- Entertainment and Media
The Daily Joke For May
The Daily Joke - A Joke A Day For May
Telling jokes, good funny jokes that is, can be great therapy, and there is nothing quite like making people laugh to help create a good atmosphere too. Everyone could use a joke every day don't you think?
If only people could laugh and joke more, this world of ours might be a happier place to live in. People look so much better with a big grin on their face than a frown don't you think?
Some good clean jokes, something to make us laugh, is often the best medicine for sadness, to combat stress, and to relieve what might otherwise be a boring or tedious day.
So join us here with The Daily Joke, and remember more clean jokes get added every day, so keep coming back throughout the month.
The daily jokes here are not in any particular category, they are the best of what I find to add each day. I do also have lenses for jokes in a specific category, like Religious Jokes, Golf Jokes - the list could go on.....
The Daily Joke - 1st May
The Daily Joke - History Lesson
Teacher: " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but he also admitted doing it."
"Now" added the teacher, "do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
One Student: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
The Daily Joke - 2nd May
The Daily Joke - City Scouts
Some boy scouts from the city were on a camping trip.
The mosquitoes were so fierce that the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten.
Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, "We might as well give up. They're coming after us with flashlights".
The Daily Joke - 3rd May
The Daily Joke - Old Doctor Carver
Old Dr. Carver still made house calls.
One Afternoon, he was called to the Tuttle House.
Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain.
The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer"?
A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage and returned with a hammer.
The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom.
A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel"?
Mr. Tuttle complied with the request.
In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw.
The last request got to Mr. Tuttle.
He asked, "What are you doing to my wife"?
"Not a thing," replied old doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument bag open."
The Daily Joke - 4th May
The Daily Joke - Breaking In
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"
The Daily Joke - 5th May
The Daily Joke - Hard Of Hearing
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, " Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
The Daily Joke - 6th May
The Daily Joke - Blonde Car Trouble
Suzie meets up with Sandi as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
Suzie asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness" Sandi replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah I was, but he didn't. I was SO relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid."
The Daily Joke - 7th May
The Daily Joke - Fish Heads
A customer at Abe's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.
"Tell me, Abe, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Abe replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear, "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Abe.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Abe.
The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Abe," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. ...You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Abe. "You're smarter already."
The Daily Joke - 8th May
The Daily Joke - Speeding
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood
when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
The Daily Joke - 9th May
The Daily Joke - Teaching Maths Over The Years
Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. )
Teaching Maths 2020
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من
الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟
The Daily Joke - 10th May
The Daily Joke - At The Beach
Little Johnny was walking down the beach, and as he did so, he saw a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand.
He walked up to her and asked, "Do you go to church every week?"
"Yes." she replied.
"Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes."
"Do you know the Ten Commandments?"
"Yes, I do." she answered, with a smile.
"Do you keep them all?" Johnny asked.
She nodded her head, "Yes, I do." she said.
With that he asked his final question, "Will you hold my dollar while I go swimming?"
Top Comedy Shows on Amazon
Did you know that your favorite comedy show is probably now available on DVD?
Amazon have just about every DVD imaginable, and then some, so if you would like to re-live the best moments from your favorite series, have a browse around, there is bound to be something you like on Amazon...
The Daily Joke - 11th May
The Daily Joke - English Is Weird
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
I'm darned if I know... Do you?
The Daily Joke - 12th May
The Daily Joke - The Joys Of Camping
A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining campsite.
Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent.
The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.
A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork."
The father replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."
The Daily Joke - 13th May
The Daily Joke - Lottery Winner
A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the heck out."
The Daily Joke - 14th May
The Daily Joke - Eye Exam
A Polish immigrant went to the Department Of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
The Daily Joke - 15th May
The Daily Joke - Thanks To You
DEAR INTERNET - THANKS TO YOU MY LIFE IS RUINED
Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)
Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas..
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' ! on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda & Singapore a nd Uzbekistan
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day...
Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
The Daily Joke - 16th May
The Daily Joke - Barbecueing Rules
We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season.
Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is
lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some
The Daily Joke - 17th May
The Daily Joke - English Class
It was the first day of school after summer vacation.
The kids had all arrived in the high school English class, and were chatting away, making new friends.
Then in walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats.
The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.
After about a minute or so, he spoke...
"From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom. You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework. Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter."
"The first one is "gross"
"And the other one is "cool"
"Are there any questions?"
After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand, and the teacher calls upon him.
In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks...
"So, what are they?"
The Daily Joke - 18th May
The Daily Joke - Car Accident
I accidentally rear ended a car a few days ago.
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf.
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"
So I said, "WELL THEN, WHICH ONE ARE YOU?"
The Daily Joke - 19th May
The Daily Joke - Skeleton
A very large, old building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper.
Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.
When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the police station and said,
"We're the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it really was Jimmy Hoffa."
The cop said, " Well, it wasn't Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important."
"Well, who was it?"
"The 1956 Polish National Hide-and-Seek Champion!"
The Daily Joke - 20th May
The Daily Joke - The Talking Clock
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at
"Watch," the drunk replied.
He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You ass.... It's three-fifteen in the morning!
The Daily Joke - 21st May - South Park Mac vs PC Commercial Spoof
This is a spoof of the Mac vs PC commercials on tv.
It's pretty funny...
The Daily Joke - 22nd May
The Daily Joke - Wal-Mart Wine
Wal-Mart announced today that sometime in 2013 it will begin offering customers a new discount item... Wal-Mart's own brand of wine.
The world's largest retail chain is rumored to be teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price -- in the $2 to $5 range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for inexpensive wine," said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at the University of Arkansas, Bentonville. "However, branding will be very important."
Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand.
The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:
- Chateau Traileur Parc
- White Trashfindel
- Big Red Gulp
- World Championship Riesling
- Chef Boyardeaux
- Peanut Noir
- I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar
- Grape Expectations
- Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
P.S. Don't bother writing back to tell me that this is a hoax. I do know that possum is not a white meat.
The Daily Joke - 23rd May
The Daily Joke - A Real Groaner
The ship was sinking fast and four sailors were able to get a lifeboat into the water and climb into it safely.
They decided to have a cigarette and relax a few moments before starting their journey to safety.
The cigarettes were dry, but all their matches were wet and they had no way to light their cigarettes.
Finally, one of the sailors came up with a solution.
He threw a cigarette overboard.
This worked well and they were able to smoke, because ...
... the lifeboat had become a cigarette lighter.
The Daily Joke - 24th May
The Daily Joke - Why Is English So Hard?
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on.
If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!
This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers....
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
- The bandage was wound around the wound.
- The farm was used to produce produce.
- The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
- We must polish the Polish furniture.
- He could lead if he would get the lead out.
- The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
- Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
- A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
- When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
- I did not object to the object.
- The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
- There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
- They were too close to the door to close it.
- The buck does funny things when the does are present.
- A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
- To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
- The wind was too strong to wind the sail
- After a number of injections my jaw got number.
- Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
- I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
- How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
The Daily Joke - 25th May
The Daily Joke - Overheard At A Wedding
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
The Daily Joke - 26th May
The Daily Joke - At The Theater
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."
The Daily Joke - 27th May
The Daily Joke - Marriage Thoughts
Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months.
Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day.
One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him.
She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.
"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"
"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.
"I think you're bad luck."
The Daily Joke - 28th May
The Daily Joke - Life After Death
A boss asked one of his employees, "Do you believe in life after death?"
"Yes, sir," replied the new employee.
"I thought you would," said the boss. "Yesterday after you left to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"
The Daily Joke - 29th May
The Daily Joke - Where Did The USA Go Wrong?
The old indian chief sat in his reservation hut, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two US government officials sent to interview him.
"Chief," one official began, "you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress, and all his problems."
The chief nodded.
The official continued, "Considering recent events in the USA, in your opinion, where has the white man gone wrong?"
The chief stared at the government officials and continued smoking his pipe for over a minute, and then calmly replied:
"When white man found this land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. No house payments. No Daycare. Plenty buffalo. Women did all the cooking. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time."
The chief smiled, and added quietly, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve a system like that.
The Daily Joke - 30th May
The Daily Joke - Musician Problems
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer.
He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
The Daily Joke - 31st May
The Daily Joke - Spring Cleaning
Bob goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Bob" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Bob"I knew I could count on you!"
Origin Of The Jokes
A Disclaimer On The Copyright Of These Jokes
Sometimes people ask me "Where did you get these jokes?", and with copyright and plagiarism being rife on the internet these days I honestly can't say that I came up with them, although I did re-write some in the process of creating this page.
I have run a jokes and humor mailing list since the late 1990s, and most of the jokes that I use on my lenses have been circulating via email for years, and via word of mouth and other means for donkeys years before that. Some I even heard when I was a boy, and I bet they weren't new then either.
In most cases nobody knows who started a joke, or who has any ownership of a funny story. If I have used something that you know to be copyrighted, please let me know, and I will be pleased to credit it appropriately or to remove it if that is preferred.
Meantime, let's get back to the business of making people laugh...