd 2011 I Googled around and it seemed to because of the creation of the Anti-Joke Chicken Meme. As far as I can understand it's dedicated to people who tell jokes but don't really understand them!

Basically it''s because the chicken can't tell jokes, it explains them and ruins them apparently this originated on reddit.com

And now Meatloaf's got to do a DNA test!

.

What do you think of anti-jokes poll? - Sometimes called Unjokes

Do you like Anti Jokes ?
Do you like Anti Jokes ?

What do you think of anti-jokes?

See results
A Dog walks into a bar
A Dog walks into a bar

Surreal Anti Joke

Has a dream-like quality

A man goes into a bar, he has a dog with him. The dog is wearing an eye patch. The man says to the bartender, 'Ask me about my dog'. Unfortunately the bartender does not hear him, because he went deaf in one ear as a child. He serves a woman at the end of the bar. When he comes around to the man with the dog again, the man orders an imported beer. He forgets what he was going to say about the dog.

A gorilla walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender finds this very peculiar and realizes he is dreaming. He then wakes up and tells his wife about the ridiculous dream he just had. His wife just ignores him, he rolls over and starts to sob because he knows his marriage is in a shambles.

Do you know any Anti-Jokes?

  • Q) Why was six afraid of seven?

    A) It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

  • Q: Why are blonds so stupid?

    A: Scientific studies have found no conclusive correlation between hair color and intelligence.

  • Q: What did Batman say to Robin to get him in the car?

    A: Get in the car

  • Q) What's yellow and can't swim?

    A) A Bulldozer

  • Q) You know when geese fly in a V formation? Do you know why one side is always a little bit longer than the other?

    A) That side has more Geese! (This one creased me up!)

  • Q) Ask me if I'm an airplane, OK are you an airplane?

    A) No

  • Q) I've been on a seafood diet lately.

    A) I've been eating a lot of trout and shrimp

  • Q) Why doesn't a blond need a wrist watch?

    A) The advent of the cellphone with a built in clock has left the watch largely redundant.

  • Q) Yo Momma is so fat!

    A) She needs to go on a diet

  • Q) Why didn't the blind girl go to the party?

    A) She wasn't invited!

  • Q) What happened when a Fox and a Rabbit met one day on a narrow path

    A) The fox ate the rabbit

  • Q) How do you fit an Elephant into a car? (from Joel)

    A) You can't Elephants are really enormous!

  • Ask me if im a tree.

    (are u a tree?)

    No

  • What's the difference between a Gorilla and a Coconut?

    Their color.

  • Has anyone noticed how much Daniel Radcliffe looks like Harry Potter?

Structure of Anti-joke - How to write an anti-joke

An anti-joke starts with any one of a thousand joke openings, a man walks into a bar, a blonde and a red head, what's the difference between , a woman driver thus creating the expectation of a humorous punch line, we prepare to be amused , the anti-joke then deflates these expectations with an anti-climax leaving us slightly lost and bewildered. Some anti-jokes go further and expose that fact that the conventional joke was going to bolster our prejudices and enhance our feeling of superiority over another state, region, nationality, race, gender, political belief, religion or class. Sorry to be serious but that's how it is. I've not included any of the blunter anti-jokes that really expose this because I want this lens to be family friendly.

But leaving all this seriousness aside true jokesters find anti-jokes hilarious

The Ultimate Best Ever Anti Joke

Orange Head Man

A man walks into a bar and notices that the only other person in the bar has an orange for a head.

"Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that you have you have an orange for a head..."

"That's right" says the man with an orange for a head. "I met a magical genie one day who granted me three wishes..."

"Amazing" says the first man, "Please continue".

"Well, for my first wish, I wished I was incredibly rich

"Did that happen?" asks the first man.

"It did indeed", replies the man with an orange for a head. "I'm probably the richest man in the world".

"Amazing!" replies the first man. "What did you wish for next?"

"For my second wish, I wished to be incredibly attractive to women, and that every day I'd meet a new one"

"Wow! Did THAT happen?"

"Of course all though it's difficult to get rid of the previous one!"

"No way, that's amazing!" says the first man. "What was your third wish?"

"Well..." replies the man with an orange for a head, "For my third wish, I wished I had an orange for a head."

Now I've shortened this joke and cleaned it up but it is best if you pad it out to keep building expectation of a funny ending, which of course never arrives!

Best Anti Jokes List

  1. Q) Why do they call a horse a horse.

    A) Because they speak English

  2. Q) Why do undertakers wear ties?

    A) Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

  3. Q) Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away.

    A) One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

  4. Q: Why can't penguins fly?

    A: Because their wings are adapted to swim and not to fly.

  5. Q: A Baby Seal walks into a bar

    A: The barman checks his ID and says "Too young"

  6. Q: Why shouldn't you play cards in the jungle?

    A:) Because the smell and flashy designs may provoke animal attacks.

  7. Q) What did one lawyer say to another lawyer?

    A) We're both lawyers

  8. Q)..What would George Washington do if he was alive today?

    A) Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin

  9. Q) What did Helen Keller name her dog?

    A) Fido

  10. Q) A programmer, and engineer and an accountant meet up for an after work drink.

    A) Afterwards they go home to their separate apartments and think how socially inadequate they are.

Funny Anti Jokes & Jokes - More Anti-Jokes

  1. Q) A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "Why the long face?".

    A) The horse doesn't respond because it cannot speak

  2. Q) How do you confuse a blond?

    A) Paint yourself green and throw forks at her (took me a while to get this one!)

  3. Marines handbook:

    When the pin is removed "Mr Grenade" is no longer our friend! -- Don't know if this is an Anti Joke but it creased me up!

  4. Q) Do you you here about the guy who cooled himself to absolute zero?

    A) He's 0K!

  5. Q) What is blue and fluffy?

    A) Blue Fluff!

  6. Q) What's green and has wheels?

    A) Grass. I lied about the wheels.

  7. Q) What's red and hurts your teeth when you bite it?

    A) A brick!

  8. Q) An Australian walks out of a bar.

    A) -

  9. Q) what do you call a black guy driving a plane?

    A) A pilot

  10. Q) If you say Gullible SLOW enough it will sound like Oranges

Chuck Norris Anti Jokes

  1. Q) What does it mean if you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has $5?

    A) You both have 5 dollars

  2. Q) Why can't Chuck Norris divide by zero

    A) Because it's impossible

  3. Q) Why is Chuck Norris no good at ballet?

    A) Because he has never had any lessons

  4. Q) Why did Chuck Norris eat his dog?

    A) Because he couldn't find the can-opener (that may be a real joke)

Why do People like Anti Jokes
Why do People like Anti Jokes

Why do People like Anti Jokes?

Is there something wrong with them?

When people hear Anti Jokes for the first time , they often think that the joke teller must be crazy or stupid. A few of them will later become anti-joke fans themselves, but many will continue to find them ridiculous. so is there anything wrong with Anti-Joke fans and devotees? One of the lesser well Anti Jokes suggests that if you like them then you are slightly autistic yourself! I prefer to think is that we are immunized by conventional jokes and see Anti-Jokes as the antidote to the same old borings jokes. I just personally found them funny from the word go; my first one was "What did the farmer say who'd lost his tractor?" I don't like them all I don't like the more brutal ones which expose that many conventional jokes really have rather a nasty message.

A Man Walks into a Bar Anti Jokes List - (or anything else walks into a bar)

  1. A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?"

    The duck doesn't say anything because it's a duck

  2. A Man walks into a bar

    And gets drunk

  3. A Bore Walks into a Bar

    And finds many soul-mates

  4. Q) A Wild Boar runs into a bar

    A) Everyone panics while the barman calls Animal Rescue!

  5. Q) A duck walks into a Bar

    A) The local animal protection officials took it back to the park

Worst Ever Anti Joke

This section is kind of tough to organize as by definition anti jokes are are bad and heck it's everyone's point of view!

Q) Why did the Koala fall out of the tree

A) Because it was dead!

What's your favorite Non-Joke?

Do you love them?

Do You hate them?

Where were you when you heard your first Anti Joke.

I want to live in a world where a chicken can cross the road without having his motives questioned, don't you?

I do not have attention deficit disor...Ooh, look at the bunny!

And remember if you can't spell Armageddon it's not the end of the world!

Anti-Jokes Guestbook

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    • profile image

      TeamPretty 3 years ago

      @AstroGremlin: No cool fact :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Where did little Suzy go during the bombing? Everywhere

    • profile image

      Julia_Beatty 4 years ago

      What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

      Having a frog stapled to your face.

    • profile image

      Julia_Beatty 4 years ago

      What is blue and white and swings from the trees?

      A refrigerator in a denim jacket that lives in the jungle

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

      He was hit by a truck

      Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

      He was dead.

      Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

      He was staples to the first monkey.

      Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

      Peer pressure.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Why was the blonde angry?

      ....orange.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Knock knock.

      Dave.

      Dave who?

      Dave sits in a corner and proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's progresses to the point where she can no longer remember him.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      what's brown and sticky?

      a stick

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Knock knock

      Who's there?

      Surrealist

      Surrealist who?

      Fish

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Knock knock

      Who's there?

      Alzheimer's patient

      Alzheimer's patient who?

      Who's there/

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Knock knock

      Who's there?

      Surrealist

      Surrealist who?

      Fish

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: that is horrible, hilarious but possibly the saddest thing i have ever heard

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Did you hear about the man who got his left side cut off?

      It's ok he's all right now.

    • thesuccess2 profile image
      Author

      thesuccess2 4 years ago

      @miaponzo: I was stunned the first time I heard one!

    • profile image

      miaponzo 4 years ago

      You know? I think Anti Jokes are funnier than regular jokes.. :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Not really anti joke

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      A man walked into a bar...

      Ouch.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Why did little jimmy cry so much

      Because he had no eye lids

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Q) What did the apple say to the orange.

      A) Nothing,fruit can't talk

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Q) what's white and is In a tree

      A) a refrigerator

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: why did John fall of the swing?

      Well Sally didn't push him!

      What did Sally get for Christmas?

      I don't know she couldn't open it!

      Why didn't Sally go to the party?

      She couldn't open her invitation!

      What did Sally do when she went to the park?

      Well she didn't go on the monkey bars!!

      Lol im obsessed

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: i almost peed at that one!

    • AstroGremlin profile image

      AstroGremlin 4 years ago

      @anonymous: My favorite! "no longer can remember who Dave is." yes grandmother has dementia yes haha lol Check out my blog for humor about secret agent training in your home.

    • AstroGremlin profile image

      AstroGremlin 4 years ago

      Did you know that the word "gullible" is NOT in the dictionary?

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Have you seen hellers kelers boy friend?

      Neither has she

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      did you know helen keller had a swing??

      neither did she

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Books are awesome... I can't read.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      A black guy and a Mexican are in a car who's driving???

      The cops

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: dood i was going to do that one. D: but its ok it makes me grin :D

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Speaking of bar related anti jokes;

      Have you heard the one about the baby harp seal that walked into a club?

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Laughing so hard right now it's so mean yet so funny.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      My favorite anti-joke is probably this:

      Why did Suzy fall out of the swing?

      She didn't have any arms!

      Knock knock

      Who's there?

      Not Suzy!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Roses are Red

      Violets are Blue

      That's what they tell me

      because I'm blind.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      What's black and white and eats like a horse?

      A zebra

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Why can't squirrels testify in court?

      Because they're squirrels.

      Any time I read an anti-joke I start laughing so hard that I start crying.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      What happened to the girl that crashed her moms car

      She died

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      What do you call a black man who sells drugs?

      A pharmacist.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: what did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas?

      cancer

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Why did Bobby drop his ice cream cone?

      Because he got hit by a bus

      Why did Sally fall of the swing?

      Because she had no arms

      Knock Knock

      Who's there

      Not Sally

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      why did the first monkey fall out of the tree?

      because he was dead.

      why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

      because he was dead.

      why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

      peer pressure.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      What's brown and fluffy and goes up and down?

      A kiwi fruit on a forklift

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Knock knock,

      Who's there,

      Jehovas whitnes

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      what do you call a guy holding a rake wearing a poncho and don't understands english cuse i don't under stand his name tag.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      ya this is soo strange

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Eve was standing in the garden of Eden, close to the tree of good and evil one day.

      A snake came to her and sayed 'do you see that tree of good and evil?'.

      Eve walked away because she doesn't talk to snakes.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: think i just pooped a little laughing at that one!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      What is big and yellowish-green at midnight?

      I don't know.

      That's why I'm asking you.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      why did sally fall off the swing

      she had no arms

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: wow, that was literally an anti joke. it wasn't funny. ha.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Roses are grey

      Violets are grey

      i am a dog.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Knock, Knock!

      Come in!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Knock, knock!

      Who's there?

      Boo!

      Sorry, i don't know anyone by that name. Please go away.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Wrong, 6 wasn't afraid of 7. Numbers are not sentient thus incapable of feeling fear. Dah!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Why is six afraid of seven?

      Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

      Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Q) What is the difference between a joke and an anti-joke?

      A) There really isn't a consistent definition

    • Normyo Yonormyo profile image

      Normyo Yonormyo 5 years ago

      @DaveHiggsVis: That "what is white" question is a great one, because you can always give a different anwer if someone gives an answer. Something like:

      Q What is yellow and stands on one leg?

      A A glass of Dutch eggnog.

      Q What is yellow and stands on two legs?

      Most people will now answer: Two glasses of Dutch eggnog.

      But know you have two possible answer:

      No a canary bird or a canary bird on one leg and a glass of Dutch eggnog.

      The more legs you put into the question, the less likely someone can give the right answer.

      How about that for an anti-joke?

    • Normyo Yonormyo profile image

      Normyo Yonormyo 5 years ago

      Some anti-jokes do make me think of paraprosdokian scentences.

      https://hubpages.com/entertainment/paraprosdokian-

      She gets her beauty from her father, he's a plastic surgeon.

    • Normyo Yonormyo profile image

      Normyo Yonormyo 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I always thought that you would call a headless cow dead.

      And if I ate a cake I should have less hunger.

      But who cares what the answers should be, as long as we keep laughing and have fun with anti-jokes.

    • Normyo Yonormyo profile image

      Normyo Yonormyo 5 years ago

      Well that made me laugh. Good to know that anti-jokes are a world wide phenomenon. Some even get translated into other languages, for example the chicken crossing the road. That joke must have a common appeal to all humans that it even is funny in Dutch.

    • profile image

      DaveMurphy 5 years ago

      Anti Jokes are brilliant, have you seen https://twitter.com/AntiJokeCat/ ?

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Q: What is funnier than a man in a wheelchair?

      A: A lot of things.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: My fridge is stainless steel. It's grey. But good joke! LOL!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      The Purple Wombat

      Billy was a normal kid. Except for one thing. All of his "friends" made fun of him because he didn't know what one stupid thing was. It was called the purple wombat. They wouldn't tell him what it was. One day when billy went to school, his teacher asked him what was wrong. He replied, "All of the other kids make fun of me because I don't know what the purple wombat is." "You don't know what the purple wombat is? Go to the principal's office right now!" she yelled. Billy walked down that hall to the principals office, confused. When he got there, the principal asked him what happened. He said, "People have been making fun of me, because I don't know what the stupid purple wombat is." The principal said, "You don't know what the purple wombat is? Get out of this school right now, and consider yourself expelled!" Billy walked home, crying. When he got home, his mother asked what was wrong. "Everyone has been being so mean to me because I don't know what the purple wombat is, he answered. "You don't know what the purple wombat is? Go to your room right now!, she screamed. Billy was crying the whole time, until his father came home. He came into his room, and asked why he was crying. He said, "People have been making fun of me and being mean to me, just because I don't know what the purple wombat is. Billy knew what he was expecting. "You don't know what the purple wombat is? You will stay in this room for the rest of the night, and forget about dinner!, yelled Billy's father, leaving the room. The next day, Billy went outside. He heard a voice coming from the woods. "Billy, I am the purple wombat. Come here." Billy went into the woods and started walking. "Billy I am the purple wombat you are getting closer." Billy finally came to a pond and heard, "Billy, I am the purple wombat. You are so close." The sound seemed to be coming from the middle of the pond, so he grabbed a wooden boat on the edge of the water, and started paddling. He finally got to the middle. "Billy, I am the purple wombat. You are here. The voice was coming from right above his head. Billy tried to look up, but the boat tipped over, leaving Billy in the water. Billy didn't know how to swim, so he drowned.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Q: Why did Joey fall of the swing?

      A: Because he was shot by a clown.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: That is the absolute FUNNIEST joke I've ever heard! Post more!!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Q: What did the British man, the American man, the Chinese man, and the Hispanic man all have in common?

      A: The all enjoyed cantaloupe.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Q: Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

      A: Because he got hit by a bus.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Q: Why did the baby cross the road?

      A: Because it was stapled to the chicken.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?" The horse replies, "My entire family just died in a car crash."

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Good One!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Q:what is the difference between an eagle and a groundhog

      A:they bothe live underground, except for the eagle.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Q: What part of a Vegetable can you NOT eat?

      A: his wheelchair.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      (these qeutions go together) why did the first monkey fall out of the tree...it was dead. why did the second monkey fall out of the tree...it was stapled to the first. why did the third monkey fall out of the tree...he thought it was a game. why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree...it had no arms. why did the little girl fall off her bike...she got hit by three monkeys and a refrigerator. yes no school yes haha lol

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Roses are purple

      Fidges are blue,

      Now I'm confused,

      Toaster.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Why did Suzie fall out of the tree?

      Because she had no arms.........

      Knock-knock

      Who's there?

      Not Suzie

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: LOL LOL LOL LOL

      Loveeeeeee this

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

      To get to the other side!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @dogface lm: Why didn't billy drive the tractor?

      Billy has no legs

      Why doesn't billy have legs?

      Billy is a potato

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      what is has wheels but doesn't move.

      a lawn mower i lied about the part it doesn't move

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Q) Why did jimmy drop his ice cream? A) He got hit by a truck.

      Q) Knock Knock. Whos there? Not Jimmy...

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      heroow

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      jokesfunny 5 years ago

      Great jokes. I love dry, deadpan jokes. I love dry pans.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @goo2eyes lm: duh anti jokes are not jokes!!!!!

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Why did Jhonny fall off the swing?

      His father threw a fridge at him.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      The best non joke ever... Do you know why cuties are small? Because by marketing a smaller orange hybrid under the gimmick of cute, producers are able to sell consumers roughly one third of an orange at about five times the cost

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: LOL!!

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @DLeighAlexander: thats not even funny

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      A horse walks into a bar

      The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

      The horse says, "My wife has terminal cancer"

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      A horse walks into a bar.

      Everyone leaves realizing the danger.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      A polar bear and a seal are sitting on an ice floor. The polar bear looks at the seal and says "ARG!" then eats the seal.

      An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree watching a farmer. The owl looks at the squirrel and says nothing because owls can't talk. the owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      There's more to the koala falling out of the tree joke.

      Here's the full sequence:

      Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

      A: Because it was dead.

      Q: Why did the kangaroo drop dead?

      A: Because the koala fell on it.

      Q: Why did the tree fall down?

      A: Because the koala was tied to it.

    • Gypzeerose profile image

      Rose Jones 5 years ago

      I was right here when I heard my first non-joke! Thanks for bringing these to, angel blessed. I write a humor blog that I started when I had cancer, with the goal of boosting the immune system - so I truly value humor.

    • goo2eyes lm profile image

      goo2eyes lm 5 years ago

      what does a man-bee say when he comes home? hi, honey.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I was gonna put that one!!

    • GuyB LM profile image

      GuyB LM 5 years ago

      Why do monkeys smell like bananas?

      Because they eat them often. Monkeys actually hate bananas but are nothing but a big group of show offs because they have the ability to peel them while snakes and other animals do not have the necessary thumb skills.

      Monkeys are pompous fools

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: lol...

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      What is big and white and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

      A fridge

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      have u ever ate ethiopian food? neither have they

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Knock knock

      Who's there

      Dave

      Dave who

      Dave is now crying because his grandmother has severe Alzheimer's and no longer can remember who Dave is.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      q:what's the simalarity between an eagle and a dog

      A: they both have wings except for the dog