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Baby Boomer Jokes

Updated on September 19, 2015

Baby Boomer Jokes - Funny Stories About Old People

If you are a Baby Boomer and enjoy jokes about old people, you will find a great collection of them right here.

Unfortunately us Baby Boomers are now officially OLD! I know I am, having recently turned 60. Rather than just feeling down and old, let's embrace our reaching a significant milestone in our lives, and laugh all the way at the problems and excentricities that getting older can bring.

This collection contains some of the best Baby Boomer Jokes, Old People Jokes and funny stories about being a Senior that I have compiled over the years, until the point where I am now also unfortunately the subject of many of the jokes.

You see I am a Baby Boomer myself, and although I don't enjoy seeing my body growing old, I do see the funny side of growing older and love Baby Boomer Jokes. I hope that you do too.

Jokes about Old People are really popular and also really funny, as long as you can see the funny side of getting old. I hope you enjoy this great collection of Baby Boomer Jokes. I firmly believe that as you get older, it's important to laugh and to be able to look on the bright side of life.

Photo of the Old Folk courtesy of Pedro Ribeiro Simoes on Flickr.

This Could Be You Some Day

Origin Of The Jokes

A Disclaimer On The Copyright Of These Jokes

Sometimes people ask me "Where did you get these jokes?", and with copyright and plagiarism being rife on the internet these days I honestly can't say that I came up with them, although I did re-write some in the process of creating this page.

I have run a jokes and humor mailing list since the late 1990s, and most of the jokes that I use on my lenses have been circulating via email for years, and via word of mouth and other means for donkeys years before that. Some I even heard when I was a boy, and I bet they weren't new then either.

In most cases nobody knows who started a joke, or who has any ownership of a funny story. If I have used something that you know to be copyrighted, please let me know, and I will be pleased to credit it appropriately or to remove it if that is preferred.

Meantime, let's get back to the business of making people laugh...

On Growing Older

Baby boomers are hitting retirement age.

As we get older our health begins to deteriorate, and we become the butt of all kinds of jokes about old people and getting older. So what are we to do about it? Well I don't know about you, but I love old people jokes, and I am determined to keep on laughing up to the day I die.

Being born in the 1950s I am still not classified as officially "old" as in "ancient", but I am slowly and surely getting there, and being one of the Baby Boomer Generation, I am determined to not give up without a good laugh first.

The term BABY BOOMER is used to describe a person that was born between 1946 and 1964. Following World War II, both North America and Europe experienced an unusual spike in birth rates, with troops returning home from the war, changes in lifestyle, better health care etc. This phenomenon is commonly known as the baby boom.

Now that the Baby Boomers are starting to hit retirement age, this is causing concern for governments as regards their ability to fund healthcare and other needs as the percentage of the population that is officially old steadily increases.

It simply had to happen - we are all getting older, yet at the same time we are reluctant to let go of our youth. We are the generation that grew up with Woodstock and the Hippie years. We saw the introduction of the mini-skirt, the music and dance revolution of the 50s and 60s, and now us Baby Boomers are trying to hold on to our youth for as long as possible.

And so, you find men in their 60's sporting pony-tails and dressing like surfing-dudes, grandmothers wearing skirts so short and with skimpy tops that make even their children cringe, and a fortune being spent on revatilization products that will help us retain our youth, if only in outward appearance. This is the age of plastic surgery, Botox and a whole lot of other "solutions" for reducing the signs of ageing.

So welcome to OUR WORLD - the world of the Baby Boomer.

Getting older certainly has it's problems, but it also gives rise to plenty of jokes about getting old, ageing, the the problems people have dealing with it. This is what this lens is all about - BABY BOOMER JOKES.

I hope the jokes and stories you find on this page will help keep you smiling. Don't forget - smiling uses more facial muscles than frowning and helps prevent wrinkles!

You might be surprised as well at how many jokes there are about old people and peanuts, or tour buses and travel hiccups.

Now you just sit right down and enjoy the jokes. No No. Not that chair. That chair is far too low, you will never be able to get up again. How about this one instead? That's better. I hope it doesn't hurt your back... Sit up straight now, don't slump... Ok, now be quiet and concentrate on the jokes...

If like me you are concerned about working until you are into your 70's because you don't have enough to make ends meet unless you work, you might want to take a look at JSK Marketing which is a blog that has some very good ideas for adding to your income through the internet.

Rye Bread

A little bit naughty just to get things going.

A man who was clearly in his 80's had just finished his morning jog and he didn't even appear to be short of breath.

The 70 year old who was watching him was amazed at the man's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 80 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every single day. Rye bread helps keep your energy level high, and it also gives you great stamina with the ladies."

Well the 70 year old man was impressed, so on the way home he stopped at the bakery.

As he was looking around, the saleslady asked him if he needed any help.

He replied, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes we do, there is a whole shelf of it over there. Would you like me a get you some?"

He said, "Yes please, actually I would like five loaves."

"My goodness, five loaves!" she said. "By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

The man replied, "I can't believe that everybody knows about this but me!

Do You Enjoy Jokes About Getting Older? - Do you find jokes, funny pictures and videos about old people and their problems funny.

Do you enjoy jokes about old people and getting older?

See results

Texting For Seniors

Young people have their own language for texting, why not us old folks too!

Short codes are always handy when texting, and youngsters have a lot that they use all the time.

Here are some texting codes that are handy for us old 'uns to use:

  • ATD- At the Doctor's

  • BFF - Best Friends Funeral

  • BTW- Bring the Wheelchair

  • BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth

  • CBM- Covered by Medicare

  • CUATSC- See You at the Senior Center

  • DWI- Driving While Incontinent

  • FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

  • GGPBL- Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

  • GHA - Got Heartburn Again

  • HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement

  • LMDO- Laughing My Dentures Out

  • LOL- Living on Lipitor

  • OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas

  • TOT- Texting on Toilet

  • WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?

Baby Boomers - This is what we all have to look forward to. Watch the video - it's hilarious.

So How Old Are You? - Might I Ask You Old You Are.

Since this is a page about jokes that are related to old people and getting old, I wondered what brought you here, and how old you might be.

Lots of different people like jokes about old folk, so as well as letting me know your age, please feel free to leave a comment.

How old are you?

See results
Old lady drinking on a cruise ship scotch with two drops of water
Old lady drinking on a cruise ship scotch with two drops of water

Old Lady On A Cruise Ship

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.."

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming up," says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming right up," the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity, why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"

The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."

If My Body Was A Car

If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... but that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter ... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires !

c2003 Linda S Amstutz. You can read more of Ms Amstutz's humor at www.anotherlinda.com

Aging With Grace

Aging is a fact of life. If we don't age we don't grow, we don't learn, we don't move past childish thoughts into adulthood. Once we reach adulthood if we don't age then we will never be able to claim elderly wisdom, we won't be able to claim that our wrinkles are simply laugh lines, and we won't have the joy and pleasure of seeing our children and grandchildren into adulthood.

The Prescription

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

Elderly People Crossing

Elderly People Crossing
Elderly People Crossing

The Amazing Frank Feldman

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer . Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too -- the perfect man! He never made a mistake No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. I just married his widow."

Baby Boomers Party Time 50's CD

A Different World - This is a cute slide show of 1950s kids set to Bucky Covington's "A Different World"

The New Alphabet (age-adjusted)

A is for Apple, and B is for Boat,

That used to be right, but now it won't float!

Age before Beauty is what we once said,

But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now A's for arthritis; B's the bad back,

C is the chest pains, perhaps cardiac?

D is for dental decay and decline,

E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!

F is for fissures and fluid retention,

G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;

I for incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L for libido, what happened to sex?

M is for memory, I forget what comes next.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!

P for prescription's, I have quite a few,

Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!

Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?

R for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,

T for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!

U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;

V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.

W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?

X is for X ray, and what might be found.

Y is another year I'm left here behind,

Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I've kept twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!.*

The Baby Boomer Generation Grows Up - If like me you are a baby boomer, this video should bring back some fond memories of days gone by.

Life Is A Test

Life's a test - and you're graded on a curve

At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.

  At age 12, success is...having friends.

    At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.

      At age 20, success is...having sex.

        At age 35, success is...having money.

        At age 50, success is...having money.

      At age 60, success is...having sex.

    At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.

  At age 75, success is...having friends.

At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants.

Car Theft

An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

Senior Scooter

Senior Scooter
Senior Scooter

Chocolate Chip Cookies

An elderly man lay dying in his bed.

In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand, shockingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

Baby Boomer Classics From The 60's

Drunk Old Lady

Getting old is tough. I hope you and I never end up this way...

Lost In Lowes

Two guys, one an old timer and the other a young man, are pushing their carts around Lowe's Building Supply when suddenly they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a

halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The old timer says... "Doesn't matter about mine --- let's both look for yours".

Most Old timers are helpful like that!

Baby Boomer Memories Of Years Gone By - Does this video bring back memories of growing up in the 1950s and 1960s for you?

Gas Problems

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

"Doctor I have this terrible problem with gas, I can't seem to stop farting. They never smell and are always silent but it's still a problem all the same. Believe it or not I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts stink terribly!"

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

The Boomer Century, 1946-2046 - How America's Most Influential Generation Changed Everything

The Definition Of Grandparents

What Is A Grandparent? (taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man grandmother.

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on "cracks."

They don't say, "Hurry up."

Grandparents don't have to be smart. But they have to answer questions like "Why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?"

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown-ups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

Always Wear Your Seat Belt

This old rancher in Montana hates wearing a seat belt, but one day he's driving on the highway with his wife and sees a state patrol car behind him.

He says to his wife, "Quick, take the wheel! I gotta put my seat belt on!"

So she does, and right then the patrolman pulls them over. He walks up to the car and says, "Say, I noticed you weren't wearing your seat belt."

The rancher says, "I was too, but you don't have to take my word for it- my wife here is a good Christian woman, ask her; she'll tell you the truth. She doesn't lie about anything."

The cop says to the wife, "So? How about it, ma'am?"

And the wife says: "I've been married to Buck for twenty years, officer, and one thing I've learned in all that time is this - you never argue with him when he's drunk."

Another Hearing Aid Joke

A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four hundred dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbour, 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

Peanuts

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?",

The old lady replied,? "We just love the chocolate around them."

It pays to be careful around old people.

Who Makes The Coffee

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

"HEBREWS"

Baby Boomer Progressive 70's - Progressive Rock Classics

A. A. A. D. D. - Classic Retirement Syndrome

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests itself:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the rubbish bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my chequebook off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye: they need to be watered.

I place the coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen table.

I realise that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the lounge where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

... The car isn't washed

... The bills aren't paid

... There is a warm can of coke sitting on the work surface

... The flowers don't have enough water

... There is still only one cheque in my chequebook

... I can't find the remote

... I can't find my glasses and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realise this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

You Are Getting Older When...

When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.

When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.

When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

You know you're getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

Your back goes out, but you stay home.

You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

Happy hour is a nap.

When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

Your idea of weightlifting is standing up.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

25 Signs That You Are Getting Old

1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

2. Your back goes out more than you do.

3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.

5. You are proud of your lawn mower.

6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.

7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

8. You sing along with the elevator music.

9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

13. You answer a question with, "Because I said so."

14. You send money to PBS.

15. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

16. You take a metal detector to the beach.

17. You know what the word "equity" means.

18. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

19. Your ears are hairier than your head.

20. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

21. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

22. You got cable for The Weather Channel.

23. You can go bowling without drinking.

24. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

25. People send you this list.

Keeping Busy When Retired

A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.

Wife: "What are you doing dear?"

Husband: "Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females"

Wife: "How do you know which gender they were?"

Husband: "Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone"

Lost In The Park

One day a police car pulled up to Grandmas house and Grandpa got out.

The police officer explained that this elderly gentlemen had said he was lost in the local park.

"Why, Harold, "said Grandma, "You've been going there for over 30 years! How on earth could you say you had got lost?"

Leaning close to Grandma so the police officer couldn't hear, he whispered, "I wasn't exactly lost. I was just too tired to walk home."

Recollections: a Baby Boomer's Memories of the Fabulous Fifties

Doing The Dishes

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.

She suddenly noticed that her mother had several

strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do

something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The Baby Boomer Diet - Body Ecology's Guide to Growing Younger: Anti-Aging Wisdom for Every Generation

Living Will

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a ³Living Will²

"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.

Nagging Mothers.....

Mothers look after us and care for us, but sometimes as we get older and are indeed old enough to take care of ourselves, Mothers still intervene in our lives - and often WAY TOO MUCH! This is one such story...

Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?

You're going out?

Yes.

With whom?

With a friend.

I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.

I didn't leave him. He left me!

You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybody and nobody.

I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?

I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.

There are lots of things that you did and I don't.

What are you hinting at?

Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.

You're going to stay the night with him?

What will your husband say if he finds out?

My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!

So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?

He's not a loser.

A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.

I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?

Poor children with such a mother.

Such as what?

With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.

ENOUGH !!

Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!

Now you're worried about the loser?

Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.

Goodbye, mother.

Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?

I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!

If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?

Feeling Old

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement home were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'You know Bob, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Bob replies, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really!!!? Like a newborn baby?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Hearing Aid

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a hearing aid that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor for a check up.

The doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Hospital Discharge

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.

However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said replied, 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Memory Loss

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?', he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?', she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?', she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment, then says, 'Where's my toast?'

Getting Married

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy :

'So I hear you are getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

New Girlfriend

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

Later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

Ice Cream Parlor

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Please Leave A Comment

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    • profile image

      Donna Cook 3 years ago

      As a certified baby boomer, I'm going to check out the book recommendations. They look very interesting through my trifocals.

    • TonyPayne profile image
      Author

      Tony Payne 4 years ago from Southampton, UK

      @CharMarie: Pleased you enjoyed the jokes.

    • CharMarie profile image

      CharMarie 4 years ago

      Cute lens! Thanks for sharing it!

    • rebecca-mathews1 profile image

      rebecca-mathews1 4 years ago

      great lens love it :)

    • Cynthia Haltom profile image

      Cynthia Haltom 4 years ago from Diamondhead

      Thanks for the laughs. I like your texting codes.

    • emailcash profile image

      emailcash 4 years ago

      Love your lens. Especially the baby boomer jokes.

      Lewis

    • JoleneBelmain profile image

      JoleneBelmain 4 years ago

      It's always great to have a laugh, it makes me feel all warm inside. Speaking of bay boomers, I have heard that this generation's baby boom is bigger than the one from WWII... that's pretty crazy when you think about it. Have a great day, and keep smiling :)

    • Steve Dizmon profile image

      Steve Dizmon 4 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Fun Lens. Thanks for the entertainment. Being a mere 65 it is, of course, difficult to identify with all this. LMDO

    • JPat1616 profile image

      JPat1616 4 years ago

      Love this lens...As a boomer myself...1960 I am always looking for a good joke to share with younger friends so they don't get the upper hand on me.

    • TonyPayne profile image
      Author

      Tony Payne 4 years ago from Southampton, UK

      @anonymous: Most of the jokes and other content I found in the public domain, most were sent to me by email or shared verbally over the years. Feel free to use them, and yes I do update this page as often as I can.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      This is absolutely great! I am also a Baby Boomer -- 1960. I work with seniors, as I own the Chilliwack franchise of Driving Miss Daisy. We are a personalized door-to-door service to seniors and people with disabilities. We accompany and assist them to wherever they need to go.

      I would love to use some of this material if it is alright with you. Do you update this page on a regular basis?

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I think its great that we can laugh at our growing age plus good on you for showing more links that are relevant to baby boomers.

    • Sylvestermouse profile image

      Cynthia Sylvestermouse 4 years ago from United States

      Wishing you a year of many new blessings starting with this one! Happy New Year!

    • clouda9 lm profile image

      clouda9 lm 4 years ago

      Oh lordy I needed a damn good laugh today...thanks!

    • David Stone1 profile image

      David Stone 4 years ago from New York City

      Good, full featured lens, coming at it from numerous angles. Plenty to chew on and to laugh at.

    • maryLuu profile image

      maryLuu 5 years ago

      :)))))))))))

    • Gypzeerose profile image

      Rose Jones 5 years ago

      You made my day. Lovely. Pinned on my humor board and blessed.

    • Annbulance2000 profile image

      Annbulance2000 5 years ago

      Had a good laff here! Liked the links to sites where you can learn how to earn online. Great lense thanks.

    • profile image

      JennaBaxton 5 years ago

      Very funny lens =)

    • JuserTM profile image

      JuserTM 5 years ago

      Awesome lens, great job!

    • profile image

      FashionMommy 5 years ago

      These are hilarious.

    • TonyPayne profile image
      Author

      Tony Payne 5 years ago from Southampton, UK

      @anonymous: Alas I have only written a handful of all the jokes that I have used, most of the ones here have been circulating on the internet for years and years. I have operated a jokes/humor mailing list since the mid 1990's, and have had a lot of these jokes for 10 years or more.

      I do update them to add my own bits and sometimes rewrite them, but the punchline is usually the same.

      Some are so good, they are fun to re-read when they next do the rounds, which is often every couple of years.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      did you write these jokes?

    • profile image

      GailMercedes 5 years ago

      Love this Squidoo hilarious but true. Added as post on my blog Senior Friend Finders http://memorykeepsakebox.blogspot.com/

    • TheJVilleKid profile image

      TheJVilleKid 5 years ago

      Awesome lens! Hope that I still have my sense of humor when I am in my twilight years!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Hi, I was just writing about some baby boomer concerns, and I needed a laugh break! "hold you water..." hahaha

    • profile image

      Carmichael32 5 years ago

      That "Old Fart" trucker hat you have listed is hilarious! I might pick that up for my dad as a joke.

    • LynetteBell profile image

      LynetteBell 5 years ago from Christchurch, New Zealand

      I loved it!

      I was just laughing about a couple of emails I received this morning. One with Golf Brooks singing about senior moments...the other about an old lady crossing the road and getting honked at. She hit the posh car and the guy's air bag exploded! Justice served!

    • Cari Kay 11 profile image

      Kay 5 years ago

      What a fun page. I laughed and laughed. Thanks for the smiles :)

    • cynthiannleighton profile image

      cynthiannleighton 5 years ago

      Thanks for a good laughing time. Fun lens. Good work for sure!

    • Millionairemomma profile image

      Millionairemomma 5 years ago

      Awesome lens! Great job!

    • profile image

      RuralFloridaLiving 5 years ago

      Lot of fun! I started my day with your lens....thank you!

    • marigoldina profile image

      Heather B 5 years ago

      You've got the funny bone, Tony - nothing to be done! ;-)

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Another great lens from you. Like Old Lady On A Cruise Ship.

      Thanks Poddy, nice lens.

    • cdcraftee profile image

      Christine Larsen 5 years ago from South Australia

      This was a lot of fun, Tony - thank you for helping the cause of creating upwardly mobile wrinkles around the mouth and eyes. Some of us 'golden oldies' have worked hard at this all our lives, and deeply appreciate a little help from our friends.

      Christine

    • curious0927 profile image

      curious0927 5 years ago

      These are all great! The Scooter with the toilet seat is really good! Bookmarked for return and more laughs! Thanks, you're a hoot! Blessed

    • pcgamehardware profile image

      pcgamehardware 5 years ago

      Your lens brought a big old smile on this old man... :)

      Thanks Poddy, nice lens.

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 5 years ago from Canada

      I have visited your Baby Boomer Jokes before but I am just back to sparkle this lens up a wee bit. Have a great week Poddy.

    • mjtaylor lm profile image

      mjtaylor lm 5 years ago

      hehehehehehehe ...not funny! ;)

    • mihgasper profile image

      Miha Gasper 5 years ago from Ljubljana, Slovenia, EU

      Thanks for good laugh!

    • MartieG profile image

      MartieG aka 'survivoryea' 5 years ago from Jersey Shore

      Loved this - as a 'Boomer' it all makes sense!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      LoL, these are Great!!! :D

    • profile image

      miaponzo 5 years ago

      Very funny!!!! Blessed!

    • kathysart profile image

      kathysart 5 years ago

      How come we all got older? Darn! Such a cute lens.. thumbs up and angel blessed.

    • profile image

      Ruthi 5 years ago

      I can relate to these; yes, I'm a boomer babe!

    • profile image

      redleafloans 5 years ago

      Hahaha... Awesome lens.. Really enjoyed it.. So funny...

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Stopped by for a quick look and could not stop reading, great lens.

    • EMangl profile image

      EMangl 5 years ago

      :-))

    • RhondaAlbom profile image

      Rhonda Albom 5 years ago from New Zealand

      Back for more laughs. Made a trade - I grabbed two funny jokes, one for each of my blogs today (linked back here on both) and left you a blessing. Thanks for the laughs. This is a great lens :)

    • Scarlettohairy profile image

      Peggy Hazelwood 6 years ago from Desert Southwest, U.S.A.

      Nice old jokes!

    • Redneck Lady Luck profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 6 years ago from Canada

      Poddy you have possibly everything that a baby boomer, senior citizen, or elderly person might want to seek out as a means of alleviating their aches, pains, and other senior accompanied complaints with. Thanks...I've been meaning to get over to your neck of the woods for awhile.

    • VBright profile image

      VBright 6 years ago

      This is great! One has to laugh about getting older. It beats the alternative!

    • LaraineRoses profile image

      Laraine Sims 6 years ago from Lake Country, B.C.

      Half way down the page I thought of something to tell you .. now I've forgot what it was. :D

      Well done, Tony. Purple star worthy!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Really really funny. Real cool lens! :)

    • Joan Haines profile image

      Joan Haines 6 years ago

      If you can't laugh about it, then you really are old.

    • nebby profile image

      nebby 6 years ago from USA

      I'm not sure that I am laughing because the jokes are funny or because I can relate to them. Hmmm.

    • profile image

      mrducksmrnot 6 years ago

      Laughing so hard that tears are running down my leg.

    • Virginia Allain profile image

      Virginia Allain 6 years ago from Central Florida

      I'm featuring this on my Baby Boomer Memories. Thanks for the laughs.

    • TapIn2U profile image

      TapIn2U 6 years ago

      Great lens! The jokes made me laugh. Took my stress away. Sundae ;-)

    • TonyPayne profile image
      Author

      Tony Payne 6 years ago from Southampton, UK

      @CCGAL: It doesn't seem to work. I removed it, it's pretty much redundant these days. Thanks for letting me know.

    • CCGAL profile image

      CCGAL 6 years ago

      Enjoyed this lens again ... tweeted it using your tweet button, but the number stayed at zero - that's peculiar. Thanks for the laughs this morning!

    • gypsyman27 lm profile image

      gypsyman27 lm 6 years ago

      As an aging Baby Boomer, I really appreciate this lens. Well done, now tell me what to do about getting older and having a body that malfunctions?:~) See you around the galaxy...

    • CruiseReady profile image

      CruiseReady 6 years ago from East Central Florida

      Some really cute jokes for baby boomers here .. I enjoyed the nagging mom one.

    • chezchazz profile image

      Chazz 6 years ago from New York

      Boomer and Proud of it!

    • TolovajWordsmith profile image

      Tolovaj Publishing House 6 years ago from Ljubljana

      I am not a babyboomer, but I am certainly growing older. And higher. My head is growing out of my hair:)

    • efriedman profile image

      efriedman 6 years ago

      Thank you. I have now learned that a grandfather is a "man grandmother". :-)

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Lensrolled to my "What's so Funny" lens. I also saved this as a Favorite. I love your lenses!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I just did an article about PBS so caught my eye that that's an indication of my aging. I remember when PBS was the only thing the rabbit ears on the tv could tune into :)

    • KarenHC profile image

      Karen 6 years ago from U.S.

      There were some great jokes here! I'm smack dab in the middle of the baby boomer generation, and don't feel "old" yet, but I can see that it's coming. And I just found out that I'm going to be a grandmother -- now THAT just vaulted me into the older generation!

    • profile image

      Davinius 6 years ago

      Absolutely brilliant I loved the lens.

      An elderly couple sitting in church during prayer, the old woman leans over to her husband and whispers "I just done a silent fart, what should I do"

      Her husband looks at her and says "change the batteries in your hearing aid dear"

      Brilliant lens truly brilliant.

    • annieangel1 profile image

      Ann 6 years ago from Yorkshire, England

      so good to come back for a dose of laughter - thanks Tony

    • norma-holt profile image

      norma-holt 6 years ago

      They say laughter is good medicine and I just had a massive dose. Still wiping away the tears. I am a senior so can relate to a lot of this,

    • katiecolette profile image

      katiecolette 6 years ago

      Great jokes!

    • jvsper63 profile image

      jvsper63 6 years ago

      I have been on this lens going from site to site laughing for over an hour. I sent it to facebook. This is great stuff. Now I know where to go when I need a pick me up..Great Terrific 5 stars..I've never did that before. But I figure I can here Love it!!!!

    • Violin-Student profile image

      Violin-Student 6 years ago

      Great lens. Many smiles, lots of laughs, some guffaws, and even a few snorts! Thanks for this page.

      -Art Haule

    • sorana lm profile image

      sorana lm 6 years ago

      Lol lol lol ... very funny. Can't stop laughing. Great lens.

    • profile image

      poutine 6 years ago

      Just came back to read more jokes.

    • ShariBerry profile image

      Sharon Berry 6 years ago from Michigan

      Omigosh, I'm laughing so hard I have tears rolling down my cheeks...Great, great lens, I totally enjoyed. Thank you.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I love the definitions of Grandparents - thanks for this lens and for reminding me to slow down every once in awhile!

    • profile image

      dessertlover 6 years ago

      Too cute! These are funny! Great job with this lens :)

    • RhondaAlbom profile image

      Rhonda Albom 6 years ago from New Zealand

      Another angel blessing for you from another baby boomer. This was great. Had two favorites, but I already forgot which they were. Be sure to add a link to this lens to my humor angel lens in the proper sub-sub category.

    • Ann Hinds profile image

      Ann Hinds 6 years ago from So Cal

      Because we are Boomers we have learned to laugh at ourselves. Thanks for the entertainment. Angel blessed.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Awesome reading, I really enjoyed the lens on Babyboomers

    • Sylvestermouse profile image

      Cynthia Sylvestermouse 6 years ago from United States

      LOL! These were awesome and a great way to start my day! I will be laughing at the unplugged tv for the rest of the day :) Thank you for adding laughter to my morning!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Lost in Lowe's is pretty funny. They are all great and unfortunately I can relate to way too many of them.

    • mariaamoroso profile image

      irenemaria 6 years ago from Sweden

      Ah Tony - everytime I go to your lenses I get a smile. I made a lens with only 10 jokes on and compared to yours it is just a little grin =)=) Thanks!

    • profile image

      Pete Schultz 6 years ago

      great humor, I am a baby boomer and understand each of the jokes....yet.

    • hayleylou lm profile image

      hayleylou lm 6 years ago

      So funny, thanks :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Thanks for the laughs, Tony. I enjoyed this.

    • kateloving profile image

      Kate Loving Shenk 6 years ago from Lancaster PA

      Very enjoyable! I too am a Boomer and dance people half my age under the table!!

    • spunkyduckling profile image

      spunkyduckling 6 years ago

      Great baby boomer jokes :) My mom loved the alpha bet one. Oh.. the first video is not working so you might want to get one that does work. Cheers :)

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      You made me laugh...great humor. Especially when you know all these by experience.

    • profile image

      RinchenChodron 6 years ago

      Congrats on your purple star! I can relate to the woman who was busy all day but never got anything done in the end. Very funny stuff.

    • profile image

      RinchenChodron 6 years ago

      I can relate to the story of the lady who starts to do something and keeps getting sidetracked by something else and at the end of the day knows she was busy all day but she got nothing done! Great lens - congrats on your purple star!

    • MargoPArrowsmith profile image

      MargoPArrowsmith 6 years ago

      Ya gotta laugh!

    • TonyPayne profile image
      Author

      Tony Payne 7 years ago from Southampton, UK

      @SusanDeppner: I do remember Susan, thanks so much for suggesting it. It's not been my most successful lens, but with some work I think I might be able to keep it as a Tier 2 lens for a while. I loved finding the jokes and other content for it.

    • profile image

      charity7 7 years ago

      I love this lens!!! I particularly liked the senior alphabet. You may want to delete the first video, it was terminated. I would have liked to have seen. I especially liked the video on baby boomer generation grows up. I favored this lens. I found you on the baby boomer's forum that I started.

    • SusanDeppner profile image

      Susan Deppner 7 years ago from Arkansas USA

      Do you remember that I asked you to make this lens? Returning all this time later to sprinkle with SquidAngel blessing dust because this baby boomer still loves to laugh and think everyone else should have the opportunity, too!

    • SquidooFanatic profile image

      SquidooFanatic 7 years ago

      thanks for the laughs

    • profile image

      WriterBuzz 7 years ago

      Very nice lens. Thanks. I gave you a thumbs up, because it's a nice lense.