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Funny Birthday Quotes for Women

Updated on July 3, 2014

Funny Birthdays Wishes & Funny Birthday Sayings

Finding the perfect birthday messages or funny birthday quotes for women to write in their birthday card can prove more difficult than choosing the card itself. If you know someone who is getting to the age they wished that their age would start going backwards, then there is nothing more special than the gift of laughter. So spread the joy on their special day, with some funny birthday messages. If you are looking for some happy birthday quotes for brightening up someones special day, find here some of the favorite hilarious and funny birthday messages and wishes.

If you are making your own greetings cards, these happy birthday quotes will be sure to brighten up the inside and bring delight to the recipient.

or as Robert Frost said

"Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty..."

Funny Birthday Quotes for women - ....great to use any time of year!

Happy Birthday party decorations
Happy Birthday party decorations

Funny Birthday Messages

for the ladies

As a family we have always sent each other silly and funny birthday cards, this all started way back with my father...I remember one year he forgot my Mothers Birthday, and he quickly turned round and said to "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older, dear?" Well, for years we have laughed over this, and one year when he bought (on his way home from the pub and rather intoxicated) congratulations on the "birth of your Baby Boy", and his excuse was it was expensive, this did indeed start our family looking for the funniest cards and saying we could find.

I mean

"What have you got to lose at your age? Other than hair, hearing, eyesight, flexibility, memory..."

Browse online for a a huge selection of birthday party decorations
Browse online for a a huge selection of birthday party decorations

Funny birthday messages sayings & Poems

hilarious birthday messages

These are poems I have used in cards, and as I find more I will add them, so be sure to visit back.

Forget about the past, you can't change it.

Forget about the future, you can't predict it.

Forget about the present, I didn't get you one."

- Unknown


"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."

- Mark Twain


"They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body."

- Unknown


"I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do."

- Phyllis Diller


We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it

~Author Unknown


You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. (change as appropriate)

~Author Unknown


Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

~Larry Lorenzoni


I like my bifocals,

my dentures fit me fine,

my hearing aid is perfect,

but Lord I miss my mind!


finally got your head together, and now your body is falling apart


There is a world record that

I think that you will break

Some time in the next few years -

It's "candles on a cake."


You've had many many birthdays,

Too many for me to mention,

But there are still one or two more

Before you start to draw your pension.


Sometimes the best things in life happen after you've done what you're "supposed" to do and are free to follow your dreams

Funny Happy Birthday Songs - Make your own Happy Birthday video message movie

Why not send your friend or loved one a video card, or make a funny movie of them using this Movie maker, it is so easy to use, choose the characters, type in what you want them to say and publish it, it is so easy see more over @Xtranormal

Remember to get you Birthday Party Decorations

You can Browse a huge selection of Birthday Party Supplies and decorations online with FREE shipping!

@Happy Birthday decorations

The Best Chocolate Birthday Cake Ever

...everybody loves a chocolate cake, our favourite too

The product description says it all for this cake says "The ultimate essence of chocolate. Moist and rich chocolate cake baked with chocolate chips and cream cheese, then covered with a sensuous velvety smooth Belgian Chocolate Glaze. This delicious cake has been our best seller for over 25 years. 7 inch cake serves 6-10. " Even the customer reviews just want you to Buy this Happy Birthday Cake NOW

Happy Birthday Chocolate Euphoria Cake

Cute and Funny Birthday Poems

My friend loves putting in a tea bag and sticking it on the card and saying "have a drink on me" .....

A well-adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she's going to exchange it for


I never forget my wife's birthday. It's usually the day after she reminds me about it.


A birthday is just another 365 days around the sun. Enjoy the trip.


Forget about the past, you can't change it,

Forget about the future, you can't predict it,

Forget about the present, I didn't get you one!

Broken Heat quotes and Sayings - Breakup Quotes

Break up Quotes to ease the pain...

All About angels

I believe in Angels so Come with me on a beautiful spiritual journey and find out all about angels. Angels give us a feeling of inner spirituality, comfort..

Pictures of Flowers with Quotes

You will find here a collection of beautiful Pictures of Flowers, with quotes...

Funny birthday Quotes and Messages for WomenFinding the perfect birthday messages or funny birthday quotes for women to write in their birthday card can prove more difficult than choosing the card itself....

Pictures of Pink flowers with Quotes

If you are looking for beautiful Pink flower Pictures, and pictures of flowers with quotes then you have came to the right page..

Do you have a funny birthday message - Quote or saying you'd like to share

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    • profile image


      4 years ago

      This is a good way to please someone.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      helpful message for birthday thanks one again. @service_fixer1

    • profile image

      jseven lm 

      5 years ago

      Thanks for a helpful lens with plenty of good birthday messages! :)

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      nice birthday quotes i'll like to add your lens in my list.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      We are at the perfect age, somewhere between sweet sixteen and "non of your business"!

    • Virginia Allain profile image

      Virginia Allain 

      5 years ago from Central Florida

      I have a hard time thinking up something cute to put in a card. These will come in handy with the next birthday I need a card for.

    • babynstar profile image


      5 years ago

      Love it!

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      Ah, I suppose getting older is better than the alternative - fun lens! Blessed by a SquidAngel!

    • John Dyhouse profile image

      John Dyhouse 

      5 years ago from UK

      Enjoyed a great laugh at these humerous and silly quotes

    • RaintreeAnnie profile image


      5 years ago from UK

      Hilarious, I loved it :) Very funny quotes.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      wow... very funny quotes. thanks a lot

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      âLife is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it,

      but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get." - Robbert Oustin

      -haha!! :)

    • LisaAuch1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Lisa Auch 

      6 years ago from Scotland

      @PaigSr: My birthday always falls around the Easter holidays so the only bad thing is I get lots of nearly out of date easter eggs for my birthday but at least we are always on holiday :)

    • Gypzeerose profile image

      Rose Jones 

      6 years ago

      Really nice lens, you have a great niche here, every woman has a birthday!

    • PaigSr profile image


      6 years ago from State of Confusion

      Growing up my sister always got her birthday off from school because it fell on a national holiday. Its so unfair.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      and so this was a very good lens.. glad to read this lens. like!

    • Onemargaret LM profile image

      Onemargaret LM 

      6 years ago

      Love this lens!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Awesome lens, well done! Thumbs up

    • LynetteBell profile image


      6 years ago from Christchurch, New Zealand

      What fun!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      It always amazes me how people come up with these funny birthday quotes. As a general rule, I like to give funny birthday cards to people. Loved some of these and got a laugh out of me on a couple too.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Happy birthday mrs Sykes!;)

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Thanks for putting this up as many times I just can't find the right words to share someone's joy on their special day.

    • Virginia Allain profile image

      Virginia Allain 

      6 years ago from Central Florida

      I like to make my own cards with my scrapbooking supplies. These funny sayings would be great for that.

    • Rangoon House profile image


      6 years ago from Australia

      So funny!

    • DIY Mary profile image

      DIY Mary 

      6 years ago

      You've got a nice collection of quotes. They're great for "annual 29th birthday" parties!

    • Gayle Mclaughlin profile image


      6 years ago from McLaughlin

      I am absolutely terrible coming up with funny sayings for birthdays. Your article will help me!

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 

      6 years ago from Canada

      Happy birthday to you...happy birthday to you...happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday to you. And of course the very best of wishes for many more. Have a great birthday.

    • gottaloveit2 profile image


      7 years ago

      That chocolate cake loos way tooooo good. Wish I hadn't seen it!

    • sousababy profile image


      7 years ago

      Some really good ones here - great for personalizing a birthday card. Thanks for sharing, Rose

    • ColorPetGifts profile image


      7 years ago

      These are really fun birthday messages; I'll be sure to return as birthdays come up :)

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      lovely.. Thanks..

    • katiecolette profile image


      7 years ago

      Love the "forget about the present, I didn't get you one" :) I will have to use it for someone!

    • anaamhussain profile image


      7 years ago

      Haha what a totally great lens :D

    • LouiseKirkpatrick profile image


      7 years ago from Berkshire, United Kingdom

      I love helpful lenses - I'm always stuck for witty things to write in cards!! Blessed by this Squid Angel as part of the "Back To School Bus Trip"!

    • DuaneJ profile image


      7 years ago

      Fun lens....nice quotes!

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Love reading funny lenses. I get to smile.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Loved the quotes..... "The birth of a new day is a birthday" - Cheers! Live long and God bless, keep well. :)

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      That video got me laughing and I love your friends, "have a drink on me idea" what fun. Well chosen birthday quotes for women to enjoy!

    • CruiseReady profile image


      7 years ago from East Central Florida

      Very cute story about your mom and dad, and a fun lens in general.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I love this message- "Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."

      - Mark Twain

      Nice lens.

    • justholidays profile image


      7 years ago

      I was happy when I arrived on my 40th... now I just would say that I fear my birthday date, lol.

    • auntjennie profile image


      7 years ago from Canada

      I thought the stories about your dad and mom were cute. Sounds like card giving with your family can be really fun.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Age is just making time for wisdom and experience.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Since they Only Come Once a Year, I say make the Most of them!!!


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