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RAMMSTEIN: How to Convert Someone Into a Rammstein Fan Without Scaring Them Shitless

Updated on July 13, 2014

Yes I know, it's a tough concept to grasp, but not everyone understands why Rammstein is the greatest band thats ever existed.

To some, the dark, heavy, loud, harsh and incendiary world of Rammstein instantly presses their internal "HOLY HELL THIS IS AWESOME" button. For others, however, this isn't always the case. How someone couldn't find the combination of flamethrowers, fireworks and heavy german industrial metal awesome is beyond me, but this page will provide you with a proven method that slowly transitions a non-fan into a raging fan, without scaring them off at the first sound of Till Lindemann's godlike guttural vocals. And If by the end of this process they don't like Rammstein, then you probably shouldn't have been talking to them in the first place.

Buch Dich
Buch Dich

INTRO:

The Don'ts

DO NOT:

1.) Do not let their first impression of Rammstein be a play-by-play of Rammstein's performance of Buch Dich. I know it may be one of the first things you want to tell them about, but REFRAIN. It could set an uneasy tone for the rest of the conversion process, and make it harder to convince them of how awesome Rammstein is.

2.) Do not let them wonder YouTube without your guidance during the first phase. They could stumble upon ^this^, or the Mann Gegen Mann or Pussy music video. Once again, we want to save these more controversial Rammstein tidbits for later on, so as to not turn them off right away.

3.) Do not rip their head off and put salt in their wounds or put barbed wire in their urethral tract if they insult Till Lindemann, or any other member of the band. They don't yet understand that these men are Gods. Contain your rage.

4.) Do not talk about the lyric translations of songs that involve rape, incest, molestation, murder, etc. On second thought...just don't discuss their lyrics in general.

5.) Don't tell them that Till Lindemann ejaculated on you when you saw them in concert.

"Love is There for Everyone", there is a Rammstein song for everyone too!
"Love is There for Everyone", there is a Rammstein song for everyone too!

PHASE ONE:

Lets get started...

As of August 2012, Rammstein has released 6 albums (excluding the Made in Germany greatest hits album). Rammstein's sound has evolved over the span of these albums. Each one has a distinct vibe and sound to it. In their earlier albums (Herzeleid, Sehnsucht), lead singer Till Lindemann's vocals are much more guttural and harsh, and the music is more electronic, rhythmic, and fast paced. I have found that when Rammstein virgins listen to songs from these albums, they laugh and respond with something along the lines of "WTF is this and why are we listening to it" (if this happens, refer to #3 of the 'Donts'). While there may be songs from these albums that you may think are some of Rammstein's best songs, to a Rammstein virgin, all they can hear is Hitler making a speech in sync to disco metal music.

So what song should take their Rammstein virginity?

Well, you should analyze the person you are showing the song to, and what kind of music they are currently into. If they are already into metal/heavy rock music, you could play more of Rammstein's heavier songs. If you're trying to get your Michael Buble loving mother to listen to Rammstein, well you'd probably be best off starting her with Stirb Nicht Vor Mir. If you're trying to convert a Lady Gaga lover, or any other sort of disco electronic fan, you may even want to consider playing a Rammstein Techno Remix. You want to play a song for them that gets them thinking, "Huh, Rammstein isn't the crazy, scary, heavy metal german band i thought they were".

Suggested first time listening:

- Ohne Dich

- Haifisch

- Ich Tu Dir Weh (Only If they can't speak German)

- Mann Gegen Mann (Just the song, not the video)

- Amerika

- Fruhling In Paris

- Roter Sand

After listening to these songs, they should feel a little more at ease about Rammstein, and more open to listening to more music by them.

PHASE TWO:

So, they haven't ran off yet? Good. That means you're doing well.

So they now now the very basics of Rammstein. They're a german speaking rock band, the singer has a low voice, and the guitars have have heavy distortion that blends well with the synths to make nice tunes. Not so scary, right?

Well. You can only go so long with introducing someone to Rammstein until you stumble upon a track like Weiner Blut, Links 2 3 4, Waidmanns Heil, Rein Raus, or Mein Teil that will get their hearts racing, perhaps making them feel uncomfortable, or even scared. A way to use this to your advantage is to introduce these songs to them at strategic times. For example, if you're going to work out with this person, tell them to listen to Links 2 3 4 to pump them up. If they just broke up with their significant other, have them listen to Feuer Und Wasser and explain the lyrics. If you know they are going to "get it in" soon, have them listen to P*ssy. Wait, your friend is a hermaphrodite? Great! Have them listen to Zwitter! Always remember, there is a Rammstein song for every situation/emotion. Try to pair these songs with this persons emotions; if done successfully this can greatly increase your chances of a successful conversion

Suggesting Phase Two Listening:

- Links 2 3 4

- Waidmanns Heil

- Sonne

- Mein Herz Brennt

- Wo Bist Du

- Stein Um Stein

- Ich Will

PHASE THREE:

Whip out the classics. It's Büch Dich time.

At this point, they have a pretty good idea of who Rammstein is, what they sound like, and what to expect. At this point, it is safe to play songs from the earlier albums. The sound should not come as much of a shock to them as they are now familiar with Till's voice, and they will be able to better appreciate the difference in the sound of the albums and enjoy the more upbeat electronic qualities of the songs.

Suggested Listening:

- Tier

- Buch Dich

- Du Reichst So Gut

- Weisses Fleisch

- Heirate Mich

- Sehsucht

- Wollt Ihr Das Bett In Flammen Sehen

CONGRATS! By this time, you should have created a Rammstein fan. If not, they will at least have a newfound respect and appreciation for the band. Don't forget to show them live concert videos from youtube, as this could make them appreciate/like the band even more.

Now go blast some Rammstein with your friend and demonstrate the Till Hammer!

FAVORITE RAMMSTEIN ALBUM - And let everyone know why you chose that album!

Which of Rammstein's albums is your favorite?

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Rammstein

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