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A Funny Human Cloning Experiment: Some Wonderful Things I Wish People Had

Updated on April 29, 2012

I am always imagining things. Even when I don’t want to, it still happens. Something to do with my highly imaginative and restless Gemini nature. Sometimes the things I come up with makes me afraid because they could be so so odd, sometimes I have no other recourse than to laugh out but mind you, I am always careful when I laugh out because I don’t want some other person around to adjudge me mad there and then! It’s like my mind is flying about at a rate so difficult for me to control but anyway, thank God, I still manage to control it but it’s only just.

Like today, I was looking out of the windows of mind and this picture started to form and take shape immediately…

What If I can clone people? What type of abilities will I give them?

At first, I was afraid but at some point in the whole imaginary experimentation, I just had to laugh and I was like what if people had these wonderful things…?

It was really funny imagining the whole thing and I seriously hope you will see that funny side. But I must warn you, things could also get scary.

Are you ready to see what I saw? Ok, put on your imaginative cap and get ready to start seeing these things as I mention them…

And see why you won’t like them?

Are you set? Ok, let’s begin. This is what my human clone prototype might just look like:


Oh yeah, what if people had wings? One thing I know for sure, mine will be colorful enough.

If people had wings, that means I would be free and able to fly to any place I wanted without having any reason to buy petrol to refill my tank. Whenever my wings start to strain, I’d shift to my legs and vice versa.

Just imagine all the wonderful places you could go to without any restraint and all the wonderful sights you could see while on flight.

Was this the same thing R.Kelly was seeing when he sang “I believe I can fly…”?


What if people had beaks instead of lips or even both? How would we be eating with spoons and fork? Or even drinking or sipping beer from a bottle?

It really got funny when I imagined how people will be kissing with those awesome beaks. That time it would no longer be called kissing, something like beaking or maybe beakissing will be more proper.

The beaks will also make a good weapon for self defense. Don’t you agree?

Multiple breasts

This one will be done just to satisfy all those breast lovers in the world. Assuming ladies had multiple breasts all lined up in pairs, then bad guys (like me, of course!) will have several many options in choosing the target breast(s) from that set of wonderful and assorted array to fondle, suck and maybe eventually deflate completely in the process...

Hahaha. Think of what a nice and welcoming confusion making that choice will surely be?

But I know the ladies will still complain because of three major reasons.

First the number of bras to buy will definitely increase and secondly if care is not taken, you will start seeing massive irregularities in the shapes of those wonderful fatty globes due to the manhandling plus oral assault they might be exposed to on daily basis from those men who just can’t get enough of squeezing and sucking those lovely round thangs!

And finally, when those sagging starts…

Lord have mercy!

Ability to read other people’s mind

If people had this single ability, I believe the world will just become the perfect place to live in.

I would be the happiest person and my job as a detective will become so easy as no one can be able to tell perfect lies again as s/he will easily be identified as a liar. People will easily be able to know what others are thinking about hence the elimination of all forms of suspicions and mistrust which give rise to many problems we are experiencing in the world right now.

There was a day I was moving down the street with a friend and suddenly he saw another person whom, according to him, he never wished to see at that very moment.

But as bad luck will have it, he had no escape route so he went ahead and met the person while I stood by to watch their encounter.

Believe it or not, my friend was grinning ear to ear to this person as they hugged and I just shook my head in complete amazement.

If only this person could read his mind, she must have realized instantly that only moments ago, he had just told me that she was the last person he wanted to see!

But she couldn’t and I just wished people could.

And assuming you want to borrow some cash from someone, s/he will not be able to refuse to help you immediately because you already know that s/he knows that you know that s/he knows s/he has got the cash…!


No stomach

Our stomachs could easily be identified as the cause of one of our major problems in this world – hunger.

We must eat to keep to satisfy the stomach and also keep the body and soul together in the process.

But what if we had no stomachs? Can you imagine how nice that would be as we will become eternally free from getting hungry? No more obesity?

I can hear you say that something must be there in place of the stomach but what if that something does not require to be fed at least three times at different times of the day; don’t you think that would be such a great relief?

One other thing, people will be no longer able to fart! Praise Jah! Jaah!


Let’s get it crazier! Yes what if people had hoofs instead of feet?

This will surely give us the ability to tread and match on serpents and scorpions without any fear again just like the bible promised. There will be no need to buy those most expensive fashionable shoes in the world again as my wonderful cloning experiment will surely take care of that.

And for the purpose of fighting and aggression too! If someone vexes you, you can easily respond with a well aimed kick to the groin…


Compound eye and antennas

With such a powerful equipment like compound eye, one can easily be able to see ‘beyond’. With such a powerful equipment like the antenna, one can easily be able to sense ‘beyond’.

Just imagine seeing people everywhere with two sensory appendages sticking out somewhere from their heads with some protruding dark structures in place of their eyes groping about haphazardly in the dark without any sense of what fatal danger lies ahead like when you are patiently waiting with your slippers to beat the life out of that worrisome cockroach…

Scary huh? Don’t tell me you are scared and don’t tell me to stop now…please?!

Extensible Tails, Fangs and Retractable Claws

The tail I am talking about here should be similar to that antenna found on those small transistor radios. Very much extensible in case one wants to sit down. One can easily adjust the length of his or her tails with one or two tugs or pushes. If you are pursuing someone, then you can easily make for his or her tails rather than trying to grab the whole body.

And if the tails ever breaks, one can always grow another one and life goes on. Wow!

About the fang and the retractable claws, you will never see it until you get angry or make someone angry resulting to a possible fight and then out comes all the wicked fangs and claws to scratch, bite and tear each other apart…

But if you happen to be the weaker party then tell me what are you still doing there? If it is me, that is when I will stretch and spread my wings and fly away!

Another wow!

And the last but not the least…

Sex changing abilities

With such sex changing ability, someone can easily switch from being a male onto becoming a female just by simply pressing a button, most probably the belly button.

What a natural transformation or is it transfiguration now?

But before you start glorifying in the idea, let’s set some rules. To maintain some balance in nature, no man will be able to transfigure unless s/he has another person of opposite sex who is ready and willing to transform at the same time!

This rule will prevent some people from trying to grab all the advantages accruing to a particular sex anytime they just wish.

At least men will get the opportunity to become pregnant and give birth to babies and feel the wonderful pain in the process while women will get and “enjoy” the "opportunity" to stand up erect while urinating…

Oh… oh!

Couples may even decide who is going to carry the next pregnancy or who’s going to breastfeed the baby and many other things of that nature.


Ok. That’s all… for now!

Did you enjoy the ride? Do you think you will ever like my human clone project?


Enough said! Ok, let’s go back to the real world before you get stuck here and start seeing people with wings, hoofs, fangs and beaks chasing you around everywhere you go…



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