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Wit for Wine Lovers
Witty Wonders for Wine Lovers
CHEERS! Are YOU a vintage vixen? Wine enthusiast? Viva su vino! Enjoy our fun entertainment for wine lovers. Laugh out loud with these funny wine stories, wine jokes & quotes, cartoons, photos and fun wine gifts. The fun starts here.
Like finding funny wine jokes and hilarious LOL vino humor? Then you are in the right place. Make sure to help name the new Wally Wine and to stop in at the Hiney Winery.
Have FUN, ya vintage vixen!
Heck with the ice bucket challenge. I'm going to drink a bucket of wine for those poor people in the Napa Valley who were hit by an earthquake.— CrossCreations
POLL: Help Name the New Walmart Wine - Wally Wine Coming Soon! Make YOUR Vote Count!
The world's largest retail chain - Walmart (Wally World) wants to produce their own brand of vino spirits at an affordable price. So Wal-Mart customers will soon be able to sample their newest discount item - Wal-Mart's very own brand of wine.
So help name this new brand of Walmart Wine with your vote from the top ten in the poll below. So far it looks like 'Nasty Spumanti' is in the lead. You agree? Vote below.
What would be the best name for this new Walmart Wine?
Water, Wine and Science
Funny Wine Jokes Extraordinaire
Scientists have found in clinical studies that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) - the same bacteria found in feces. In other words, we have consumed 1 kilo of POOP!
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
See below what that means...
Water = Poop and Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water and be full of sh*t!
We Will Serve No Wine Before It's Time!
A wine vendor once got a phone call from a customer wanting to know if hehad any vintage Beringer White Zinfandel in stock.
Ah...no. Vintage Zinfandel?
Actually more than 90% of all wine produced in the world is meant to drink right away, meaning anywhere between now and 6 months. 90%!
So very little wine is actually made for aging. Something like Two-Buck Chuck or Beringer White Zinfandel will definitely never be vintage from aging.
Heaven forbid if anyone actually HAD some five-year old White Zin, or even older, for that would probably be some of the most awful wine EVER!
Forgive me, for I have zinned!
"Burgundy makes you think of silly things,
Bordeaux makes you talk of them
and Champagne...makes you do them."— - Brillat-Savarin
Funny Lines About Wines
We heard it through the grapevine...
* Dr. Freud would say that pinot noir lovers suffer from pinot envy.
* Did Marilyn drink Merlot? and * How Merlot can you go?
* A pickup line for a wine bar: "Hi! Would you like to corkscrew?"
* A cork retriever is NOT a dog from Ireland!
* Wine improves with age. The older I get, the more I like it.
* Did you hear about the new blend of pinot blanc, pinot noir, and pinot grigio that acts as a diuretic? It's called pinot more! (get it? pee no more!)
Now go visit the Hiney Winery below ... listen to Harry Hiney & Seymour Hiney talk about what they like to put in their hiney, I mean winey.
You Simply MUST Visit the Hiney Winery LOL! Go now.
Wine Trivia Game from the Cork Jester
'The Cork Jester' is a wine journalist with a wacky sense of humor. In this Wine Teasers Game, each card bears one question, three possible answers, and a hint for the desperate. The creator is Jennifer Rosen (the Cork Jester) who has won several awards for her witty and refreshing wine writing.
Also check out a fun book written by The Cork Hester. With sections like "Don't Blame the Grape" and "When Good Wines Go Bad" the author does a great job in snuffing out wine snobbery and making understanding vino easy and fun.
"The Cork Jester's Guide to Wine" will bring many smiles & giggles. Discover the world of wine without pain. The anecdotes, the self-deprecating attitude, remarkable humor and superb writing make this book an absolute must for everybody who is not a snob. BUY it. You will savor it.
The Cork Jester on Amazon
Examples of questions are:
Why are rosebushes planted in vineyards?
In Portugal, the "lagar" is an important part of wine making. What is it?
In wine talk "fruity" means?
Jack Lemon said this in which movie? "You'd be surprised how much fun you can have sober. When you get the hang of it."
Water into Wine
The Irish Priest and the State Trooper
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
"I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved."— ~ Rose Kennedy on her 100th birthday
Wine and a Woman's Age
How to tell a woman's age by her choice of wine...
Wine coolers = Teenager, White Wine = Twenties
Red Wine = Thirties, Dom Perignon = Forties
Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser = age 60 and Up
A Woman's Best Friend...
Real man or real wine?
A real man is a woman's best friend. He will reassure & comfort her. He will inspire her to do new things and to live without fear & regret.
He will enable her to express her emotions & give in to her desires. He will be sure she feels as she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be confident, sexy and invincible.
No wait, sorry. I'm thinking of wine. It's wine that does all that. Never mind.
The Unbroken Wine Bottle and the Car Wreck
a funny story, what would YOU do?
A woman and a man were involved in a bad car accident. Both cars were totalled, but amazingly, neither of them were hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman says, "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unharmed. This must be a sign that we should meet and be friends, and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied, "Oh yes! I agree with you completely. This must be a sign!"
The woman continued ... " and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely ruined, but look at this bottle of wine that did not even break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
So she hands the bottle to the man. The man opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to her.
She takes the bottle and puts the cap back on, handing it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No thanks. I think I'll just wait for the police."
Hilarious Bar Accessories or Gift for Wine Lovers
Ya know there really IS a wine glass that holds an entire bottle of wine. Yup, so don't let Betty White have all the fun (above).
You will find it over at amazon. Lots of funny wine accessories and gifts there.
Check out this set of three funny happy man accessories.
Bottle Stopper, Opener and Corkscrew Combination Pack.
Fun gift for wine lovers!
A woman was sipping on a glass of wine with her husband and she says, "I love you so much. I don't know how I could ever live without you."
Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."
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Absolutely LOL funny photos, jokes & stories to brighten your day!
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© 2009 Carolan Ross