Hilarious Darwin Awards, People of Wal-mart, Idiot Sightings, and Parent of the Year Awards
Celebrating the Darwinians - The Least Evolved Among Us
We've all seen them, or at least heard of them. People who just don't seem to have a clue. Individuals that just can't ever seem to get it right. Idiots that make you wander if they even deserve a spot in the gene pool. What can you do?
There doesn't seem to be much of anything we can do for these people, but all is not lost! At least we can be entertained by the hilarious antics of these hapless individuals.
This page contains hilarious stories, crazy antics, and humorous images of people that just make you question the intelligence of the human race as a whole. You'll find Darwin Award winners, Walmartians, Parents of the Year, and Idiot Sightings that will make you laugh your ass off, but will also make you cringe.
Just sit back and relax, read the stories of all the less than intelligent people included on this page, and be happy (or hope to God) that they are not related to you!
The Darwin Awards
The Darwin Award Winners
The Darwin Awards have been counted down and bestowed to honor the least evolved among us.
Here are the winners, though I'm not sure if congratulations or sympathies are in order.
The Honorable Mentions
# 10 Just Deserts
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
# 9 Hey! That's my Parking Spot
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
# 8 The Mental Case
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
# 7 The Curious Youth
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
# 6 The Would-Be Robber
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
# 5 The Thirsty Moron
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
# 4 The Idiot Mugger
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
# 3 Spoiled Breakfast
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 AM, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
# 2 Got Gas?
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
And the trophy goes to...
# 1 Brainiac Bullet
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
Which is your favorite Darwin Award recipient?
The Darwin Awards Movie
Based on four best-selling non-fiction books of over 700 Darwin Award cases, The Darwin Awards takes a darkly comic view at the people who risk their lives pursuing a crazy idea, only to end up improving the human race by removing themselves from the gene pool and thus earning a "Darwin" award. Winona Ryder stars as an insurance claims investigator, along with Joseph Fiennes as a forensic detective, who team up to investigate potential Darwin Award winners.
Loosely based on the book series of the same name, The Darwin Awards is a wry Indie film that deals with the premise that some people will live long and prosperous lives, while the weaker will weed themselves out by committing unbelievably stupid acts (such as smashing into a high-rise window to prove it's shatterproof, or using dynamite as a means to make a small hole for ice fishing).
A Word of Caution
Darwinians walk among us...
The scary part is that they VOTE and REPRODUCE and our enemies know it!
Weird and Crazy Walmart Shoppers a.k.a. People of Walmart
There are some strange shoppers at Walmart! They usually come out at night, but have also been known to venture into Walmart during the day.
If you see one of these weird creatures, it may be best to keep your distance, but if you have a camera on you, take a picture. That way we can all be entertained!
Welcome to Walmart
That's not actually sunlight. It's beams of light coming off Rainbow Man
Those bags you're carrying seem extremely heavy and hard to lug around... The ones in your hand look heavy too!
Can you find the baby in this picture?
OMG! What is that coming from her hair? Seriously! What is that?
I don't think so... but thanks anyways!
Who needs a shopping cart when you are t-shirt man?
Those shorts look angry to me.
She was later arrested when they found her drinking out of the toilet.
Is it his shirt or his early teen mustache that creeps me out more?
Oh you so totally are! We all wish we looked like you!
Yeah, no... Let's not.
What, what, what are those?!! Extra boobs?
Run for your life!!!
Now you know why no matter where you go in the store, it always smells like sh*t!
To infinity and beyond!
This woman is out shopping - in public - with no shirt on. And she has her boobs tucked into her pants!
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.."
- We haven't used Sears repair since.
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
- Kingman, KS.
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said " We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
- Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
- This was in Kansas City, KS.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
- This happened in Birmingham, Alabama.
Bill Engvall has his own version of Idiot Sightings in his "Here's Your Sign" comedy routine. He tells of moronic people with idiotic questions. His stand up is hilarious.
Bill is one of my favorite comedians and I just love his take on family life. be sure to check out his hilarious DVD, "Here's your Sign."
Here's Your Sign
Bill Engvall mines one of the classic veins of comedy--family life--on Bill Engvall: Here's Your Sign Live, and comes up with some fresh, funny spin on old gags. His general recommendation for surviving marriage: Relinquish power to wives; that way, one gets to be just a "guy" instead of nominal head of the household.
One of the funniest bits concerns linkage of real and imaginary marital crimes. "'If you're lying to me about smoking,'" Engvall quotes his suspicious spouse, "'how do I know you're not sleeping with other women?' Not even Evel Knievel could have made that leap."
On keeping sex fun after 21 years of domestic bliss: "As soon as I try something new, she's screaming, 'Where'd you learn that?!'"
Engvall has some choice stuff about his kids, too, including a good story about traveling cross-country with his teenage son and stumbling into topless steakhouses. -- Tom Keogh Source
More Idiot Sightings
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
- She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS.
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
- This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
- She was a deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."
- This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi.
Parent of the Year Awards
Do you ever wonder how some kids make it to be healthy, happy adulthood? I do, and the pictures shown here will give the reason why.
These parents just don't seem to understand what good parenting means. I just hope the kids will have a good chance at growing up! lol
Is that bag supposed to be a helmet or a rain hat??
Gun safety?!! If that gun kicks when fired, it'll hit that little girl right in the face!
Have wheels, will travel!
This is just a "What the hell were you thinking?" moment!
Just taking a ride with mommy
Yeah, let's just ignore the Thin Ice sign. No biggie!
Was that really the best place to set the baby?
Best seat in the house!
Where the hell is this kids parents?
You realize your squashing the baby, right?
Shopper in training
Way to show your little girl how women should be treated, Dad!
Where's the baby? Oh, was I supposed to be watching her?
Mommy, I can't breathe!
Poor kid! I know what she's thinking. "Please don't fart on me!"
Oh, this just doesn't even look legal!
Express Your Opinion
We all have our duh moments, but come on! What can you say about the Darwin Award winners and the Idiot Sightings I've listed here?
What do you think about the people in these situations?
Too stupid to function! Get 'em out of the gene pool!
In the Interest of Bettering Mankind...
Please share these darwin awards and idiot sightings with your friends and family.
Unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
Here's some great links to other Darwin Award winners and Idiot Sightings. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.
- The Darwin Awards
A Chronicle of Enterprising Demises - Honoring those who improve the species... by accidentally removing themselves from it!
- The Darwin Awards on Wikipedia
A Darwin Award is a tongue-in-cheek honor named after evolutionary theorist Charles Darwin. Awards have been given for people who "do a service to Humanity by removing themselves from the Gene pool."
- The ANTI-Darwin Awards
The Anti-Darwin Awards are given to those people who HAD the opportunity to win a Darwin Award, and then thought to themselves "Hey,this is pretty stupid. I better stop doing this before I kill myself!"