Emily The Bachelorette Ep 8: Hometown Hooplah
It's Time To Do Some Drinking
Chris In Chi-Town
Emily prefaced this date with “I totally see myself falling in love with Chris.” That doesn’t sound too promising, especially when you compare how she described her other suitors, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.
Chris took her to a Polish restaurant where she downed half a beer and a salad, from what I could see. I guess that’s not really her style of cuisine. Prophesy #1, perhaps? Chris built up his sister, Renee, to be some sort of Gitmo-level interrogator. Unfortunately, she was a lot more vanilla and only asked Emily to dump Chris sooner than later if she wasn’t totally into him. Prophesy #2, perhaps?
Chris’s family was extremely normal, and nothing that spectacular happened. Chris’s dad, who may have had a little crush on the “stunning” bachelorette, clued Emily in on his son’s feeling. Unfortunately, we still had to endure Chris awkwardly shaking his head and dropping the L-bomb on her in his driveway. How very high school.
I was shocked to discover that Campbell Scott is not, in fact, Chris’s father. I may have to put a call into Maury about that one…
Let's Get Serious
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Jef’s Journey In Utah
Emily arrived in Utah expecting Big City Jef (no idea why she considers him such, but then again I also don’t understand what she sees in him at all) to show her the neon lights of St. George, Utah. Instead, she was whisked away to his family’s ranch to shoot guns and drink lemonade.
Apparently, Jef forgot that Emily is from West Virginia, so she knows her way around a rifle. I think he’d do best not to get too sassy with her. I’m willing to bet that Emily could destroy Jef and his skinny jeans in any kind of fight.
Not to harp on this, but Jef’s parents’ sabbatical in South Carolina was brought up again. To add sketchiness to suspicion, Jef’s comment was clearly edited and someone made him say they were doing “charity work” in the Palmetto State. Will we ever crack the code?
Emily couldn’t get over how many people were in his family….ahem, Mormon?...and how much weight their opinions had on Jef’s decision. They kept probing her about her “morals” and “values.” There was something creepily tribal about the whole thing.
I guess she enjoyed drinking the Kool-Aid, because she called the whole date “perfect” and declared she would move to Utah in a heartbeat, even though that was her first time there. We shall see.
Arie arrived at the date in his sponsor-decorated racecar. Join the National Guard now! Emily ate up every second of their time on the track, and claimed he’s the only one she trusts with her life. Then she should probably send the other guys home now—isn’t that what she yelled at Brad for back in the day? I digress.
Arie warned Emily that his parents are “very European,” which had me thinking they were going to be naked and eating grapes when they arrived (I have no idea what kind of stereotype that is). Instead, his mother decided to lead a family discussion about Emily in Dutch. Awkward. According to Arie’s translation, the conversation was innocuous, which made it seem a little prompted—or Arie is a huge liar.
Arie’s mother led Emily to a back bedroom to have a deep discussion, and I thought things might get a little “European” if ya know what I mean…(once again, I do not). Apparently, this lovely Dutch lady is a fan of the Bachelor series, and took to asking Chris Harrison-style questions about the Brad situation. Emily gave the “morals and values” reason she conjured up in Utah and all was laid to rest. Meanwhile, Arie’s dad gave his seal of approval by calling Emily “pretty” and “nice”—really pulling out the big guns, buddy!
Arie told his father that he is ready to propose and marry Emily. This keeps coming up, which either means he wins, or we’re about to witness another amazing breakdown!
You Taste Like Boring
Sean’s Version Of Dallas
Sean is an interesting character. Emily feels like there are no secrets to “dig up” on him, but that’s usually when you find out the person is a complete psychopath. He decided to pull a prank on Emily (there’s one in almost every season), and tell her that he lived at home with his parents. She put on her best polite face and followed him to his bedroom. In it she found a typical “Failure to Launch” situation, complete with stuffed animals and cookies sprayed all over the room. His comment “I wish my mom had cleaned up better” was pretty classic. This is the first time we’ve seen a glimmer of a personality in this guy.
The other pleasant discovery was Sean’s dad. He seems like the sweetest little Texas man (not to be condescending). It was interesting that Emily seemed the saddest to leave Sean. I think he is her perfect type on paper. He’s good looking, has a good job, and a pretty bland personality. The fact that he lives in Dallas works to his advantage, as well. I think she wants to be in love with him, but there seems to be something a little amiss.
Why Does Everything Have To Be So Complicated?
Chris Turns Into A Crazy Woman…Again
Emily claimed this was the hardest rose ceremony so far, which makes sense, except Chris was obviously the weakest in the pack. As he was escorted to the door, the other guys couldn’t help but smile. Obviously, they were excited to be moving onto the next round (Fantasy Suite, anyone) but also they were probably tired of hearing Chris cry about everything.
Chris and Emily went outside to have the break-up discussion, and he let his insecurities run wild. He used the classic “What’s wrong with me?” drivel and then his ego kicked in to save some face. He directed his anger at the other guys and declared himself to be 10 times the man any of those fools are. If Emily isn’t careful, he will be driving by her house blaring Avril Lavigne songs at 2 AM. Thanks for the laughter, Crazy Chris!
“I just want her to hold a gun all day long.”—Jef (I don’t think that’s very Christian like.)
“Since our parents aren’t around, I’ve assumed the role of older brother.”—Jef’s OLDER BROTHER (What was he doing when they were around? Assuming the role of younger sister?)
Most Likely To Be Invited Into The Boom Boom Room