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Craigslist tips

Updated on April 25, 2013

Laugh your ad off reading these oddball craigslist ads

The world is full of all sorts of interesting folks and Craigslist is a giant magnet drawing. I laugh every time I read these ads, especially the Train Enthusiast and Prank Monkey.

I hope you enjoy these as much as I have. Please share on Facebook and pass along to your friends.

I wonder if that guy on the train ever made contact with his "Crop Dusting Beauty" or if a woman actually went to Thanksgiving dinner with that other dude? I'll attempt a follow up lens on that-ha!

Thanksgiving Companion Needed

General MFW

Date: 2012-10-26, 7:41PM EDT

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In need of a single female who can pretend to be my fiance this Thanksgiving. You will come with me to my parent's house for dinner and spend the night (no funny business unless you're interested). I need to convince my family that I have a girlfriend so they will get off my case! I told them you are a dolphin trainer at the Baltimore aquarium and we met at one of your dolphin shows. There are going to be a TON of marine related questions so do your homework. My uncle Lou fancy's himself an expert on sea animals so stay away from him unless you are really prepared. I also said you have a lisp (which you are sensitive about) and that you grew up in a foster home and didn't learn to read until you were in the 5th grade. Please help. Reply back with "Dolphin Lisperer" in subject line so I know you are legit. You are guaranteed a turkey dinner and possibly some leftovers.

Webinar Prankster Wanted

General

Date: 2011-12-8, 6:08PM EDT

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My department is having this HUGE conference call on Wednesday and I want a prank monkey to call in (I will provide you with the call in number and passcode). I will be listening to the call with my boss and a few others so they know it won't be me saying this stuff. After this guy named Bill is done talking I want you to yell, "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard" followed by "Why don't we just double it and cut it in half again jackass!" If the call is still going on, feel free to yell out "You coward" and/or "Why don't you sleep with Tina again you creep" Once you get that final blow in there, I guarantee the conference call will grind to a halt. If asked who is saying this stuff, you reply, Mark Dunbar. Thanks a bunch! Send me a response so we can rehearse and I can give you the dial in numbers.

Train Enthusiast Seeks Loose Caboose

Personal: Casual Encounters MFW

Date: 2012-07-26, 10:38PM EDT

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

SWM 45 yr old looking for a SWF who is as excited about trains as me. You can blow my train whistle all night. I am currently in the process of installing a mini-train track in my house ala "Silver Spoons." Must be able to carry on a highly involved conversation about the history of model trains. Type "Railway Skank" into the subject line so I know you are serious and not wasting my time. Don't waste my time with nonsense-send me a hot pic and then I'll send you a list of train related questions to test my future mate's knowledge.

Doomsday Preppers Needed

General

Date: 2011-08-09, 8:38AM EDT

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In search of at least 3 people spread throughout Dallas/Ft Worth who are heavily prepared for upcoming apocalypse. I was going to start prepping but thought it would be much easier to side up with people who have already done the hard work. I prefer kosher food but am willing to eat what is available under extreme circumstances. You must have powerful generators so we can watch my dvd's and play video games. If I have a choice, I want to mooch off a prepper who has a guest room set up in some type of fortified bunker with 3-5 years of supplies for me. I don't have much money to give but I am a cool guy that won't cause a lot of trouble when the sh*t hits the fan. Type "Prepper Mooch" in subject line on the reply. Again, non-kosher not a huge deal but it would be great if you could stock up for me. Thanks.

50 year anniversary surprise-Taste the Rainbow

Miscellaneous: Senior Fetish

Celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary-want to surprise hubby with his big birthday wish. In case you don't know what TTR (taste the rainbow) is, it's when you chew a mouthful of skittles and spit them into your lover's mouth in an erotic fashion. I have dentures and the thought of trying to chew skittles gives me nightmares. I am in search of a middle aged woman (preferably Asian) to chew a pack of skittles (tropical brand ok) and then spit them into my mouth which I will then transfer to my husband's mouth. Hubby will be on knees in leather outfit probably wimpering like the coward he is.

It's been a great 50 years and we want to celebrate our love properly. My grandkids said this is the best place to find people for this type of thing so please respond. Computer has been slow and I am a hunt and peck typist so may take a few days to responds.

Looking for my crop dusting beauty

Missed Connections

Date: 2012-07-26, 10:40PM EDT

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You were on the R5 this morning wearing a red dress and you have black hair. On the way off the train I heard you fart and could instantly smell it. You hurried your pace similar to a criminal fleeing the scene of a crime. I was not at all offended by this act and would appreciate it if you get in touch with me. If you know a woman similar to the description, please forward this to her as I am desperate to get in touch. Type "Lil' Stinker" in subject line if you can help. Thanks.

Funniest books on the planet - You probably never heard of these but they are all hysterical

Huge Garage Sale!

Heres the deal: you come to my house; go through my garage and pay for what you want and take the rest (at a discounted price) to do as you please. I will be here to supervise and my 4 year old will bark orders at you. If you find something we like, you can't have it. Nothing will be set up for you. Our garage is a mess so you will need to sift through everything. The easiest thing would be to bring a truck, give us about $1500 and take all of this crap out of here. Put "Picker Bozo" in subject line so I know u are for real.

Single woman seeking loser

Personal: Casual Encounter

Ok, since this is type of guy I end up with anyways, I might as well ask for it. I am looking for an unemployed man to share home for nsa relationship. Zero ambition a bonus, prefer a guy with an unnatural interest in video games. Drinking problem is ok, if non-drinker-you must have surly and unpredictable attitude. Poor credit and copious amounts of debt preferred-willing to get your financial life in order. Absolutely cannot get along with my mother. Thanks in advance you jerks!!!!!

Soda Fanatic Seeks Buddy

Strictly Platonic

Date: 2012-03-2, 2:21PM EDT

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Picking up a case of Pepsi after work if anybody wants to hang out. I would suggest you bring at least a fridge pack for yourself just in case my brother shows up. We typically stack up the empties on an old stump and throw rocks to knock them off. A personality is a plus, but the ability to guzzle sodas is a must. Soda rules

Electrician Wanted

Services Wanted

Need an electrician to put in dedicated outlet into garage for sump pump. Don't have much money so willing to barter whatever is in our freezer the day you come out. Also willing to vacuum your car as payment. Reply back with "Electric Queer" in subject line so I know we are on the same page.

Got Cleft?

Personal Section: Casual Encounters

Date: 2012-07-26, 10:38PM EDT

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello, I am looking for a light skinned black woman with cleft palate for a long term relationship. I enjoy bowling, playing with my yo-yo, puppets and trading cards. Would like to have a coffee first to see if we like each other. If we are compatible, then we can discuss engaging in some vigorous intercourse followed by television watching.

Location: Philadelphia

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

People who leave comments get laid more often - Leave me a comment

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    • ladyguitarpicker profile image

      stella vadakin 3 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

      Craigslist is too stupid but funny.

    • mrinfo10 lm profile image

      mrinfo10 lm 3 years ago

      Honestly, I can believe every one of these. I generally stay away from sitcoms and comedies and prefer real life stuff...it's much funnier!

    • profile image

      glogherardi 3 years ago

      Love it. Specially from your point of view.

    • Melissa Miotke profile image

      Melissa Miotke 4 years ago from Arizona

      I have spent several hours reading through Craigslist. It's amazing some of the funny stuff you come across. What are people thinking?

    • thesuccess2 profile image

      thesuccess2 5 years ago

      LOL

    • profile image

      the777group lm 5 years ago

      Loved it!

    • NausetViews profile image

      Kristen 5 years ago from Boston

      Thanks for the laugh!

    • WriterJanis2 profile image

      WriterJanis2 5 years ago

      This lens is so fun!

    • profile image

      CapnFatz 5 years ago

      Awesome stuff

    • craiger-m profile image

      The Hatter 5 years ago from Great Britain

      Very funny!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Hey!!! You can't be using MY Craigs list ads like that without my permission. I labored long and hard over all three of them.

    • kburns421 lm profile image

      kburns421 lm 5 years ago

      Haha I love the first one. "There are going to be a TON of marine related questions so do your homework." Not to mention all the other details. Funny stuff.

    • bensen32 lm profile image

      bensen32 lm 5 years ago

      LOL these cant be real can they? Thats to funny. Think I will have to head to craigslist for a few laughs.

    • SgtCecil profile image

      Cecil Kenmill 5 years ago from Osaka, Japan

      These are hilarious! How did you find these? The 2nd one is the funniest.