ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Top 10 Ways Mr. T Would Pity You...and Beat You Up

Updated on December 5, 2012

Why does Mr. T want to beat you up? Why not.

Mr. T don't play. If you step out of line, he's going to step in your face. Fool.

Based on totally true eyewitness accounts, below you will find the top 10 methods Mr. T has used to put the beatdown on unsuspecting fools. So many fools to pity, so little time.

Enough of the jibba jabba. On with the countdown!

Number 10. Mr. T will stare you to death.

Don't look him in the eyes! He's like Medusa.

Yeah, that's right. If Mr. T happens across you and you're looking all foolish, he can glare at you and cause your heart to stop beating. And then restart it if he so chooses. Which he doesn't.

As is evidenced from the picture, Mr. T's tat says it all--T.C.B. That's right. T is Taking Care of Bidness.

No man can withstand the compound effect of the glaring, disapproving eyes combined with the single biceps pose as pictured here. No man...or woman.


Number 9. Mr. T will run you over with the T-mobile.


What's worse than a 240 pound Mr. T coming at you? A 240 pound Mr. T wrapped in 1 ton of automobile. The T-mobile, that is.

The T-mobile is a fluid object. What this means is Mr. T walks outside and the first car he sees that he likes, he takes. If Mr. T is rollin' deep and spots some fool who obviously needs pitying, he may very well run you down T-mobile style. Only T never rolls over some fool once--it's always twice for good measure.


Number 8. Mr. T flexes his left pectoral and sends you flying through a wall.

That's right. The left one.

Since T is left-handed, it only makes sense that he's left-chested as well. So let's say you're walking down the street one day minding your own business when Mr. T spots you. T sees you for the fool that you are (don't even try to deny it). With a blood-curdling growl, Mr. T sprints toward you as pee trickles down your leg. His huge hulking frame stops just shy of ramming you when suddenly his massive chest heaves forward and KRACKOW! -- smacks your puny arse right through a brick wall.


Mr. T merchandise on - Mr. T DVDs, Mr. T cartoons, Mr. T movies, A-Team, Rocky III

Number 7. T-farts!

That's right. T-farts.

I mean, c'mon. Look at T's facial expression in the pic. His farts are so bad that even he can't even stand them.

It is said that the only time Mr. T will hold his flatulence is during church--if it's a good sermon. Small children, pets, plantlife and the like will all succumb to the bomb that is a T-fart. Paint will melt from walls. Sidewalks will crack. Other farts are embarrassed by their lack of gusto.

Death by T-fart. Yep.


Number 6. Mr T. will pummel you with baseballs.

You're out!

Think I'm playing? Here's photographic evidence. One time Mr. T was in a sneaky, Rambo-hiding-in-the-mud type mood and went undercover as a baseball player. As soon as that little fool of a batboy came around the corner, POP! Ball upside the head. Next time you better run to get those bats and stop dilly dallyin'!

Number 5. Mr. T will sick Mini T on you.

He'll take your lunch money and wrinkle your school clothes!

It is said that Mini T was not birthed, but rather he emerged one day from Mr. T's beard. Born of food crumbs and willpower, this tiny titan will, on command, attack with the ferocity of a...well, a mini Mr. T.

Whatever you do, do not face this duo together. Mr. T will attack high and Mini T will attack low. While Mr. T is punching you about the head and neck area, Mini T is biting your ankle and tying your shoelaces together. Next thing you know you're punching the sidewalk with your face!


Number 4. Mr. T will learn the force and force it down your throat.

Force you, he will.

Fools. Jibba jabba. Airplanes. A Jedi craves not these things.

It's a little known fact that Mr. T has studied the ways of the force. If so inclined, he has the ability to shapeshift into the great Jedi Master himself, Yoda, while still retaining T's likeness.

Yoda-T will flip all around you at lightspeed, severing one of your arms since you are greedy and have two. Next thing you know Yoda-T is beating you with your own arm and shouting, "Stop hitting yourself, fool!"


Number 3. Mr. T will eat your doctor then pretend to be your gynecologist.

Even if you didn't go to the gynecologist.

Somebody order a pap smear? Well, you're getting one!

When T plays doctor, this is the only time, and I repeat, the ONLY time you do not have to address him as Mr. T. In this case, it's Dr. T. Or if he's feeling saucy, it may be Mr. Dr. T.

Don't get it wrong.

Dr. T can take you out any number of ways, but his favorite method tends to be yelling into the stethoscope at your heart and telling it to stop beating. BAM!


Number 2. Mr. T directs you to beat yourself up.

Do it.

In the ultimate act of humiliation, T may direct his foe to pummel himself. There are times where people are so foolish, T knows they are not worthy of the gift that is a Mr. T beatdown.

Allow me to paint the picture. T is walking through the mall (because he got sick of the streets not having enough fools to pity). T happens across this fool, lookin' all fool-like. Mr. T thinks to himself, "Hmm. This fool needs some direction." So T shouts out, "Hey fool! You betta beat yo'self up!!!"


Mr. T Hilarious YouTube Video - Mr. T pitys fool, refuses to board plane

Number 1 -- Mr. T crams your face in his crack, scrunches up his butt cheeks and rips your head off.

I've seen him do it.

This is not pretty. Trust me, you don't want any part of this. Out of all the various ways that Mr. T could do you in, this is by far the worst.

Here's the scene. It's a hot summer day in the mean streets of Chicago. T is sweating profusely and frankly a little swampy. During his routine pity patrol, he comes across you: a fool. Prepare to be pitied upside the head.

T walks slowly toward you, relishing in your fear. You try to escape but your legs are like rubber. T hates rubber. He snatches you up by the neck and crams your face between his butt cheeks. Wait a tic, what's that smell? Too late. SCRUNCH! Off with your head.


Mr. T vs. Chuck Norris -- Poll - Who would win in a fight? Chuck Norris vs Mr. T

Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T!
Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T!

Who would win in a battle royale if tough guy Mr. T fought roundhouse kickin' Chuck Norris?

See results

Are there any Mr. T beatings that we missed here? Just want to talk some jibba jabba about how BA this lens is? You betta say no to school and stay on drugs, fool.

Mr. T's Guestbook - Sign it, fool.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Yoda-T is hilarious.

    • profile image

      Jazroockfree 6 years ago

      The lens is very good. I often see the movie with the title "The A Team", but unfortunately now not play back again.Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      KieranChapman 6 years ago

      Lovers of Mr. T should check out 'The Worlds Craziest Fools' on BBC. Its probably worth a whole lens of its own!

    • MinaMirage profile image

      MinaMirage 6 years ago

      Remind me not to pick a fight with Mr. T. Lol

    • ImpartialGreg profile image

      ImpartialGreg 6 years ago

      Haha! Nice lens!

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      All you need now are some Snicker Youtube Videos!! "Get Some Nuts!!" LoL!!!

    • Othercatt profile image

      Othercatt 7 years ago

      This is hilarious!

    • profile image

      Versatigon 7 years ago

      Ooh man, so many Mr.T collection lying here!

    • ElizabethSheppard profile image

      Elizabeth Sheppard 7 years ago from Bowling Green, Kentucky

      This is definitely original! I love the photos.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: ""

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)