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Funny and Famous Tombstone Epitaphs

Updated on October 6, 2013

"I Told You I Was Sick" - Gravestone humour to die for.

Halloween humour brought to you by

We wanted to help get everyone in the Halloween mood so we put together this collection of gravestone humour to get you in the spirit .  (get it...)?

You'd think a tombstone would be the last place to find something funny but then again the world's full of surprises!  Besides, who says just because you're dead you can't still have a sense of humour!

We hope you enjoy this collection of funny and famous tombstone quotes.  You can even make your own Halloween gravestone decorations using these as humourous epitaphs!

Visit our store today!

Happy Halloween from!

Some Funny Epitaphs from All Over the World

I Told You I Was Sick!

"Reader --if cash thou art in want of any,

Dig four feet deep and find a Penny."

Epitaph of John Penny, Wimborne, England.

"In loving memory of Ellen Shannon, aged 25,

Who was accidentally burned March 21, 1870,

By the explosion of a lamp filled with R.E. Danforth's

Non-explosive burning fluid."

Epitaph in cemetery at Girard, Pa.

"Solomon Peas.

Peas is not here,

Only the pod.

Peas shelled out,

Went home to God."

Epitaph in a cemetery near Wetumpka, Ala.

"Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,

Stepped on the gas instead of the brake."

Gravestone near Uniontown, Pa.

"Here lies John Yeast,

Pardon me for not rising."

Cemetary in Ruidoso, N.M.

"Here lies Lester Moore,

Four slugs from a forty-four.

No Les,

No Moore."

Boothill Cemetery, Tombstone Ariz.

"I Told You I Was Sick"

Cemetary in Key West, Fla.

Funny Gravestones of Celebrities from the early 1900s


Ilka Chase: I've finally gotten to the bottom of things.

Dorothy Parker: "Involved in a plot."

Clive Brook: "Excuse me for not rising."

Lionel Barrymore: "Well, I've played everything but a harp."

Walter Winchell: "Here lies Walter Winchell in the dirt he loved so well."

We been digging around (get it?) and found some more for you.

Lester Moore, a Wells Fargo Co. station agent, is buried at Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore

Four slugs from a .44

No Les No More.


On a tombstone in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:

Here lies the body of our dead Anna

gone to death by a banana

It wasn't the fruit that dealt the blow

But the skin of the thing that laid her low!


Ezekial Aikle, East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia, Canada:

Here lies

Ezekial Aikle

Age 102

The Good

Die Young


In a cemetery in London, England:

Here lies Ann Mann

Who lived an old maid

But died an old Mann

Dec. 8, 1767


Emily White (20th Century):

Here lies the body of Emily White,

She signaled left, and then turned right.


Name Unknown (18th Century):

Here lies my poor wife, much lamented,

She is happy and I am contented.


Sir John Strange (1696-1754):

Here lies an honest lawyer, -

That is Strange.


Wallace Ford (1897-1966) British Actor

At last I get top billing.


John Edwards (died 1904):

John Edwards who perished in a fire

None could hold a candle to him.


John Brown (18th Century) Dentist

Stranger! Approach this spot with gravity!

John Brown is filling his last cavity.

Funny Ideas for Gravestone Epitaphs

So far as we know these aren't from real graves but they're still funny!

If you are making your own Halloween props or decorations this year, here are some pretty clever epitaphs to add to the fun:

Here Lies Larry Bass, Missed The Brake and Hit The Gas

Here Lies Lester More. No Les, No More ...

Here Lies My Wife, I Bid Her Goodbye. She Rests in Peace, and Now So Do I.

Here Lies Ron D. Vous, He met with death.

Hey! Get off me!

Mary Aster, Should Have Walked a Little Faster

Bat Halloween String Lights
Bat Halloween String Lights

Halloween Lights and Lighted Decorations

Get spooky!

Orange lights on black wire, scary lighted witches for your window, spider string lights for Halloween. Here are some creepy cool lights and lighted Halloween decorations for your next Monster Bash!

How about some "Ghostbuster" green lights on black wire? Pair them up with some bat Halloween string lights and you've created a totally "ghoulsome" atmosphere.

Click on the Bat Halloween string lights photo to visit our Halloween store and check out all the great lights and lighted decorations just waiting to spook you!

Want more? Here are some terrific books on gravestones.

More great epitaphs...

"Come blooming youths, as you pass by ,

And on these lines do cast an eye.

As you are now, so once was I;

As I am now, so must you be;

Prepare for death and follow me."

Now, that isn't funny but then underneath, someone had added:

"To follow you

I am not content,

How do I know

Which way you went."

Now that's funny!

On the grave of a woman who died in 1984. Colorado Springs, Colorado. Her son, owner of Zeezo's Magic Castle in Colorado Springs, stated that his mother had been married to a Texan who is buried in Texas.

"I would

rather be here

than in Texas."

On a hanged sheep thief:

"Here lies the body of

Thomas Kemp.

Who lived by wool

and died by hemp."

James B. McCoy left a message on his 1899 tombstone proclaiming his independence from the United States Government.

"Member Co. D 17th Iowa Inf. which mustered in 1165 men and mustered out 42. Participated in 19 battles and 3 sieges. Never Applied For A Pension."

"Here lies the body of Arkansas Jim.

We made the mistake, But the joke's on him."

"Here lies a man named Zeke.

Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek."

"Bill Blake

Was hanged by mistake."

Reader Feedback

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    • profile image

      James Stone 

      2 years ago

      I found a great list of headstone sayings on this site

    • imagelist lm profile image

      imagelist lm 

      7 years ago

      Cool...interesting content...

    • Pat Goltz profile image

      Pat Goltz 

      7 years ago

      LOL These were great! I hope you publish plenty more!

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      @anonymous: you're an asshole.

    • NibsyNell profile image


      7 years ago

      oh wow some of these are so great! love the Yeast one :)

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Love the quotes, especially "I told you I was sick." Thanks for sharing!

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      That was cool! Treating death as if it were a big joke is the coolest stuff one could do. Great lens.

    • MaryThereseBenn profile image


      7 years ago

      I really enjoyed!!

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Wow, some of those are hilarious. I wonder if the person who died came up with them or if their families wrote those for them :)

      Li Li

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      @anonymous: well, i wont be doing that again...

      oh, haha guys very funny. now unbury me... guys?

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      There are so many headstone designs to pick from. There are some funny and some beautiful. Check out

    • frances lm profile image

      frances lm 

      9 years ago

      Reading that was fun!

    • Swededesigns profile image


      10 years ago

      Really great lens! I loved the funny epitaphs :) Added you to my featured lenses. :)

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      This lens is hilarious dahling. I must share it with my ghoul-friends.

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      A few more for you

      Now where did I put the antidote?

      Please sign the guest book... Ohhh you didn't bring a chisel?

      But But... No one told me it was a gunfight.

      Why couldn't I stay "In World"

      When I die, Please... Awww its to late anyway.

      So that's why you don't stand still...

      "Hey Folks I got the Aces and Eights"

      He always wanted to see what made a gun work.

      I should have bought the more expensive holster...

      It will work I got it all planned.

      What could possibly go wrong?

      Its Just 3 days past the expiration date...

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      Informative lens.

    • profile image


      12 years ago

      these are better


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