True Blood Quotes
True Blood Quotes Seasons
Here are the best quotes from Season 1 to 4 of True Blood.
The True Blood Quotes are listed in Season order starting with Season 1. As the new Series has started I have moved Season 4 to the top of the list!
With the best quotes from Sookie, Sam, Bill, Lafayette, and my favorite, Eric
True Blood Quotes Season 4
Some of the Best lines in True Blood Season 4
Eric:I KNOW I'm a vampire, Snookie.
Sookie: It's SOOKIE!
"Pam: Did I miss something? Are we girls now? Did we join a book club and read some queer chick lit memoirs and are bound together by estrogen or sisterhood some other feminist drivel?
Sookie: You killed my fairy godmother.
Sookie: What do you want from me?
Nan [to Bill]: You've got Queen on you.
Jessica: I can eat who I want.
Pam: Technology takes all the fun out of being a vampire.
Terry: When I was a kid, I used to put a squirrel head on a lizard body and invent animals.
Eric: Who would you refer to trust? A politician or a vampire?
Eric [upon seeing Sookie naked]: "Such a strange sensation when the reality matches what you've pictured in your mind so precisely."
Lafayette: We'll stay for five minutes. 10 if they got dranks.
Sookie: I have a fairy godmother? Okay, if your job is to look after me, can I just say you suck.
True Blood Season 1 Quotes - The Funniest Quotes for Season 1
Sookie: Wait a minute. I thought you're supposed to be invisible in the mirror.
Bill: We started many of the mysteries about ourselves centuries ago.
Sookie: What about holy water?
Bill: It's just water.
Bill: It's irritating. That's pretty much it.
Sam: Sookie, you have no future with a vampire!
Sookie: They don't die. I've got nothing but a future with one
Jason: Look, Gran, I am the man in this family.
Gran: You are a man in this family, but I am the oldest person here and this is my house. You better respect me boy.
Bill: Actually, I'm the oldest person here
Bill: Can I ask you a personal question?
Sookie: Bill, you were just licking blood outta my head. I don't think it gets much more personal than that
Lafayette: All right, all right. I is on my way. But you might got ta find your own ride home. Just in case I get lucky.
Tara: Whatchu mean if you get lucky? Your standards are so low you always get lucky
Sookie: What I am is telepathic. I can hear people's thoughts.
Bill: Even mine?
Sookie: No. That's why I like you so much. I can't hear you at all. You have no idea how peaceful it is, after a lifetime of... blah, blah, blah
Tara [about Maryann]: So, collecting stray black people. That some kind of hobby of hers?
Eggs: She's right about you. You are funny.
Tara: Oh, yeah? What else she tell you about me?
Eggs: She said you crashed your car with a gallon of whiskey in your lap.
Tara: It was vodka. Really cheap vodka
Orry Dawson: Officially the church can not condone what you did. You took the lives of four women. Women who had tainted themselves and their race. But still human women... But we do recognize that your methods may have been flawed, your intentions were pure.
Jason: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Orry Dawson: That's smart. Don't admit to anything
Bill: She won't listen to me. It will take more time than I have to teach her obedience.
Jessica: I don't obey anybody, those days are over!
Eric: Can't handle one little girl, Bill? New ones can be like this. Man up my friend, she is not even one night old
Sam: [to Arlene, about her party] What do you want it took look like?
Terry: A dÃ©butante ball.
Arlene: Hug your neck! You know exactly what I'm talkin' about.
Sam : How did you know what she wanted?
Terry: My cousin Portia was a deb, from Shreveport when she turned 18. Every Bellefleur woman has been doin' it since they started to have 'em before the Revolutionary war.
Sam: Must be nice to come from such an old family.
Terry: All families are old, Sam. Some just keep better records
Pam [handing Sookie a leather outfit]: Put these on.
Sookie: Oh, thank you. But I'm fine really. I'm just gonna dry out my hair and be on my way.
Pam: You're not going anywhere. Eric and your boyfriend aren't nearly done talking just yet.
Sookie: Is... Bill is some kind of trouble?
Pam: That's for the boys to figure out. Right now what you need to do is change out of your clothes... there's vampire in your cleavage
Sookie: I've been admiring your necklace all day.
Amy: Oh, thanks. It's a lariat. I made it.
Sookie: You make jewelry?
Amy: Easy way to earn extra money. I can make you one if you want.
Sookie: Thanks, but I don't think my boyfriend much likes silver
Amy [entring Merlotte's]: Intense! All these animals on the wall, it's like a natural history museum.
Jason: Hah! I never noticed them.
Amy: How could you not? Everyone of these animals lived a life full of experiences that we can't even imagine!
Jason: Does that weird you out? We could always go someplace else!
Amy: No, no. Everyone has to eat, right? We are all links on the universal food chain. See, squirrel eats nuts, snake eat the squirrel, gator eat the snake... and we can eat pretty much everything we want. It's the circle of life.
Jason: Jesus Christ! I wanna lick your mind!
Amy: Let's have lunch first
Bill: What do you want?
Malcolm: You never called me back. Now if I remember what feelings were, mine might be hurt
Sookie: Wow. I feel a little weak.
Bill: Of course you do. I fed on your blood. You should take some vitamin B-12 to replenish.
Sookie: Will I need to do that everyday?
Bill: If you don't mind, yes. And no garlic
True Blood Season 2 Quotes - Some of the best lines in Season 2 of True Blood
Jason: I love the smell of nail polish in the morning
Sheriff Bud Dearborne: Come by the station in the morning and I'll give you your badge back.
Andy Bellefleur: Really? I won't let you down Bud. And I am never touching another drink again.
Sheriff Bud Dearborne: This town's a hell of a mess and I'm man enough to know I can't shoulder it myself.... You might have your faults Andy but at least you got pants on
Jason: It's like if a tree falls in the woods it's still a tree, ain't it?
Sophie-Anne: Surely you know that everything that exists imagined itself into existence
Sophie-Anne: Maenads are sad, silly things... relics who believe in the God who comes.
Bill: Does he ever come?
Sophie-Anne: Of course not. Gods only exist in humans' minds, like money or morality
Lettie Mae: If only Miss Jeanette was still alive.
Lafayette [about Tara]: She don't need no backwards witch. She needs Thorazine and padded cell
Lafayette [after reciting a prayer]: Jesus and I agreed to see other people, but that don't mean we still don't talk time to time
Bill: Tara, you are safe here. You have to do exactly as I say
Tara: I am not your f**king slave girl
Lafayette: If there ever there was a time to listen to a white man, Tara, this is it
Sookie: Jason, this would be one of those times to use your head.
Jason: Oh, I am. This here is the war I've been training for.
Lorena [to Sookie]: Did you know your boyfriend hit me over the head with a 52 inch plasma television earlier tonight? Everyone says they're so thin and light, but let me tell you, when wielded properly, they're quite a weapon
Jason [about Steve]: That sonuvabitch. It's like he sucked out my brain and planted all his own babies there
Sookie: He's your maker isn't he?
Eric: Don't use words you don't understand.
Sookie: You have a lot of love for him.
Eric: Don't use words I don't understand
Steve: I will not negotiate with sub humans. Kill me. Do it. Jesus will protect me
Godric: I am actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have known him but I missed it
Hoyt: I ain't never done it... with a girl I mean
Jessica: What have you done it with?
Hoyt: Just myself
Jessica: Oh ,so you're a virgin? Oh well, big whoop. So what?
Eric: Tell me, what is that you find so fulfilling about human companionship?
Isabella: They feel much more strongly than we do. Everything is urgent, exciting. Maybe because their lives are so temporary
Eric: Yes, they certainly don't keep well. Do you have the prospect of him growing old, sickly, crippled somewhat repulsive?
Isbaella: No, I find it curious, like a science project
Sarah [about Steve]: He's not the man I thought he was. You're not being trained to defend us. He wants to use you to start a war. He's vicious and he's cruel, and he uses the C word. And he lies to me, Jason. Our marriage has always been a partnership, and now he's shutting me out
Jessica: I'm so happy I could cry, but I won't cause it's gross when I do
Tara: Want me to take a look [at the water heater] and you can hold the line?
Eggs: See that was some spiteful s**t you just said there. I got this.
I'm the man of the house. No offense, Carl..
Carl: None taken
Eric: The vampires here, they're like cowboys. If they don't get Godric back they'll want justice. They'll start attacking people.
Bill: Open aggression against humans? That's insane.
Eric: Well, it's Texas
Hoyt: You should try the chicken fried steak. It's like a chicken and a steak got together and made a baby. A delicious, crispy baby
Jessica: This is so embarrassing. I'd die if i wasn't already dead
Eric: You surprise me. That's rare in a breather.
Sookie: You disgust me.
Eric: Perhaps I'll grow on you.
Sookie: I'd prefer cancer
Bill: She has no humanity, she's in the grips of overwhelming transformations, there will be times when she cannot control even a single impulse...and believe me she HAS many.
Sookie: ...How is that any different from being a teenage girl
Lafayette: Make me a vampire.
Eric: I beg your pardon?
Lafayette: You can put me to work in the bar...I'm a good dancer you've seen it on my site. (Eric walks around to him) Shit, I'd get up there and I'd move Earth and Heaven go-go style.
Eric: You are aware there's a gaping hole in your leg? You're damaged goods.
Lafayette: Not if you turn me. I'd be good as ever. Look I...I'm already a person of poor moral character. So, I hit the ground running and I damn near glamour people already. Gimme what ya'll got...not only will I be a bad-ass vampire, but I'd be your bad-ass vampire
Bill: Your bedtime will be 4 a.m., not a minute later... We also recycle in this house.
True Blood DVDs
True Blood Season 3 Quotes - The best lines so far in season 3
Sookie: I feel better protecting myself, now that I know I am basically vampire crack.
Lafayette: You're a witch, who's a nurse, and a dude? How did I get so lucky?
Alcide: Are you in trouble again?
Sookie: When am I not in trouble?
Sookie: I don't want to baby-sit this psycho while you go take a nap.
Eric [to Pam]: You know I love you more when you're cold and heartless
Russell: Soon, there will be anarchy - and, then, there will be me.
Jessica: I live on human blood, and I'm not gonna stop.
Hoyt: Drink me.
Crystal: All I gotta do is marry my half-brother and let him breed me until I'm old or dead.
Lafayette: We could end up in Hell, or f**kin South Dakota
Pam: Blah, blah... vampire emergency. Blah.
Eric: You know you have feelings for me.
Eric: You really believe he is trustworthy?
Sookie: All I know is I sure as hell can't trust you.
Russell: We will eat you, after we eat your children. Now time for the weather... Tiffany?
Sookie: I don't know how you did things in the 1800s, but keeping a file on the woman you love is... creepy.
Sookie: Just once I'd like to not find a dead body in my house. Is that asking too much?
Talbot: I'm bored. Take off your clothes.
Eric: A little privacy?
Tara: Maybe you can flirt some sense into that girl cuz logic sure ain't working
Jason: You got no right being in my head. That's... trespassing.
Pam: You can dish it out, but you sure can't take it, can you Magister?
Eric: Let's see how this plays out Pam, you can always taunt later.
Summer: I really like you Hoyt and I really want you to taste my biscuits.
Jason: I didn't think I was smart enough to get depressed
Arlene: Please don't eat me, I am pregnant. Oh that probably just made you want to eat me more.
Eric: Please don't take this wrong way Sookie, but shut up.
Jessica: Just because my fangs popped out doesn't mean I am going to use them on you
Terry: I ain't worried. I've never been so not worried. This is what normal people do, Sam. They fall in love. They make each other laugh. They move in together. They raise kids. They fight over money. They get old and fat together. And it's normal. And it's happenin' to me. I can't believe it.
Tara: We need to talk.
Franklin: Don't say that. Women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts.
Franklin: Even when I'm away, I can feel your flesh molded to me. That's how close we are now.
Tara: That's really sweet
Talbot: You're not supposed to bring work home.
Russell [pointing at himself]: Frankin - King!
Talbot: You and your dusty love beast are at odds with my decor.
Franklin: No one cares what you think about anything. Shut up!
Eric [to Lafayette]: Let's go, RuPaul.
Sookie: Can all vampires fly?
Eric: Can all humans sing?
Sookie : Are you kidding? I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it
Sam's mother: Sometimes I think that boy's cheese done fall right off his cracker.
Hoyt: The legal blood/alcohol level in the state of Louisiana is...
Jason: I got a lot on my mind lately.
Lafayette: That must be new.
Andy: You're a good guy, Stackhouse. You got a lot of heart. You're prettier than most girls.
Talbot: Excuse me, gentlemen. I need to drain the second course.
Jason: There's werewolves? Big Foot, is he real, too?
Sookie: I don't know, I guess it's possible.
Sookie: You think I'm that stupid.
Eric: I think you're that human
Lafayette: You're too busy praising Jesus to realize your daughter wants to move in with him permanently
Jason: Every time I keep looking at you two I see big ole bullet holes in your heads.
Pam: Now, why'd you have to go kill that maenad? She was a terrific decorator.
Jason: What am I thinking about right now - like in my brain.
Sookie: I'm in no mood for lesbian weirdness tonight Pam
Tara: I don't know what I expect - trash is as trash does