RebelPilot Issue 65
Here again. Get your R2 Unit to serve you your favourite beverage, Loosen your straight-jacket straps and sit back and relax.
This issues madness and mayhem includes:
* Top Ten Jawa Pickup Lines
* Ask A Rogue...with Wes and Hobbie
* Top Ten Han Solo Regrets
* Who's Responsible?
* ASCII Art
* Website Review
* Top Ten Reasons to Reject a Padawan
While heading on over the TheForce.Net to download some trailers and short films I also checked out the reader submitted humour. And What a choice selection there is. I’ll use a few of the lists in this issue. when you’re hard up for a laugh and need a bit of Star Wars humour to lighten your day then go and check out TheForce.Net’s humour archives.
Top Ten Jawa Pickup Lines
10. I'm sorry to bother you, but my whole family just got slaughtered in their sandcrawler, and I just don't want to be alone...
9. You know, my eyes aren't the only body part that glows...
8. You want me. I can smell it.
7. Your paws must be tired because you've been runnin' through my head all day!
6. So I'm not tall dark and handsome but, I'm short, dark, and smelly, and 1 outta 3 ain't bad!
5. The size dosent matter, right?
4. Say, um... are you female?
3. Aieeeah! Your eyes glow like the twin suns!
2. I love what you've done with that potato sack, it really brings out your eyes....
1. I may not look like much, but I've got it where it counts!
Â©2000 the readers of TheForce.Net; Michael Murray, Alphie, Bill Wilbrand, Strider, Ripp, Jimmy Schween, sweetjedibrown, The Iguana That Ate Yoda, Gimli, Martin Dawson
Ask A Rogue
Ask A Rogue...with Wes and Hobbie.
HOBBIE: Hey Hobbie! Why did the astromech droid cross the road?
WES: Because he was carbon-bonded to the chicken!
WES and HOBBIE: HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
WES: I think it’s plainly obvious to the audience that we’re all outta material.
HOBBIE: Me thinks you’re right.
TYCHO: Guys, you’ve got an email from Alana. She’s got a couple of questions.
WES: COOL! Hand it over.
HOBBIE: Sorry Wes, we’re all outta time. We’ll have to do it next week.
WES: DAMN! You and your stupid joke.
HOBBIE: Yeah but you laughed.
WES: I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. . .
Got a question? Need an answer? Send it to ‘Ask A Rogue’ and Wes or Hobbie will give you their best smart arse remark. Unless of course you require an intelligent answer which is when they call on Tycho Celchu (or perhaps anyone else in Rogue Squadron) for assistance.
Top Ten Han Solo Regrets
10. I should have gotten together with Salla. Leia is never home, she can't cook and, Chewie and me get stuck with the kids when we could be smuggling spice!!
9. Installing Internet Explorer in the Falcon...it keeps shorting out the Hyperdrive
8. Han Solo: Hey, Luke - you are a good pilot and shooter, why don't you come with me and surf the galaxy ? Luke: Okay, let's go man !
7. Should have used the old "rubber band attached to the blaster" trick on Vader back on Bespin
6. A load of spice? Sure Jabba, I'll help you out.
5. Should have gotten that "lifetime debt" from some cool twi'lek chick.
4. I wish I had asked for more money from that old guy
3. Hurting Lando's feelings by telling him he was the only black guy in the entire galaxy
2. Really being scruffy lookin’.
1. Not taking the money and flying away, never looking back.
Â©2000 the readers of TheForce.Net; Majes Wasnos, Miguel Galy, Ragnar Evensen, Walter Danek, Jedi Wes, Tim Herring, Yoda, pigeons xnet, Darthboy, Jayzee
Episode I’s climatic space battle which had the Naboo starfighters dogfighting with the trade Federation droid fighters came under the responsibility of one of the three Visual Effects Supervisors; John Knoll.
And his list of credits is impressive. He’s worked on such films as Mission: Impossible, the Star Wars Trilogy Special Edition, Star Trek: First Contact as the Visual Effects Supervisor and as a Computer Graphics Project Designer on The Abyss.
And if that ain’t impressive enough the guy along with his brother, authored the program Photoshop.
AND Knoll also has a cameo in Episode I as a Naboo pilot. “I get blown up,” Knoll laughs. “I’m the only pilot you actually see die.”
Do you know what a Vornskr is?
If you’re familiar with the Timothy Zahn trilogy of Star Wars novels then you’d have a clue at what I’m talking about.
And now there’s a website to celebrate the Force sensitive predatory canine animals.
As well as a host of facts, eg: “Vornskr: A predatory canine native to the planet Myrkr. Dangerous tail as it contains a mild poison. Natural hatred of Jedi...” you can also adopt your own Vornskr. Which makes me think that the young site owner has a future in marketing.
Check out [website no longer exists] for a definitive education in the Vornskr, pick up your own pup if that’s your kind of thing and owner loves feedback.
Top Ten Reasons to Reject a Padawan
Continuously insists that the Sith "Aren't all bad, once you get to know them".
Discovered he cheated on his Midichlorian tests.
Maybe because he is destined to become evil personified, kill all your friends, help establish an evil empire, kill you, and father the biggest whiner in the galaxy.
He sounds more like a fortune cookie than Yoda.
Gets winded by chewing his food
Cackles in a sinister manner while trying to choke womprats
Just cut off a finger for the second time this week with his lightsaber
Keeps repeating, "I'll destroy you master, and your little Republic too".
He chain-smokes, regularly loses his lightsaber in card games, and calls all female aliens "honey."
The Padawan asks Yoda, "Hey, what species are you, anyway?"
If he/she keeps saying, "Yeah man, whatever...just get to the vulcan nerve pinch!"
"Accidentally" constructs a double-bladed lightsaber and occasionally mutters under his breath things like: "At last we will have REVENGE..." followed my maniacal laughter
Keeps bragging how he's gonna pick up chicks, once he's got this "force" thing under his control ....
Shows up wearing a cape....and nothing else
Hums when using a lightsaber.
"What's that?" "What does this do?" "Do I get a lightsaber?" "When?" "What happens if I make one now?" "But I want one NOW!!!" and so on.....
Thinks a lightsaber comes in 5 fruit flavors
The Imperial March plays every time you’re near him
He always refers to your friends as "pathetic life forms"
He rubs in the fact that YOU are not ON the Jedi Council
All other Jedi refer to him as "the one that might kill us all"
Keeps using the Force to pants people.
Â©2000 the readers of TheForce.Net; XWING68, Darth Tanian, Mace Window, J. Orcadi, Greg Baird, Nate Henry, Rufus Holmes, Mistress Qui-Gon, Craig Chasseur, sjohn89244, Lady Ann Kenobi, Charlemagne, Jeff Edsall, Bonita, Scott Woodard, Cobalt Blade, Michael Phillips, Aubri, SWdacagurl_007, Lady Ann Kenobi
That's All Folks!
The RebelPilot site (http://rebelpilot.sweeetnet.com) had an influx of new material. A digitally manipulated pic or two, a couple of additions to RebelPark, Humour has had an injection of back issue vitriolic comment and wit and the links have been updated.
Oh yeah there's also the NEWS. Hayden Christensen has moved to Sydney. even though the cuteFTP trial has expired I could still upload files one at a time. and thanks to Cameron Smith who informs bme that Dreamweaver has an FTP function. I'll play around with it and see how it goes. I've still got more links to come with sites that have graciously placed me in their links. www.starwalking.net being one of them (and it's a very interesting site).
RebelPilot:>o<: = = = = = = = = = = = (-o-)
Be sure to forward this email to your Star Wars loving friends.
RebelPilot is FREE. If you're a Star Wars fan you'd be nuts not to subscribe.
Sign up? Send a blank email to firstname.lastname@example.org
Opt out? Send a blank email to email@example.com
This ezine is in no way sponsored or endorsed by: George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, LucasArts Entertainment Co, LucasBooks, Skywalker Sound, THX, Industrial Light & Magic or anything else that George has his fingers in. Star Wars and all its characters are Â© ,Â®, and whatever other little symbols George wishes to slap on his creative works.
All witty remarks, retorts and repartee is Â©2000 RebelPilot unless otherwise specified. Any use of the contents from this ezine without permission is strictly prohibited... and frankly, not a very nice thing to do. If you want to use it, just ask.