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How to be an Elementary School Bully

Updated on April 12, 2011

Choose Your Victim

Before you begin bullying, you'll need to find someone to bully.

As a general rule, look for someone smaller and weaker than you are.

The fewer friends they have to back them up, the better!

Also, be sure to give them a "nickname." Here are some suggestions:

*Freak

*Spaz

*Weirdo

*Four-Eyes

*Nerd

*Freckle-Snoot

*Scarecrow

*Wimp

*Blubber

*Bones

*Shrimp

Be creative!

Kick Me!
Kick Me!

Kick Me

Perfect for when you're JUST starting to bully your victim...

This trick will only work for a limited time. Eventually your victim will learn not to trust you. Enjoy it while you can.

STEP ONE:

Pretend to give your victim a pat on the back.

STEP TWO:

Stick a sign to the victim's back that says "Kick Me."

STEP THREE:

Stand back and watch the ensuing hilarity.

Wet Willy
Wet Willy

Wet WIlly

STEP ONE:

Get your finger soaking wet with saliva.

STEP TWO:

Insert your finger in victim's ear.

!!!WARNING!!!

This may cause an ear infection. Make sure that the victim's parents have no way of knowing you're responsible for their child's trip to the ear doctor.

Spitball
Spitball

Spitballs

STEP ONE:

Take a piece of paper and put it in your mouth

STEP TWO:

Chew on it until it's sopping wet with your saliva.

STEP THREE:

Chuck it at your victim!

Noogie AKA Dutch Rub
Noogie AKA Dutch Rub

Noogies

Also Known as a "Dutch Rub"

STEP ONE:

Put your victim in a headlock.

STEP TWO:

Rub your knuckles quickly back and forth over your victim's head, causing friction and irritation.

Ewwwww...
Ewwwww...

Making Them Eat Gross Things

STEP ONE:

Pin your victim down somehow.

STEP TWO:

Force feed them "gross" things

Suggestions:

*Bugs

*Grass

*Dirt

*Crayons

*Anything slimy

Put your victim's head in the toilet
Put your victim's head in the toilet

Swirlies

Can be done by yourself or with a group if you're not strong enough.

STEP ONE:

Turn victim upside-down

STEP TWO:

Holding onto victim's legs, dunk victim's head into the toilet bowl

STEP THREE:

FLUSH! Watch victim's hair "swirl."

Tip: Works better if the toilet lid is up!

Drinking Fountain
Drinking Fountain

Drinking Fountain

STEP ONE:

Turn on the drinking fountain

STEP TWO:

When your victim walks by, use your hand to aim the water

STEP THREE:

Laugh at your victim's soggy misery

Indian Burn
Indian Burn

Indian Burn

STEP ONE:

Grasp victim's forearm

STEP TWO:

Twist your hands in opposite directions. Repeat until victim's arm is dark red with soreness.

Dead Finger
Dead Finger

Dead Finger

STEP ONE:

Extend pinky finger

STEP TWO:

Pinky stiff; wrist loose. Flick your pinky quickly on your victim's bare skin.

Rat Tail
Rat Tail

Rat Tail

The Art of Towel Snapping

Take a towel, usually damp (to hold the shape!), and twist it along the diagonal to make a whip.

From there, snap the towel as you would crack a whip. Should cause your victim stinging pain where struck!

It's all in the wrist.

TAKES PRACTICE!!!

Purple Nurple
Purple Nurple

Purple Nurple

AKA: Nipple Cripple or T*tty Twister

STEP ONE:

Locate your victim's nipples.

STEP TWO:

Grasp your victim's nipple(s) firmly with your thumb and index finger.

STEP THREE:

Twist. HARD!!

Tip: For speed & effectiveness, twist their left nipple clockwise and their right nipple counterclockwise

Hertz Doughnut
Hertz Doughnut

Hertz Doughnut

This technique and the two following it all involve tricking your victim into giving you their own unwitting permission to abuse them.

YOU: Would you like a Hertz Donut?

VICTIM: Yeah!!

(At this juncture you punch your victim)

YOU: Hurts, DON'T IT?!*

*Pronounced like "doughnut"

Tip: This trick works even better if you happen to have a doughnut/doughnut box to fool them with...

Button Face
Button Face

Button Face

STEP ONE:

Ask your victim "Would you like a Button Face?"

STEP TWO:

If they say "yes" or "What's a Button Face?" then that's your cue to knock them down and sit on their face!

Get it?! Butt ON face!

Applecore/Baltimore
Applecore/Baltimore

Apple Core/Baltimore

When with a group of friends and looking to start a food fight (or simply want an excuse to throw food at someone you don't like), play this "game."

STEP ONE:

Hold up the core of an apple and call out "Apple core!"

STEP TWO:

Have someone respond "Baltimore"

STEP THREE:

Say "Who's your friend??"

STEP FOUR:

From there, throw--with great force!--your apple core at whichever "friend" is named.

Pantsing!
Pantsing!

Pantsing

Taking Off Someone's Pants Without Their Permission

STEP ONE:

Sneak up behind your victim

STEP TWO:

Grab a hold of their pants' waistband

STEP THREE:

Pull down. QUICKLY!

Tip: This works best when your victim is not wearing a belt.

Wedgie
Wedgie

Wedgie

The Classic

Can be done by yourself or with a group.

STEP ONE:

Locate the waistband of your victim's underwear and grab onto it.

STEP TWO:

Pull upward, wedging their underwear painfully between their butt-cheeks.

Stealing Lunch Money
Stealing Lunch Money

Lunch Money

"Mugging" is Such an Ugly Word...

Bullying takes a lot of effort.

You'll need to be compensated.

Demand your victim give you their lunch money. (You can make $1 to $5 daily!)

At first, you may have to take the lunch money by force--you may even need to enlist the help of your friends--but eventually your victim will wise up and hand over the cash without fuss. At this point, the beatings you dish out will be optional.

Flat Tire
Flat Tire

Flat Tire

There are many ways to trip and push your victim--from simply extending your food at they walk by to tying their shoelaces together. The classic "Flat Tire" maneuver goes like this:

STEP ONE:

Walk closely behind your victim.

STEP TWO:

When the time is right, step on their heel. (The back of their shoe).

STEP THREE:

Make sure you keep your foot firmly in place. This will cause your victim to trip (and maybe even fall!). This will also let your victim know that your actions were on purpose and this was not a "flat tire" that one gets when accidentally walking too closely behind someone else.

Taunts and Teases -- An Important Part of Bullying! (Part One)

Here are a few standards to get you started...

*You're a wit........................a HALF wit!

*You're special...................special ED!

*Every time it rains I think of you.....................drip, drip, drip.

*Teacher's Pet! Teacher's Pet! Never missed a lesson yet

Taunts and Teases -- An Important Part of Bullying! (Part Two)

Roses are red

Violets are Blue

Garlic stinks

And so do you!

Marguerite

Wash your feet

The Board of Health's

Across the street!

Don't get wise, Bubble Eyes

Or I'll cut you down to peanut size!

!!!These are just to get you started! Think up your own Taunts & Teases

!!!Don't forget name calling!

Just Don't Be There If... - ...Your Victim Decides to Fight Back!

Enough is Enough
Enough is Enough

Sometimes bullying can go horribly, horribly wrong...

The Most Important Thing

If you or someone you know is being tormented by a bully...

TELL A PARENT

TELL A TEACHER

TELL A FRIEND

CALL A HOTLINE

Get help! Don't flip out.

Roald Dahl Books - Buy Some on Amazon Today!

If you liked this Lens, then you may also enjoy the works of Roald Dahl. His books for children often touch upon (or center around!) the subject of bullying. The plights of the characters are easy to relate to, but the way the stories are written are over-the-top enough that you can easily laugh at what's happening.

As someone who was sometimes picked on myself as a kid, I'd like to say that these books really helped me. Hopefully they'll help others too!

The Twits
The Twits

I think if The Twits were real people and were around today, they'd probably be Internet Trolls. The Twits are bullies; and they get what's coming to them in a most unusual way...

A personal favourite of mine!

 
The Magic Finger
The Magic Finger

I'm sure many victims of bullying wish that they had a "Magic Finger" to make everything all better.

 
The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More
The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More

The short story "The Swan" is entirely centered around bullying. Two boys (Ernie and Raymond) get their kicks by bullying/torturing another boy (Peter). The story can be a little hard to get through sometimes (depending on how emotional you're feeling at the time), but it's definitely worth the read.

The title story (Henry Sugar) has nothing to do with bullying, but I absolutely love it. HIGHLY recommended! Seriously.

 
Matilda
Matilda

Matilda is bullied by everyone!! Fortunately, she develops psychokinetic powers!

 

Depression: A Common Side-Effect to Being Bullied - Some Good Books on Amazon

Dealing with Depression can be tough. Everyone says "Go to the doctor" or "Go see a therapist," but not all of us can AFFORD to do that...

Until we're all rich enough to get the help we need from doctors and therapy, at least we have self-help books!

Depression For Dummies
Depression For Dummies

Dummies books are fantastic. I love them. I have so many of them, it's almost embarrassing. Basically, if you see a Dummies book on a topic that interests you: Get it. It'll be good.

 

Suicide Hotline

If you're being bullied and feeling depressed, lonely, or suicidal, please call:

1-800-273-TALK

Note: if you've hurt yourself or are thinking of attempting suicide for "realz," then please skip the hotline and call 9-1-1!

Credits & Thanks

References/Research for this book:

*Wikipedia

*THE HODGEPODGE BOOK by Duncan Emrich

*Family

*Friends

*A Group of Little Kids I Polled (No, for real...)

Special Thanks To:

Ramiro Roman, Jr -- For all his help/support

Additional Information:

All artwork and writing was done by me, Lauren R. Tharp. Copyright 2007 (hard copy) and 2011 (online)

Guestbook

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    • GoodGirlSEO profile image

      GoodGirlSEO 

      5 years ago

      Great idea for a lens!

    • coolaunt profile image

      coolaunt 

      5 years ago

      Very clever lens. Simple and makes the point.

    • Elaine Chen profile image

      Elaine Chen 

      5 years ago

      those images are cute; thanks for sharing.

    • amberchina profile image

      amberchina 

      6 years ago

      Great lens. I'll be using parts of this as a discussion springboard with my students when we discuss bullying. Love the pics. Thank you!

    • littlezotz profile imageAUTHOR

      littlezotz 

      6 years ago

      @justin42: Thank you very much!

      I had dead finger used on me several times throughout my life and it never seemed to hurt the person using it! Though I've tried to do it just to see if I could and, while it didn't hurt me, I couldn't get it to work properly... Guess I'm just not meant to be a bully! But that's a good thing, I think. ;)

    • littlezotz profile imageAUTHOR

      littlezotz 

      6 years ago

      @jasminesphotogr: Thank you! ...I think? lol. Hopefully you don't think I'm an expert at bullying!

    • justin42 profile image

      justin42 

      6 years ago

      This is an incredibly good lens. I am going to recommend it for lens of the day. I have never heard of the "Dead Finger" one. I imagine that it would hurt the person attached to the finger more than it would hurt the victim.

    • jasminesphotogr profile image

      jasminesphotogr 

      6 years ago

      I think you're an expert. :)

    • littlezotz profile imageAUTHOR

      littlezotz 

      6 years ago

      @kopitozie: Thank you!

      I haven't had much time lately to dedicate to my lenses, but, if you're interested, my Blog updates every Wednesday over at my Official Website! http://littlezotz.com/blog

    • littlezotz profile imageAUTHOR

      littlezotz 

      6 years ago

      @ThatsYourPeople: Thank you!

    • Jen Maskill profile image

      Jen Maskill 

      6 years ago

      This is a great lens. I found myself laughing my head off. It should be a children's book or a TV show on NIck :) Thank you for lightening my day but still publishing a great message.

    • profile image

      kopitozie 

      6 years ago

      Great Lenses .... waiting for your next amazing lenses

    • ThatsYourPeople profile image

      ThatsYourPeople 

      6 years ago

      Really funny lens. It made me laugh...and think.

    • littlezotz profile imageAUTHOR

      littlezotz 

      7 years ago

      @TapIn2U: I'd be more than happy to take a look at your lens. :) I have some work to do right now, but I'll check it out later today or tomorrow. You have my word.

      Thanks for commenting!

    • littlezotz profile imageAUTHOR

      littlezotz 

      7 years ago

      @yourgoldenfuture: Thank you! I drew them myself. :)

    • TapIn2U profile image

      TapIn2U 

      7 years ago

      What a hilarious lens! Brings back memories, indeed. But poor random kid who's going to be bullied by someone who has read this. A well done lens. Hey, I just published my fourth lens called the 3 Shortcuts to Happiness and would love to know what you think of it. Any suggestion will be greatly appreciated. Blessings! Sundae ;-)

    • profile image

      yourgoldenfuture 

      7 years ago

      i love this lens...sweet pics.. talk more than words...

    • littlezotz profile imageAUTHOR

      littlezotz 

      7 years ago

      @stargazer90: Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it!

    • stargazer90 profile image

      stargazer90 

      7 years ago

      Great lens! It brings me back to my old elementary school days...great times lol!

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