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Snow Shoveling Humor

Updated on June 28, 2014

My Love and Hate Relationship with Snow

I love the beautiful white scenery of snow. I love watching as if falls from the sky and covers the trees with its blanket.

There are so many fun activities that one can do in the snow. Downhill skiing, cross-country skiing, sledding, snow moiling, making a snow angel and creating a happy snowman. Many industries relay on the snow. Farmers need the snow to give the moisture and covering over the ground in order to produce a good harvest.

I despise snow. The air is so cold and windy. Snow is slipper and dangerous on sidewalks and the road.

You can say that I have a love/hate relationship with snow.

The Diary of a Snow Shoveler (Author Unknown) - December 8-15

(on Wiki)
(on Wiki)

("Grandma Moses 25 Masterworks")

December 8

6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16-22

(on Wiki)
(on Wiki)

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for one hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23-25

(on Wiki)
(on Wiki)

December 23

Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24

6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25

Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

Snow Shovel

Suncast SC2700 20-Inch Snow Shovel/Pusher Combo with Wear Strip And D-Grip Handle
Suncast SC2700 20-Inch Snow Shovel/Pusher Combo with Wear Strip And D-Grip Handle

Well, you really can't "Shovel It" without a good snow shovel.

 

December 26 to January 8

Wonderful LIfe (on Wiki)
Wonderful LIfe (on Wiki)

("It's A Wonderful Life Jimmy Stewart 1947")

December 26

Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now suing me for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun don't shine. The wife went home to Missouri to visit her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

The Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Snow Removal on Amazon

Safe Shoveling Tips

Experts warn that snow shoveling is not the exercise to use to start getting in shape.

To prevent injury:

* Don't shovel snow after smoking, or eating a heavy meal -- these activities all put an extra load on our cardiovascular system.

* Dress in layers so clothing can be peeled off as the body becomes warm. Overheating puts extra strain on the heart.

* Wear a scarf over nose and mouth to avoid breathing cold air.

* Wear a hat to retain body heat.

* Pace yourself taking frequent rest breaks.

* Shovel safely by bending legs slightly at the knee, letting thigh muscles do most of the pushing and lifting work; this will reduce strain on the heart and back.

* Use a shovel with a small scoop and keep loads light and small.

* Stay hydrated! You are sweating more than you realize. Be sure to drink plenty of fluids before and after shoveling to replenish the fluids lost in the process.

Source: Hope Heart Institute

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    • ZenandChic profile image

      Patricia 8 years ago

      Nice lens!

    • nightbear lm profile image

      nightbear lm 8 years ago

      Enjoyed your lens. Nice sense of humor.

    • ssuthep profile image

      ssuthep 8 years ago

      I too love snow. Beautiful pictures and enjoyed reading your content. *****

    • profile image

      HomeTowne_Market 8 years ago

      Woooo Hooo- Welcome to Michigan. ROFL! That is soooo my life every winter. I laughed so hard because it is all so true. I have shoveled roofs, had pipes freeze - ah the life. Thanks for the chuckle! 5*

    • RuthCoffee profile image

      RuthCoffee 8 years ago

      Snow is truly an amazing and beautiful thing...but too much of a good thing isn't so much.

    • Rich-H profile image

      Rich 8 years ago from Surrey, United Kingdom

      Coming from NE Ohio, I can relate lol! Some funny stuff here. Enjoyed it! 5*s

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      Fantastic idea! I've seen versions of this poem and I think it's GREAT that you've turned it into such a well done lens!

    • Wendy L Henderson profile image

      Wendy Henderson 8 years ago from PA

      Great lens. I loved the story.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      Great lens, funny story.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      Cute and appropriate for this crazy winter weather. Thanks!

    • profile image

      Smartshops 8 years ago

      Cool lens from someone who has shoveled his share of the powder! 5*'s Back at you! Thanks for visiting Smartshops!

    • BarryKrost profile image

      BarryKrost 8 years ago

      When I lived in Chicago I once used a snow blower 5 times in one day. I now live in San Antonio.

    • profile image

      Tarra99 8 years ago

      I need this humour this time of year...going down to -25 here tonight...brrrrrrr.

      Think I may start up a new business..."Canadian snow for sale!" :o)

      Thanks for stopping by my "how to reuse old toothbrushes" lens...I appreciate it!

    • religions7 profile image

      religions7 8 years ago

      :) want to join my Humor and Hilarity group?

    • DawnMathisenakaC profile image

      DawnMathisenakaC 8 years ago

      LOL I enjoyed this lens! Great look at Snow Shoveling Humor! It was 35 here last night which may sound like a heat wave except I'm in Florida! Gone are the snow shoveling days but I well remember them from when I lived in New Jersey! Thanks for a great read and a few chuckles. 5*!

    • profile image

      warzypants 8 years ago

      Good story. How much of it was true?

    • TonyPayne profile image

      Tony Payne 8 years ago from Southampton, UK

      Nice lens, very good setting for an old story, always good to read. 5*****

    • Andy-Po profile image

      Andy 8 years ago from London, England

      Great lens.

    • profile image

      Vacation-In-My-Head 8 years ago

      This is a great lens. I used to live in Ohio so I can completely feel the guys pain in the story...lol 5*'s

    • profile image

      SolarFeline 8 years ago

      Very funny lens. You gotta have humor when dealing with that much snow. Hang in there - Spring is just around the corner :-)

    • profile image

      Gail47 8 years ago

      Fantastic lens! The shoveling and snow plow sequence is almost too true to be funny!

    • profile image

      AffiliateSystems 8 years ago

      Ouch! Great lens! 5 *'s

    • profile image

      Marijoyce 8 years ago

      This is great. And boy does it bring back memories of living nine years in snow country. First time I saw a big snow there I was thinking "how lovely." That feeling went away fast. Very funny lens here. Also, loved the Grandma Moses illustration here.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      This is so cute and soooo true for those of us living in snowland!

    • Mortira profile image

      Mortira 8 years ago

      We just had a huge snowfall after weeks of T-shirt weather. Those safe shovelling tips will come in handy!

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      lol loved it, reminds me of living here in Canada during the winter.

      Squidoo Circle of Friends

    • Ramkitten2000 profile image

      Deb Kingsbury 8 years ago from Flagstaff, Arizona

      This is great! And, unfortunately, almost too familiar (except maybe the part from Dec. 30th on).

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      Snow can be lovely and snow can be hard work. I lived in the Canary Islands for some years and now I am back in Sweden and the snow. Nice lens you made! 5*

    • religions7 profile image

      religions7 7 years ago

      Great lens - you've been blessed by a squidoo angel :)

    • TonyPayne profile image

      Tony Payne 7 years ago from Southampton, UK

      Very funny, 5***** and warmly welcomed to the Laugh Away group. I have also Favorited it and Lensrolled to my Humor lenses.

    • profile image

      julieannbrady 7 years ago

      You know, snow shoveling really kept me in shape! Maybe you need to send a little of that snow our way? ;)

    • Home Interior D profile image

      Home Interior D 7 years ago

      Marvellously amusing diary. The ending was terrific. I live in an area where we only get a little snow each year. The idea of having so much of the white stuff that you have to shovel it clear is like a dream to me. Great lens!

    • andreaberrios lm profile image

      andreaberrios lm 7 years ago

      Great lens, very nice! 5*

    • SoyCandleLover profile image

      BW Duerr 7 years ago from Henrietta, New York

      I love this story. Thanks for the memories. I wish I could say that 2nd sentence for real, but I still live in Upstate New York. :D 5 stars.

    • Dianne Loomos profile image

      Dianne Loomos 7 years ago

      A similar story to this one used to circulate in Tahoe when we lived there. Funny and almost true some years! Nice job!

    • evelynsaenz1 profile image

      Evelyn Saenz 7 years ago from Royalton

      This is one thing that I certainly don't miss about Vermont. I haven't used a snow shovel in years. Thank you for reminding me why we live in Florida.

    • RuthCoffee profile image

      RuthCoffee 7 years ago

      I love that first big snow. Even the snow shoveling. After that, I'm pretty much done with it. We have winters here where we sometimes don't really get all that much, but other winters we have several big ones. Oh, those mornings, getting up at 4:00 to clear a tunnel to the road so that I can get to work on time....what fun.

    • CherylsArt profile image

      Cheryl Paton 7 years ago from West Virginia

      The best kind of snow is when it just lays on the grass! : )

    • Tiffany3 profile image

      Tiffany3 7 years ago

      Cute lens! Hehe, my husband always tells me he saw a show once that proclaimed young men have heart attacks from shoveling snow. Oh the excuses...

    • profile image

      roadroamer 7 years ago

      Very funny. Though my back is hurting just thinking about shoveling more snow... great work!

    • hlkljgk profile image

      hlkljgk 7 years ago from Western Mass

      :) fun read

    • CastleRoyLisa profile image

      Lisa 6 years ago from Rhode Island

      fun fun I love snow it is so pretty but hate to Shovel

    • norma-holt profile image

      norma-holt 6 years ago

      Nice good humour lens. I don't know how anyone can love snow. Its cold, wet, slippery, and above all too glary for me. It also destroys my garden. But I love the lens.

    • LissaKlar LM profile image

      LissaKlar LM 6 years ago

      OMG we have been out FOUR TIMES to shovel the walk over the past 5 hours. It just won't stop! So I just read this out loud to my husband and we had a really good laugh! Thanks, this is great.

    • Virginia Allain profile image

      Virginia Allain 6 years ago from Central Florida

      Had to laugh, but that's why we live in Florida.

      Lensrolled to:

      Remove Snow with the Right Tools

      Making Snowflakes Online at Snowdays

    • LouisaDembul profile image

      LouisaDembul 6 years ago

      Reminds me of the reason of living abroad- I don't have to shovel any snow!

    • Faye Rutledge profile image

      Faye Rutledge 6 years ago from Concord VA

      So funny...loved it! Lensrolled this to my Ice Traction Cleats lens. I think he could have used a pair, he wouldn't have fell on the ice. :)

    • rlivermore profile image

      rlivermore 6 years ago

      I can relate to this except that I'm not happy at any part of the snow process, even at the beginning.

    • profile image

      ohcaroline 6 years ago

      This is how snow shoveling goes...the first of the season it is so wonderful...then month by month you are so glad spring is coming. I have done my share of snow shoveling before I moved to Florida. I can relate.

    • KOrazem profile image

      Seeking Pearls 6 years ago from Pueblo West

      Fun read. Living in Colorado requires a little bit of shoveling, but nothing like South Dakota.

    • profile image

      hershel01 6 years ago

      Very good lens, I enjoyed it much but wishing the snow will end soon and spring will start parking.

    • MargoPArrowsmith profile image

      MargoPArrowsmith 6 years ago

      Love it!

    • Michey LM profile image

      Michey LM 6 years ago

      Hi! Sandy, this is funny... guess what we have so much snow in NE this year... what is left is t make fun of it! But I cannot wait to get a spring... for a change!

      Regards

    • Terry Boroff profile image

      Terry Boroff (flipflopnana) 6 years ago from FL

      So funny and exactly why I moved south!

    • KimGiancaterino profile image

      KimGiancaterino 6 years ago

      Humor to the rescue ... and I am so glad I live in California!

    • AnnsHomeDecor profile image

      AnnsHomeDecor 6 years ago

      Really funny. Says it all for the winter we have had so far!

    • profile image

      Ruthi 6 years ago

      I see no humor in shoveling snow, but you've succeeded in making light of the white stuff!

    • profile image

      atvaccess 3 years ago

      I would rather use my ATV snow plow to clear the sidewalks.

    • SandyMertens profile image
      Author

      Sandy Mertens 3 years ago from Frozen Tundra

      @atvaccess: That is so much nicer then a shovel.

    • profile image

      LadyDuck 3 years ago

      I want to buy a little snow thrower, I am tired to shovel every year.

    • SandyMertens profile image
      Author

      Sandy Mertens 3 years ago from Frozen Tundra

      @LadyDuck: Once you have a snow thrower, you won't want to go back.

    • favored profile image

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      The North East is having another bout of snow! More stories for sure. I'm looking forward to spring.

    • SandyMertens profile image
      Author

      Sandy Mertens 3 years ago from Frozen Tundra

      @favored: The Midwestern States too. Those they are more north east.

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