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50 Rib Tickling One-Liners (Pun Intended)

Updated on July 12, 2008
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Born 28th September 551 to 479 BC.Born 28th September 551 to 479 BC.
Born 28th September 551 to 479 BC.
Born 28th September 551 to 479 BC.
Born 28th September 551 to 479 BC.
Born 28th September 551 to 479 BC.

About The Great Philosopher


Kong Qiu or Kong Zi was an Ancient Chinese thinker and philosopher, who is more commonly known as Confucius. His teachings and philosophy have deeply influenced China and other countries. He was a revered leader in philosophy whose theories and phrases can be found in the school textbooks in China. His thinking is called as Confucianism, and has become the base of education in China. His teachings were mostly about the life, government and law. He deeply understood human behaviour and his thoughts are considered as rules for a successful life.

Disclaimer : Not intended to hurt anyone's feelings. The only intend is some fun through these puns.

The Funny Side Of Confucius

Confucius Says :

1. Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

2. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

3. Man with one chopstick go hungry.

4. Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.

5. Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

6. Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

7. Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

8. Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.

9. Man who pee on electric fence receive shocking news.

10. Man who sleep in bed of nails is holy.

11. Man who sit on tack get point.

12. Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.

13. Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.

14. Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

15. Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.

16. Man who run in front of car, get tired.

17. Man who run behind car, get exhausted.

18. Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.

19. Condom should be used on every conceivable occasion.

20. Bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

21. Woman who cook carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.

22. Man who go to sleep with itchy butt, wake with smelly fingers.

23. He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.

24. Virginity like balloon-one prick, all gone.

25. Baseball all wrong-man with four balls can't walk.

26. Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.

27. Secretary not permanent until she screwed on desk.

28. Man with tool in woman mouth May not necessarily be dentist.

29. Couple on 7-day honeymoon make hole weak.

30. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

31. Man who excels at putting worm on hook is Master Baiter.

32. Man young when he snatches kisses, old when he kisses snatches.

33. Schoolboy who play with schoolgirl during wrong period, get caught red-handed.

34. Squirrel who run up woman's leg not find nuts.

35. Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly.

36. Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

37. Man who put rooster in ice compartment take out stiff cock.

38. No difference between man and mouse - both end in pussy.

39. Woman who wear wonder-bra make mountains out of molehills.

40. Learn to masturbate, come in handy.

41. Woman who spend much time on bedspring may get offspring.

42. Man who put cream in tart not always baker.

43. Girls should not marry basketball players - they dribble before they shoot.

44. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

45. Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

46. Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.

47. Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.

48. Man who sit on tack get point.

49. Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy.

50. Folk who make Confucius joke speak bad english.


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    • profile image

      how to increase vertical 9 years ago

      This Hub is something very interesting and quite mystical too...

    • profile image

      JULIANA:)  9 years ago

      NICE PIX:):):)

    • barryrutherford profile image

      Barry Rutherford 9 years ago from Queensland Australia

      dear you hear about the man who picked his nose too much ? His head caved in !

    • profile image

      Free Car Quotes 9 years ago

      Great Hub you have here :) please read my new hub about getting free online car quotes...