TK421 Imperial Ezine - Issue 3
Back for our third episode. But unlike George Lucas we won't be waiting 15 something years to add to the trilogy.The latest NEWS is that good old George is meeting with the short list of Anakin hopefuls. And I'm afraid to say neither of us (TeeKay or DarkSide) got a call back about our chances.On the literature front Onslaught has been recently released and if I was literate I probably would think about reading it.Seriously, one day I might consider reading the novels, I hear they're very good. Well at least some of them. But now with so many where would I start?Perhaps a TK421 reader with discerning tastes can point me in the right direction.We've had a lot of feedback and every effort is made to reply to emails which lend themselves to being replied to. We read all of them, but I've got a big mess of opened emails in my inbox and I don't want to delete them until I gone through them again. And with each passing week I don't go through them makes the task all the more daunting.But we'll get back on top of things. HEY! I think I might 'double my efforts'.Anyway, we'll throw ourselves in at the deep end and get this show on the road...
THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE INDIFFERENT"Great and fun newsletter. . .""Excellent work""...cried from laughing so hard.""Keep the humor rolling""my god, your zine is so bad. i may be a nerd, but i at least have a sense of humor and some writing ability."
EXTRAS ON DARTH VADER'S CUSTOM TIE FIGHTER|-o-| Hyperspace capability, multiplier x1|-o-| Excellent trunk space|-o-| Mini disco ball|-o-| Mon Mothma pin-up air freshener|-o-| Nitro-burning ion engines|-o-| Mag-Alloy wing braces|-o-| Musical horn plays "The Imperial March"|-o-| Shields (Someone finally figured that out.)|-o-| Tape, CD, DAT, and 8-Track players|-o-| Fun bumper sticker: "IF YOU AIN'T A DARK LORD, YOU AIN'T SITH"|-o-| Sienar Fleet Systems' patented "North Star" System|-o-| Fuzzy dice made from Ewok pelts©2000 Beedo Sookcool aka Nigel Willis
VERY SITHLY DARTH MAULTK421 has an artist of exceptional talent in it's subscriber ranks. You can see Sophia's very sithly Darth Maul at http://www.discdog.com/sophia/Image33.htmCritical comment: as Vader would say in that James Earl Jones-esque rumble: "Impressive".See her complete array of creative enthusiasm at http://www.discdog.com/sophia/And as it says in her front page- 'Let Sophia Kelly-Shultz put you in your fantasy world'We won't comment further.
TOP 10 IMPERIAL BUMPER STICKERS10. Real pilots wear black9. My kid arrested your honor student8. Join us!7. Tie fighter pilots' union, local thx-11386. Imperials do it in formation5. Only wimps have shields4. That's no moon... I'll show you a moon!3. My other ship is the executor2. If you ain't a dark lord, you ain't sith (Darth Vader only)1. I brake for.... I don't have brakes! Aaaaaaaahh!©2000 Beedo Sookcool aka Nigel Willis
WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY OFFENSE IN THE LAST ISSUEA subscriber was offended by an excerpt in Issue #02 of TK421:SIGNS YOU CAN TELL THAT STAR WARS: EPISODE II, IS MADE IN AUSTRALIA7. George Lucas shoots enough footage at the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras to fill his alien/freak quota for Episode's II and III.The fact they took the trouble to point it out was enough for a retraction. And we will endeavor to put some correctness in our Imperial politics. We apologize to the lesbian and gay community.
PLEASE NOTEIn the interests of creative freedom we will probably cross other boundaries in our vain (and somewhat stupid) attempts to be funny. If you are offended or affronted by anything then drop us a line. APOLOGY may very well become a regular feature.If you're submitting original material make it easier for us by using your own judgment and a bit of judicious editing.
We haven't checked recently. Perhaps if we had a Promotions Officer they could take care of subjugating the world while we take care of the day to day running of it.
HOW TO SEDUCE YOUR SITH LORDRomance. It's what women really want. Men sometimes just don't seem to understand that. So every now and then we women have to take matters into our own hands and create the romance.Now, dating a Sith Lord can be trying at best, I know, I date one. So here is an idea on how to create a mood that will drive your Lord crazy.Start by making dinner for him. I suggest barbecued Ewok, served with flava beans and a nice Chianti. After dinner, move to the living room, light candles and put on some music. "The Death of Qui-Gon Jinn" by John Williams is sure to set your Lords mind onto more playful thoughts. Slip into something comfortable and let the fun begin.Don't be afraid to make the first move. Sith's spend all day fighting and being aggressive, he will really enjoy not having to do all the work. Let things turn playful. Take his lighsaber out and get to know it better. Now, I know playing with a lightsaber can be scary, but a Sith Lord's saber is an extension of him. You will really make him feel important if you allow saber play in the bedroom (or the living room for you frisky people).There ya go ladies! I've helped you set the mood for a fun, playful, seductive night with your Lord; the rest is up to you.©2000 White Tiger
PROMOTIONS OFFICER'TK421- The Ezine' is still looking for a Promotions Officer.Someone who can liaison with established popular Star Wars fan sites to get coverage, mentions, plugs and placement in links for 'TK421- the ezine' (and vice versa).
We wanted to take this opportunity to express our appreciation for people who have helped out over the last two weeks and contributed their time and talents.
Imperial Commando. Editor of The Empire (firstname.lastname@example.org). He gave us a tip on where to find Beedo Sookcool.
Beedo Sookcool aka Nigel Willis. Writes top Top Ten Humor. We'll be seeing more of his material in the coming issues.
Jorge Lukas. Sends in controversial humor. Even if we did get our asses chewed for it in the last issue.
White Tiger. Imperial babe. After reading her piece featured in this issue we considered resigning from our Imperial posts and starting an apprenticeship in the ways of the Sith.
Sophia Kelly-Shultz. Artistic talent.
Glenn Reimer. For showing us the error of our ways.
Craig. Same as above.
Wraithfive. Editor of RebelPilot (email@example.com). Thanks for the animated gif. Now how about granting permission to reprint those exclusive interviews?
_________ (insert your name here) if we missed you or just because you're a loyal reader of TK421.
Even More Humor
WHY STORMTROOPERS ARE BETTER THAN BATTLE DROIDS|-o-| Imperials can come dressed as stormtroopers, snowtroopers, scouttroopers, TIE pilots and sandtroopers.|-o-| Stormtroopers might have been beaten by Ewoks but they have NEVER had an embarrassment like a defeat at the hands of Gungans.|-o-| There's a chance for promotion to Imperial Guard. Battle Droids get a new streak of paint of a different color on their chest.|-o-| Fans can buy or make their own stormie armor to wear to conventions and fancy dress up parties [or to edit the latest issue of TK421]. But only waif like super models with eating disorders could possibly squeeze into a battle droid outfit.©2000 Jorge Lukas
Over And Out
Here at TK421 we encourage creativity, originality and imagination. So if you've got any of those attributes send in the fruits of your labor.
And as a great Imperial Moff once said: "We shall double our efforts". And I think we have done that by coming out every second week instead of once a month.
Next issue we might double the size, and the one after that we might think about doubling the quality.
Yours In The Emperor's Service
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