Succeeding In A Job Interview

Unfortunately, the job interview is an almost unavoidable experience. Despite the fact that there have been many articles, blogs and even books written on this subject, fully preparing yourself for the ordeal can still seem a hopeless task. So, to help you out, I've decided to list 12 top tips on how to get through your interview. I can only assume that my advice is highly innovative and cutting-edge as, strangely enough, I haven't seen it mentioned anywhere else before...

1. Your interviewer will have met many applicants over the years and so will be able to see through any facade that you put up. Therefore, it is very important to be yourself. This means that you should turn up wearing whatever you would usually don around your house, e.g. jogging trousers, flip-flops, an old T-shirt... even go naked if that's how you are most comfortable.
2. Being nice can get you a long way. Buy your interviewer flowers, chocolates and a small (it's important not to go overboard) cuddly toy.
3. To be taken seriously as a potential employee, you need to display a fighting spirit and the heart and soul of a champion. Show this by playing 'Eye of the Tiger' as you walk into the room. Maybe even sing along to really get your message across.
4. Give a really strong handshake to show who is boss. Any pain the interviewer feels will be minuscule compared to their overwhelming feelings of awe and respect towards you.
5. When you are asked to sit say, 'Oh no, I'd rather stand actually'. This will demonstrate a strong character and show that you are just the kind of employee they would want on their team.
6. Your interviewer needs to feel like they understand you as a person and not just as a name on a piece of paper. To make this happen, take a family photo album into the room with you and take your time to show/explain every single picture. The more anecdotes the better.
7. Sometimes nervous tension can really hinder you during an interview. So, if at any point you can feel the nerves taking hold of you, just say, 'Do excuse me a moment' and proceed on to star jumps, press-ups and cartwheels to release that nasty, bottled-up energy.
8. Showing you understand the balance between life and work is of utmost importance. Employers do not want colleagues whose attendance and productivity are negatively impacted from work related stress. So draw attention to your more chilled-out side by bringing a bottle of gin in with you and casually taking a swig every now and then (not too much though...show you are a responsible drinker).
9. So as to increase your likeability factor, and so help your interviewer to connect with you on an emotional level, launch, unprompted, into a heart-wrenching story of the worst experiences/points of your life. For maximum effect cry/ scream/ wail/ tug at hair/ rock back and forth/ collapse on floor.
10. To impress in an interview, you need to speak confidently and utilise a good range of vocabulary. This means that, if you cannot think of an appropriate word to use, you should make one up. For this to work, you need to say it boldly, without hesitation and to make it as long as possible.
11. Regardless of your chosen career, employers will want to recruit applicants who are well-rounded, capable individuals. The interview is your chance, therefore, to demonstrate your most unique and skilful party trick. Whether you do the splits, lick your elbow, or even perform the entire routine to 'Singing in the Rain', you will be sure to win over your steely interviewer.
12. Remember, confidence is a key attribute that employers will always look for when recruiting anyone. it is vital therefore, when the interviewer says that they will 'be in touch', to reply as so:

    - 'No, that's all right, mate. I'm sure I have the job anyway. I'll let you know when I've made up MY mind.'