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True Blood Quotes

Updated on June 2, 2012

True Blood Quotes Seasons

Here are the best quotes from Season 1 to 4 of True Blood.

The True Blood Quotes are listed in Season order starting with Season 1. As the new Series has started I have moved Season 4 to the top of the list!

With the best quotes from Sookie, Sam, Bill, Lafayette, and my favorite, Eric

Enjoy......

True Blood Season 4 Quotes
True Blood Season 4 Quotes

True Blood Quotes Season 4

Some of the Best lines in True Blood Season 4

Eric:I KNOW I'm a vampire, Snookie.

Sookie: It's SOOKIE!

"Pam: Did I miss something? Are we girls now? Did we join a book club and read some queer chick lit memoirs and are bound together by estrogen or sisterhood some other feminist drivel?

Sookie: You killed my fairy godmother.

Eric: Sorry.

Sookie: What do you want from me?

Eric: Everything.

Nan [to Bill]: You've got Queen on you.

Jessica: I can eat who I want.

Pam: Technology takes all the fun out of being a vampire.

Terry: When I was a kid, I used to put a squirrel head on a lizard body and invent animals.

Eric: Who would you refer to trust? A politician or a vampire?

Eric [upon seeing Sookie naked]: "Such a strange sensation when the reality matches what you've pictured in your mind so precisely."

Lafayette: We'll stay for five minutes. 10 if they got dranks.

Sookie: I have a fairy godmother? Okay, if your job is to look after me, can I just say you suck.

True Blood Season 1 Quotes - The Funniest Quotes for Season 1

True Blood Season 1 Poster
True Blood Season 1 Poster

Sookie: Wait a minute. I thought you're supposed to be invisible in the mirror.

Bill: We started many of the mysteries about ourselves centuries ago.

Sookie: What about holy water?

Bill: It's just water.

Sookie: Crucifixes?

Bill: Geometry.

Sookie: Garlic?

Bill: It's irritating. That's pretty much it.

Sam: Sookie, you have no future with a vampire!

Sookie: They don't die. I've got nothing but a future with one

Jason: Look, Gran, I am the man in this family.

Gran: You are a man in this family, but I am the oldest person here and this is my house. You better respect me boy.

Bill: Actually, I'm the oldest person here

Bill: Can I ask you a personal question?

Sookie: Bill, you were just licking blood outta my head. I don't think it gets much more personal than that

Lafayette: All right, all right. I is on my way. But you might got ta find your own ride home. Just in case I get lucky.

Tara: Whatchu mean if you get lucky? Your standards are so low you always get lucky

Sookie: What I am is telepathic. I can hear people's thoughts.

Bill: Even mine?

Sookie: No. That's why I like you so much. I can't hear you at all. You have no idea how peaceful it is, after a lifetime of... blah, blah, blah

Tara [about Maryann]: So, collecting stray black people. That some kind of hobby of hers?

Eggs: She's right about you. You are funny.

Tara: Oh, yeah? What else she tell you about me?

Eggs: She said you crashed your car with a gallon of whiskey in your lap.

Tara: It was vodka. Really cheap vodka

Orry Dawson: Officially the church can not condone what you did. You took the lives of four women. Women who had tainted themselves and their race. But still human women... But we do recognize that your methods may have been flawed, your intentions were pure.

Jason: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Orry Dawson: That's smart. Don't admit to anything

Bill: She won't listen to me. It will take more time than I have to teach her obedience.

Jessica: I don't obey anybody, those days are over!

Eric: Can't handle one little girl, Bill? New ones can be like this. Man up my friend, she is not even one night old

Sam: [to Arlene, about her party] What do you want it took look like?

Terry: A débutante ball.

Arlene: Hug your neck! You know exactly what I'm talkin' about.

Sam : How did you know what she wanted?

Terry: My cousin Portia was a deb, from Shreveport when she turned 18. Every Bellefleur woman has been doin' it since they started to have 'em before the Revolutionary war.

Sam: Must be nice to come from such an old family.

Terry: All families are old, Sam. Some just keep better records

Pam [handing Sookie a leather outfit]: Put these on.

Sookie: Oh, thank you. But I'm fine really. I'm just gonna dry out my hair and be on my way.

Pam: You're not going anywhere. Eric and your boyfriend aren't nearly done talking just yet.

Sookie: Is... Bill is some kind of trouble?

Pam: That's for the boys to figure out. Right now what you need to do is change out of your clothes... there's vampire in your cleavage

Sookie: I've been admiring your necklace all day.

Amy: Oh, thanks. It's a lariat. I made it.

Sookie: You make jewelry?

Amy: Easy way to earn extra money. I can make you one if you want.

Sookie: Thanks, but I don't think my boyfriend much likes silver

Amy [entring Merlotte's]: Intense! All these animals on the wall, it's like a natural history museum.

Jason: Hah! I never noticed them.

Amy: How could you not? Everyone of these animals lived a life full of experiences that we can't even imagine!

Jason: Does that weird you out? We could always go someplace else!

Amy: No, no. Everyone has to eat, right? We are all links on the universal food chain. See, squirrel eats nuts, snake eat the squirrel, gator eat the snake... and we can eat pretty much everything we want. It's the circle of life.

Jason: Jesus Christ! I wanna lick your mind!

Amy: Let's have lunch first

Bill: What do you want?

Malcolm: You never called me back. Now if I remember what feelings were, mine might be hurt

Sookie: Wow. I feel a little weak.

Bill: Of course you do. I fed on your blood. You should take some vitamin B-12 to replenish.

Sookie: Will I need to do that everyday?

Bill: If you don't mind, yes. And no garlic

True Blood Season 2 Quotes - Some of the best lines in Season 2 of True Blood

True Blood Season 2 Poster
True Blood Season 2 Poster

Jason: I love the smell of nail polish in the morning

Sheriff Bud Dearborne: Come by the station in the morning and I'll give you your badge back.

Andy Bellefleur: Really? I won't let you down Bud. And I am never touching another drink again.

Sheriff Bud Dearborne: This town's a hell of a mess and I'm man enough to know I can't shoulder it myself.... You might have your faults Andy but at least you got pants on

Jason: It's like if a tree falls in the woods it's still a tree, ain't it?

Sophie-Anne: Surely you know that everything that exists imagined itself into existence

Sophie-Anne: Maenads are sad, silly things... relics who believe in the God who comes.

Bill: Does he ever come?

Sophie-Anne: Of course not. Gods only exist in humans' minds, like money or morality

Lettie Mae: If only Miss Jeanette was still alive.

Lafayette [about Tara]: She don't need no backwards witch. She needs Thorazine and padded cell

Lafayette [after reciting a prayer]: Jesus and I agreed to see other people, but that don't mean we still don't talk time to time

Bill: Tara, you are safe here. You have to do exactly as I say

Tara: I am not your f**king slave girl

Lafayette: If there ever there was a time to listen to a white man, Tara, this is it

Sookie: Jason, this would be one of those times to use your head.

Jason: Oh, I am. This here is the war I've been training for.

Lorena [to Sookie]: Did you know your boyfriend hit me over the head with a 52 inch plasma television earlier tonight? Everyone says they're so thin and light, but let me tell you, when wielded properly, they're quite a weapon

Jason [about Steve]: That sonuvabitch. It's like he sucked out my brain and planted all his own babies there

Sookie: He's your maker isn't he?

Eric: Don't use words you don't understand.

Sookie: You have a lot of love for him.

Eric: Don't use words I don't understand

Steve: I will not negotiate with sub humans. Kill me. Do it. Jesus will protect me

Godric: I am actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have known him but I missed it

Hoyt: I ain't never done it... with a girl I mean

Jessica: What have you done it with?

Hoyt: Just myself

Jessica: Oh ,so you're a virgin? Oh well, big whoop. So what?

Eric: Tell me, what is that you find so fulfilling about human companionship?

Isabella: They feel much more strongly than we do. Everything is urgent, exciting. Maybe because their lives are so temporary

Eric: Yes, they certainly don't keep well. Do you have the prospect of him growing old, sickly, crippled somewhat repulsive?

Isbaella: No, I find it curious, like a science project

Sarah [about Steve]: He's not the man I thought he was. You're not being trained to defend us. He wants to use you to start a war. He's vicious and he's cruel, and he uses the C word. And he lies to me, Jason. Our marriage has always been a partnership, and now he's shutting me out

Jessica: I'm so happy I could cry, but I won't cause it's gross when I do

Tara: Want me to take a look [at the water heater] and you can hold the line?

Eggs: See that was some spiteful s**t you just said there. I got this.

I'm the man of the house. No offense, Carl..

Carl: None taken

Eric: The vampires here, they're like cowboys. If they don't get Godric back they'll want justice. They'll start attacking people.

Bill: Open aggression against humans? That's insane.

Eric: Well, it's Texas

Hoyt: You should try the chicken fried steak. It's like a chicken and a steak got together and made a baby. A delicious, crispy baby

Jessica: This is so embarrassing. I'd die if i wasn't already dead

Eric: You surprise me. That's rare in a breather.

Sookie: You disgust me.

Eric: Perhaps I'll grow on you.

Sookie: I'd prefer cancer

Bill: She has no humanity, she's in the grips of overwhelming transformations, there will be times when she cannot control even a single impulse...and believe me she HAS many.

Sookie: ...How is that any different from being a teenage girl

Lafayette: Make me a vampire.

Eric: I beg your pardon?

Lafayette: You can put me to work in the bar...I'm a good dancer you've seen it on my site. (Eric walks around to him) Shit, I'd get up there and I'd move Earth and Heaven go-go style.

Eric: You are aware there's a gaping hole in your leg? You're damaged goods.

Lafayette: Not if you turn me. I'd be good as ever. Look I...I'm already a person of poor moral character. So, I hit the ground running and I damn near glamour people already. Gimme what ya'll got...not only will I be a bad-ass vampire, but I'd be your bad-ass vampire

Bill: Your bedtime will be 4 a.m., not a minute later... We also recycle in this house.

True Blood DVDs

True Blood Season 3 Quotes - The best lines so far in season 3

True Blood Season 3 Poster
True Blood Season 3 Poster

Sookie: I feel better protecting myself, now that I know I am basically vampire crack.

Lafayette: You're a witch, who's a nurse, and a dude? How did I get so lucky?

Alcide: Are you in trouble again?

Sookie: When am I not in trouble?

Sookie: I don't want to baby-sit this psycho while you go take a nap.

Eric [to Pam]: You know I love you more when you're cold and heartless

Russell: Soon, there will be anarchy - and, then, there will be me.

Jessica: I live on human blood, and I'm not gonna stop.

Hoyt: Drink me.

Crystal: All I gotta do is marry my half-brother and let him breed me until I'm old or dead.

Lafayette: We could end up in Hell, or f**kin South Dakota

Eric: What?

Pam: Blah, blah... vampire emergency. Blah.

Eric: You know you have feelings for me.

Sookie: Ewww.

Eric: You really believe he is trustworthy?

Sookie: All I know is I sure as hell can't trust you.

Russell: We will eat you, after we eat your children. Now time for the weather... Tiffany?

Sookie: I don't know how you did things in the 1800s, but keeping a file on the woman you love is... creepy.

Sookie: Just once I'd like to not find a dead body in my house. Is that asking too much?

Talbot: I'm bored. Take off your clothes.

Eric: A little privacy?

Tara: Maybe you can flirt some sense into that girl cuz logic sure ain't working

Jason: You got no right being in my head. That's... trespassing.

Pam: You can dish it out, but you sure can't take it, can you Magister?


Eric: Let's see how this plays out Pam, you can always taunt later.

Summer: I really like you Hoyt and I really want you to taste my biscuits.

Jason: I didn't think I was smart enough to get depressed

Arlene: Please don't eat me, I am pregnant. Oh that probably just made you want to eat me more.

Eric: Please don't take this wrong way Sookie, but shut up.

Jessica: Just because my fangs popped out doesn't mean I am going to use them on you

Terry: I ain't worried. I've never been so not worried. This is what normal people do, Sam. They fall in love. They make each other laugh. They move in together. They raise kids. They fight over money. They get old and fat together. And it's normal. And it's happenin' to me. I can't believe it.

Tara: We need to talk.

Franklin: Don't say that. Women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts.

Franklin: Even when I'm away, I can feel your flesh molded to me. That's how close we are now.

Tara: That's really sweet

Talbot: You're not supposed to bring work home.

Russell [pointing at himself]: Frankin - King!

Talbot: You and your dusty love beast are at odds with my decor.

Franklin: No one cares what you think about anything. Shut up!

Eric [to Lafayette]: Let's go, RuPaul.

Sookie: Can all vampires fly?

Eric: Can all humans sing?

Sookie : Are you kidding? I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it

Sam's mother: Sometimes I think that boy's cheese done fall right off his cracker.

Hoyt: The legal blood/alcohol level in the state of Louisiana is...

Jason: Drunk?

Jason: I got a lot on my mind lately.

Lafayette: That must be new.

Andy: You're a good guy, Stackhouse. You got a lot of heart. You're prettier than most girls.

Talbot: Excuse me, gentlemen. I need to drain the second course.

Jason: There's werewolves? Big Foot, is he real, too?

Sookie: I don't know, I guess it's possible.

Jason: Santa?

Sookie: You think I'm that stupid.

Eric: I think you're that human

Lafayette: You're too busy praising Jesus to realize your daughter wants to move in with him permanently

Jason: Every time I keep looking at you two I see big ole bullet holes in your heads.

Pam: Now, why'd you have to go kill that maenad? She was a terrific decorator.

Jason: What am I thinking about right now - like in my brain.

Sookie: I'm in no mood for lesbian weirdness tonight Pam

Tara: I don't know what I expect - trash is as trash does

Are you a Sookie or Bella fan? - Go Sookie!!!

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Sookie Stackhouse

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    • jewlsss profile image

      jewlsss 3 years ago

      Reading your lens is so much fun! :D

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Jason Stackhouse...You have Fucked too many hot women.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Werewolf....I'm gonna need you to shut the Fuck up

    • bdguth07 profile image

      bdguth07 4 years ago

      great lens, there are too many good quotes to remember and this just made me laugh. Great lens! I have a lens about True Blood Season 6, check it out!

    • anupma lm profile image

      anupma lm 5 years ago

      Nice lense. Thanks for sharing.

    • AJT Bates profile image

      AJT Bates 5 years ago

      @athomemomblog: That's my favorite quote ever too!

    • Spiderlily321 profile image

      Spiderlily321 5 years ago

      I absolutely love True Blood! This is a great lens. Thanks for sharing

    • athomemomblog profile image

      Genesis Davies 5 years ago from Guatemala

      Nominating your lens for National Vampire Day (Make Your Own Holiday Quest)!

      Sookie: He's your maker isn't he?

      Eric: Don't use words you don't understand.

      Sookie: You have a lot of love for him.

      Eric: Don't use words I don't understand

      My favorite quote ever from the series. :)

    • TransplantedSoul profile image

      TransplantedSoul 5 years ago

      This is such a great series!

    • Pam Irie profile image

      Pam Irie 6 years ago from Land of Aloha

      The vampire crack comment made by Sookie in season 3. :)

    • andreaberrios lm profile image

      andreaberrios lm 6 years ago

      True Blood is the best show on TV... can't wait for next summer to watch season 5!! Cool lens!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      'thumbs up' to you and the work you've done on your lens.

    • iWriteaLot profile image

      iWriteaLot 6 years ago

      I love Lafayette. He's my favorite character. True Blood rocks!

    • evitaa profile image

      evitaa 6 years ago

      There is one -Sookie: You killed my fairy godmother.

      Eric: Sorry.

      Great ^_^ lens!

    • anaamhussain profile image

      anaamhussain 6 years ago

      Love it! Love it! Love it!!!!!!!!! :)

    • iMANDY profile image

      iMANDY 6 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

      Oh I love True Blood! Great Lens, it made me smile :)

    • elyria profile image

      elyria 6 years ago

      Great Lens, it was a fun reading!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Loved your collection. Impressive to say the least! :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      "Now if I remember what feelings were, mine might be hurt", quite novel!

    • bames24 lm profile image

      bames24 lm 6 years ago

      love the quotes... :)

    • gypsyman27 lm profile image

      gypsyman27 lm 6 years ago

      I liked, "Now if I remember what feelings were, mine might be hurt", I thought that was funny. Great lens, good presentation. See you around the galaxy...

    • Jezhug LM profile image

      Jezhug LM 6 years ago

      Nice list. Just watching season 3 now ;)

    • Wedding Mom profile image

      Wedding Mom 6 years ago

      True Blood is the best vampire show there is! Can't wait till the next season starts.Love your lens

    • andreaberrios lm profile image

      andreaberrios lm 6 years ago

      Awesome I love True Blood.. my favorite, Eric! :)

    • catherinelovestv profile image
      Author

      catherinelovestv 6 years ago

      @noushki: I know Eric is mmmmmm

    • noushki profile image

      noushki 6 years ago

      Its gotta be ....

      Eric: Please don't take this wrong way Sookie, but shut up. lol just cos Eric rocks !!!

    • profile image

      Lisa_Maria 6 years ago

      Really great lens, love all of the quotes! Can't wait for the new season to come out!