the great butt war of 08
The great butt war of 08 happened in my house, Thanksgiving weekend of 2008. What is a butt war you may ask? Well you will have to read the rest of this story to find out.
Thanksgiving for my family is usually a quiet holiday. Most of my husbands and my family live in Colorado and New Mexico so it is difficult for everyone to get together for holidays. My family, meaning my husband, me and our three children usually spend this holiday by ourselves. This is the way it has been for about eleven years so it really doesn't feel abnormal for us. We have the traditional turkey dinner with all the trimmings and when our dinner is over we go watch a movie or play board games and have a generally nice time together.
This year would be a little less traditional for us. My husbands cousin decided that they would come to Oklahoma to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with us This was a great surprise and we were very excited.
I got busy making plans to make a traditional meal of turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, yams, homemade dinner rolls, a vegetable tray, pumpkin pies, pecan pies, deviled eggs, green bean casserole, and so on. My husband decided the day before his family was to arrive that we needed to add a ham to the already hefty menu. My daughter then went to buy a ham.
My daughter did not return with any ordinary ham, no, this was the king of hams. A ham like I had never seen before, a monster.I just knew that I did not have a pan big enough in my arsenal of cooking paraphernalia to hold this monstrous ham but I looked anyway, of course without any luck. I then remembered a gift I had received a few Christmases ago, an electric roaster. I dug the roaster out of the closet it had been stored in, cleaned it up and proceeded to place the humongous ham in it. After wrestling with the ham I finally got it in the pan at a slight angle because that is the only way it would fit.
Thanksgiving dinner went on without any problems. The meal was nice and the company was even better. We ate and laughed and talked and had a great time.
Now here is when the problems begin to happen. What are we to do with what's left of this ginormous ham? When you have a house full of people and a lot of left over ham the only logical thing to do is make a huge pot of ham and beans, and that is exactly what I did. This is what started the great butt war of 08.
I should have thought the idea through a little more thoroughly before making the pot of ham and beans, but I think I was high on pie and sweets. It never occurred to me that when you feed a house full of people beans that the end effects will not be good. And so the war began.
My son started the war and then my husband joined in, then his cousin and then his nephew, and pretty soon we were all passing gas to the tune of silent night, holy night. Ironic isn't it? The night was most definitely not silent and after many farts and many more squirts of air freshener it was bed time.
I knew that I was probably in trouble going to bed that night, I am after all no match for husband and his gas. I thought about having another bowl of beans before hitting the sack but my poor little chihuahua who sleeps between us looked up at me with her sad little eyes and pleaded for mercy. I knew I couldn't put her through more of the horror she was already going to experience, so I went to bed without the second helping of ammunition.
My husband had won that battle of the great butt war of 08, but the war is not over. My husband stated that I brought a BB gun to a gun battle and of course me and my chi paid the price, but there is still a bowl or two of beans leftover in the refrigerator, and I will eat them as soon as the dog let's me near the refrigerator and round two will commence. This time I will be more heavily armed and I will win, I am determined.