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Funny Smart Jokes

Updated on March 19, 2011

Funny Smart Jokes - Jokes about people trying to be smart

Lets take a break from everyday problems and have a good time by reading funny jokes. Although its not that relaxing because it causes us to laugh so hard we sweat, its still a good thing coz it makes our day.

Here are some of my favorite funny smart jokes

smart ass homer
smart ass homer

Smart Funny Jokes Answers

Smart Ass Funny Jokes #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Smart Ass Funny Jokes #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Smart Ass Funny Jokes #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart Ass Funny Jokes #2:

A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Smart Ass Funny Jokes #1:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Kiss without touching smart jokes

funny smart jokes

John said to Mary, "I'll bet you ten cents I can kiss you on the lips without touching them."

"You're crazy," said Mary. "That's impossible. Here's a dime that says you can't."

The two dimes were placed on the mantelpiece and John then enfolded Mary and for ten minutes kissed her passionately, intimately, and moistly.

She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, "You did nothing BUT touch my lips."

John pushed the dimes toward her and said, "So I lose."

Kiss without touching - Funny Smart Jokes - Funny Jokes

aviation smart jokes
aviation smart jokes

Aviation joke - Funny Smart Jokes - Funny Jokes

Back in the day when cockpits had flight engineers and navigators, a crusty old-timer captain got a brand new navigator. He reached into his briefcase, pulled out a .38, laid it on the glare panel and asked his new navigator, "Know what this is for, son?" "No, sir," replies the newbie. "I use it on navigators that get us lost," the captain explained, winking at his first officer. The navigator then opened his briefcase, pulled out a .45 and placed it on his chart table. "What's that for?" asked the surprised pilot. The navigator replied, "Well, sir, I figure I'll know we're lost before you will!"

Aviation joke - Funny Smart Jokes - Funny Jokes

Unfaithful wife funny smart jokes
Unfaithful wife funny smart jokes

Unfaithful wife

smart jokes

"Mike," she said weakly.

"Hush my darling," he interrupted, "don't talk, save your strength."

But she insisted, "Mike, before I die, there's something that I have to confess."

"There is nothing to confess," said the weeping husband. "It's all right. Everything's all right."

"No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess that I have been unfaithful to you."

He stroked her hand, "Now, Tina, don't be concerned. I know all about it."

"You do?" she gasped.

"Sure darling, why else would I poison you?"

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    • profile image

      anonymous 

      5 years ago

      A young business man loves to buy his mother these exotic gifts every year for Mother's Day. One year he runs out of ideas for gifts. He runs across these birds; these birds can dance, sing, and talk, and they cost 5,000 dollars a piece. He loves these birds so much, he buys two! He sends them to his mom and can't wait to call her up on Mother's Day and ask her about the birds. He calls his mother and asks, "Mom, how did you like the birds?"

      His mom replies, "They were good!"

      The son, devastated, says, "Mom, you didn't eat those birds, did you? They costs 5,000 dollars a piece, they could dance, they could sing, they could talk."

      And his mother says, "Well why didn't they say anything?"

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      5 years ago

      A young business man loves to buy his mother these exotic gifts every year for Mother's Day. One year he runs out of ideas for gifts. He runs across these birds; these birds can dance, sing, and talk, and they cost 5,000 dollars a piece. He loves these birds so much, he buys two! He sends them to his mom and can't wait to call her up on Mother's Day and ask her about the birds. He calls his mother and asks, "Mom, how did you like the birds?"

      His mom replies, "They were good!"

      The son, devastated, says, "Mom, you didn't eat those birds, did you? They costs 5,000 dollars a piece, they could dance, they could sing, they could talk."

      And his mother says, "Well why didn't they say anything?"

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      5 years ago

      Why was Jesus born in a stable?

      Because Joseph was in an HMO!

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      6 years ago

      Bob and Max were hiking one day. Bob stopped to urinate and got bitten by

      a poisonous snake on the tip of his penis.He yelled and asked Max to get a doctor, so Max ran 4 miles to a hospital. The only doctor in today was delivering a baby, so the doctor told Max to help Bob suck the poison out of the infected area. Max ran back to Bob. When Bob asked Max for the doctors info, Max told Bob the he was gunna die.

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