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Funny Text Message Jokes

Updated on July 9, 2014

Texting Jokes

I love sending and getting text message jokes from my friends and family.

When I send a sms text joke to someone, I always hope it helps brighten their day and lets them know that I'm thinking of them. A birthday, holiday, events, recent conversation or just a regular day is a good day to make someone smile with a text joke.

I think it is great to get a random joke text. I could be having a great day or an awful day when my cell phone alerts me of a message. When I check my phone and I see it's a joke, it makes me feel good, smile or laugh! Who doesn't need that from time to time?

I will be adding new text jokes on this page. So if you want to make someone laugh or smile by text, check here.

Text Your Messages on an iPhone

Short Texting Jokes

- Q : If people from Poland are called Poles,then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

- Q : What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

A : Drool...

- Q : Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world?

He drowned.

- Q : What's the difference between men and government bonds?

A : Bonds mature.

- Q : How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A : We don't know. Never happens.

- Q : What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

A : E.T. phoned home.

- Q : When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ?

When she starts with "My husband said..."

- Q : How can you avoid getting wrinkles?

A : Take off your glasses.

- Q : Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

A : Because they taste funny.

- Q : What dose your boss and a slinky have in common?

A : They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

- Q : Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

A : Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

- Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A : A roamin' Catholic.

- Q: Why did the orange stop?

A : Because it ran out of juice.

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Blonde Text Jokes

- Q : What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

A : OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!

- Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?

A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.

- Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

A : From crawling across the street when the sign said DON'T WALK!

- Q : Why are blonde jokes so short?

A : So men can remember them.

- Q : How do you confuse a blonde?

A : You don't. They're born that way.

- Q : Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?

A : Because below 18 was not allowed.

- Q : What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A : There have been sightings of UFOs.

- Q : What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?

A : Her IQ goes up.

- Q : Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?

A : Because it said "concentrate"!

Animal Joke Texts

- Q : Why do cows wear bells?

A : Because their horns don't work

- Q : When geese fly in a "V", why is one side longer?

A : Because there are more geese on that side.

- Q : Do you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in?

That's how dogs spend their lives.

- Q : Which side of the chicken has he most feathers?

A : The outside.

- Q : How do you identify a bald eagle?

A : All his feathers are combed over to one side.

- Q : What does a blonde owl say?

A : What, what?

- Q : A baby fish asked her mother: Why can't we live on earth?

Mother Fish: Earth is not the place for fish, it's made for "selfish".

- Q : Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?

A : He wanted to get a long little doggie.

- Q : What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously?

A : A receding hareline.

- Q : Why does a tiger have stripes?

A : So he won't be spotted.

- Q : Why do seagulls live near the sea?

A : If they lived near the bay, they'd be bagels.

- Q : Have you hear about the duck that was arrested for dealing?

A : He was selling 'quack'.

Did any of these make you laugh? - Share a favortie text joke if you have one.

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    • profile image

      Johnd947 2 years ago

      I have recently started a web site, the info you provide on this site has helped me greatly. Thank you for all of your time &amp work. There can be no real freedom without the freedom to fail. by Erich Fromm. cecddkbeffbk

    • profile image

      camohider13 2 years ago

      There so funny.

    • profile image

      anonymous 3 years ago

      These are horrible jokes. I've seen better ones on candy wrappers

    • profile image

      mckinley16231 4 years ago

      @Wedding Mom: roses are red and vioelets are blue yall two look just alike and look funny two

    • profile image

      mckinley16231 4 years ago

      that very funny lol

    • Cynthia Haltom profile image

      Cynthia Haltom 4 years ago from Diamondhead

      Cute jokes. It took a lot of thought to put these jokes together, they are very funny.

    • Wedding Mom profile image

      Wedding Mom 4 years ago

      Nice lens. Thank you for sharing these nice jokes.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      OMG almost all of this jokes made me laugh. not in the outside cuz i laugh in the inside but i was texting my friend and it made him laugh!

    • jeskasight profile image

      jeskasight 4 years ago

      That was funny thanks! Why did the frog go to the mall? To go window hopping :)

    • profile image

      ChroniclesofaWa 4 years ago

      That was entertaining! :)

    • chiptuning profile image

      chiptuning 4 years ago

      Nice selection of funny quotes and jokes, thanks!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Question: What do zebras have that no other animals have?

      Answer: baby zebras.

    • Gypzeerose profile image

      Rose Jones 5 years ago

      MY favorite is "Q : Why do seagulls live near the sea?

      A : If they lived near the bay, they'd be bagels." Cute collection - pinned to my humor board.

    • cjbmeb14 lm profile image

      cjbmeb14 lm 5 years ago

      Some great jokes but not the men jokes.

      Great lens made me laugh.

    • alphatraduk profile image

      alphatraduk 5 years ago

      Nothing like a good laugh on a bolring Monday afternoon! Thanks for the lens!

    • profile image

      Thamisgith 5 years ago

      Thanks for the laugh. Nice lens.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Why did the blonde stare at the can if frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate" lol that one made me giggle!:):):)

    • neotony profile image

      neotony 5 years ago

      i love to laugh! "What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

      A : E.T. phoned home." lol! The funnier they are, the truer they are! love your lens!

    • ViolaSuSi profile image

      ViolaSuSi 5 years ago

      Interesting reading. I love jokes and funny things. Nice sellection.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Too funny... thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      bluedarkart 5 years ago

      :D! Funny ones! :))) I Love the one about ET and men! And Others! Great Lens! Thank You for sharing! :))))

    • profile image

      bluedarkart 5 years ago

      :D Funny ones!!! I like the one about ET and men! :)))) Funny and Great Lens! :)))

    • profile image

      bluedarkart 5 years ago

      :D Funny ones!!! I like the one about ET and men! :)))) Funny and Great Lens! :)))

    • profile image

      mrducksmrnot 5 years ago

      Good one's. Did ya hear that Toyota and Chevrolet are merging and have made their first car? It's already been named. Toyo-Let. UPS and FED-EX are merging into one company- New name is FED-UP.

    • profile image

      crstnblue 5 years ago

      Great job done! Thanks for fun & sharing! :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      :D, the joke about the difference between E.T and men is really funny, thank you for sharing.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      As an interesting read.

    • CoolFool83 profile image

      CoolFool83 5 years ago

      These are some hilarious jokes!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago


    • theXodus profile image

      theXodus 5 years ago

      I'll be using these very soon... thanks!

    • profile image

      crazy4u2 5 years ago

      Well, lots of funny quotes and jokes at one go. Great lens.

    • karen-stephens profile image

      karen-stephens 5 years ago

      thanks for the laugh ... great lens!

    • JuserTM profile image

      JuserTM 5 years ago

      Excellent lens, nice job! Squidlike

    • MrMojo01 profile image

      MrMojo01 5 years ago

      LOL some good ones here

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Humor is Always Best when Shared! :D

    • profile image

      aiclogcabins 5 years ago

      Great jokes, well done

    • Spiderlily321 profile image

      Spiderlily321 5 years ago

      Very funny. I enjoyed this! Thank you for creating this lens!

    • OrlandoTipster profile image

      OrlandoTipster 5 years ago


    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Funny lense, great job:)

    • profile image

      msseiboi 5 years ago

      Great lens..funny jokes

    • neosurk profile image

      Roberto Eldrum 5 years ago

      haha, the cows and horns was funny! Ctrl + D 'ed!

    • BuckHawkcenter profile image

      BuckHawkcenter 5 years ago

      hahaha - got my daily dose of the funnies.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Hehehe.. Nice jokes.. :)

    • profile image

      THEHuG5 5 years ago

      Donut seeds. Hehe. Great lens!

    • profile image

      wpmaniac 5 years ago

      Thank you so much for this great lens, enjoying reading it with big laugh :)

    • BryanLSC profile image

      BryanLSC 5 years ago

      Thanks for the jokes, it made my day!

    • profile image

      momsfunny 5 years ago

      So funny lens.... it was a pleasure to read all this! Thank you for making us laugh!

    • profile image

      Angel_Lou 5 years ago

      As you might imagoine - I liked those about blondes the best"!

      Pssst, my wife is blonde.

    • SuperBrainwave LM profile image

      Paul Goodman 5 years ago from Florida, USA

      Funny! :-D

    • ronaldpakasi profile image

      ronaldpakasi 5 years ago

      Love it.... hahaha!

    • Brandi Bush profile image

      Brandi 5 years ago from Maryland

      These are so fun! :) Gave me a much-needed laugh tonight...Thanks!

    • JodiFromFlorida profile image

      JodiFromFlorida 6 years ago

      Loved your lens!

    • ClassyGals profile image

      Cynthia Davis 6 years ago from Pittsburgh

      Thanks for sharing these funny jokes! Angel Blessings**

    • profile image

      JoshK47 6 years ago

      Gotta love a good joke or two in your day!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Love it!! Thank you so much for giving big smiles and laugh to me via this greatly funny work of you :D

    • profile image

      sallypmoore 6 years ago

      love these, hope its ok to repea a few ;-)

    • JoyfulPamela2 profile image

      JoyfulPamela2 6 years ago from Pennsylvania, USA

      Very funny! =D

    • whiteskyline lm profile image

      whiteskyline lm 6 years ago

      Haha!! Thanks for making me laugh :)

    • brbrooks profile image

      brbrooks 6 years ago

      I loved these joke my husband and I laughed over many of them. Thanks!

    • profile image

      microlifeline 6 years ago

      Woww... Collection of funny one liners...... really funny

    • David Dove profile image

      David Dove 6 years ago

      All of them, thank you, many new ones there.